How to Overcome Guilt and Shame and Raise Deservingness

by Alan Hewitt on September 26, 2012

By Perry Mardon
Sept 26, 2012

The mind is the most powerful tool that you have when it comes to personal success. When you choose to follow your heart’s path, go for what you love, seize that success, make that raise, or acquire the things you love, you are raising yourself to a higher level.

You are self actualising. Taking your deepest heartfelt desires and making them a reality. Fulfilling your purpose and potential. You are living your particular brand of ‘goodness’.

The sad thing is…

Most people unconsciously hold themselves back from following their own path of goodness. Many people actually repel success and good things from coming to them.

Deep within their unconscious minds they don’t believe they deserve. Their unconscious mind holds shame and guilt and deep feelings of not being good enough. It is an epidemic and goes hand in hand with low self worth.

In my language they have lowered their deservingness, they have lowered their willingness to receive the ‘goodness’. Whether that goodness is a great relationship, love, joy, fun, a great career, wealth and riches of all kind.

Others seize their goodness, then sabotage it somehow, or reject it, or push it away again. You know the story – something is going well, the bank accounts are full, you got the contract, the relationship is going strong, the trip’s on, the magic is happening, the mojo is flowing…and then it’s like a switch is flicked and it’s all gone sour.

In these scenarios, the unconscious is at variance with the conscious mind. Their conscious mind believes they deserve the success but their unconscious believes they are not deserving of the success that they receive, and feel shameful for their accolades and rewards.

As a result, these people have yo-yos – they win they lose, they win they lose. Because of their beliefs, they are intentionally crippling themselves and not achieving everything that they could.

Do you feel guilty when you win?
Do you feel shameful at your success?
Do you think that success is for ‘other people’ and not you?

Here’s how the logic goes…

‘I cannot have good things in my life because I have done so many bad things in my past.’

If you have this kind of belief – you might feel that you need to constantly pay for those mistakes, or that you need to somehow make up for any transgressions.

Shame and guilt haunt you.

Another belief may be – ‘I am not good enough’, in which case your mind will find all the reasons you are not ‘good enough’ and then of course you will feel even more shame of self and feel guilty they you were not good enough again!

You might not experience this guilt or shame on the conscious levels of the mind. Why? Because your shame and guilt is HIDDEN in the unconscious mind. Outside of your everyday awareness.

If you suspect that you have the hidden enemies of shame and guilt in your unconscious -and need to know for sure – look at your results.

Do you try to please people to get them to like you (shame of self will drive you to get your validation from others)?

Do you put yourself last (hoping to be spiritually superior and get a pat on the back from God)?

Do you often get close to the big thing coming off, just to have it fall flat in your face?

Do you set yourself up for rejection?

Do you stand back in the crowd, do you shrink from the star light?

Do you almost get there but something gets in your way?

Do you choose the beaten up Datsun and the cheap clothes rather than reward yourself with something nice?

Do you undermine your financial future, or say the wrong things to the people you love?

Do you constantly change your direction and shrink from commitment?

These are all undermining actions that point to guilt and shame on the unconscious level of your mind.

Some people tell me it seems irrational that ‘I feel this guilty’. They are right! The unconscious mind is the place of the irrational. Here is how it all happens. You are conditioned into being guilty and shameful.

When you were young, if you were like most people, your parents taught you that if you were good – you got rewards. And if you were bad – well you know the story.

And it didn’t end there.

Your teachers gave you straight A’s for being good and you got the strap for being bad (now I am showing my age).

And God (that old man in the sky that watches you full time) would send you to heaven if you were a good little boy or girl and send you to hell if you were naughty, and did stuff like enjoy sex, or have a drink or two.

Or if you came from the East – and you were bad you were taught that you came back as a parasite on a cows butt!

And worst of all Santa wouldn’t bring you presents unless you were good.

The archetypical teaching of your entire journey into adulthood has been – ‘good people get rewarded and bad people get punished’. How often has this story been repeated in your life?

No, you are NOT logical.

Here you are today trying to be rational but your own unconscious mind, filled with this childhood story works against you – every time you do something it deems to be bad, or less than perfect – you will turn on yourself.

You are now the Santa Claus, policeman, the father, the mother, the preacher, the teacher telling yourself you DESERVE to be punished and should experience shame and guilt.

No wonder your deservingness decreases greatly and the more of a perfectionist you are the more you have to feel ashamed about!

So what is the solution, how do you overcome guilt and shame and increase your deservingness?

Well it starts with Love. And this ‘Love’ approach comes from someone who was crippled by guilt and shame – so I promise you this ‘love’ stuff works!

Love starts with forgiveness. Forgiveness of yourself, forgiveness of your mistakes. This is not an intellectual forgiveness – it is a heartfelt forgiveness.

Throw in tolerance and compassion and bit-by-bit your deservingness increases and your shame and guilt decreases.

Forgive your past;

You can’t change the past. The past, well, is the past. You can feel shameful, regretful, or guilty about it, but it doesn’t change the fact that those actions are already done.

You’re not a bad person. While you may have done things in the past which may be considered bad, there is no need to feel guilt or shame over them.

You are not destined to spend all of your time atoning for past sins, and things that you consider to be good are not evil or shameful things in their own right.

It’s a loop you can’t get out of with out self-love. Not egoic self love but love based on forgiveness, kindness, tolerance and compassion.

It is also worth inspecting your models of perfection and morality and undoing the stories from childhood. This may all sound weird, but it’s true – and worth doing.

Once you have increased your love and forgiveness and cleared shame and guilt from your mind – Your deservingness will go through the roof.

Without effort you will naturally find yourself experiencing more joy, more love, greater peace of mind, attracting experiences and events that are goodness filled, and pursuing goals and dreams with passion and vigour.

You will accept and embrace success, welcome wealth (because you deserve it), love like you mean it, dance in Paris, drink espresso in Italy, go on the yoga retreat in India, fall in love. Why? Because you deserve it.

To get a free audio on ‘How to overcome shame and guilt and increase your deservingness’ click here and download my FREE audio master-class.

This is a proven process that has been used by thousands of my clients for outstanding life results.

About the Author

Perry Mardon is renowned the world over for his gifted human insight. He has the unique ability to identify a person’s heart’s path, their counter-productive behaviours and beliefs quickly without a word being spoken.

Let Perry use his gift of human insight to help you identify your heart’s path and transform the subconscious blocks and limitations stopping you from living your heart’s path in any area of your life.

Perry can help you clearly understand and overcome, possibly for the first time in your life, the internal structures and patterns that have been undermining your highest life path.

Perry has worked with thousands of people from all walks of life including business royalty, mums and dads, professional sports people, SAS soldiers, drug addicts and career criminals.

Perry saves people many years of hard work by helping them truly understand what it is within them that limits their most fulfilling path. It’s Perry Mardon’s life mission to use his gift of human insight to help as many people as possible.

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