3 Questions to Turn Your Life… into a ‘Stress Free’ Zone

Secrets of an Ancient Greek Philosopher

Please leave your comments below. Joe and I would love to hear your thoughts.

To your best life,
Alan

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{ 37 comments }

rod griffiths April 11, 2012 at 3:59 AM

Thanks so much, very very usefull, i hope i canremember for the rest of my life. Cheers

rikki April 11, 2012 at 4:04 AM

very nice

Elaine April 11, 2012 at 4:10 AM

Immediate reaction to hearing the three essential questions to ask is….will i loose empathy with people/friends.
sometimes you need to destress even myself how do you off load negative dilemas…personally and with a friend.

ps it was good to know time length of the video and that you could pause it.
thanks

Annie Kaila April 11, 2012 at 4:14 AM

Hi Alan,
Thank you for sharing the three basic and fundamental questions. They are so very vital in everyday lives especially when you are surrounded with many different types of people and also for me to direct my thinking so I am more focus on thinking about useful things. And that I must think well of others!

You are so very kind to share these truths.

Cheers
Annie

trisha April 11, 2012 at 4:21 AM

Hi Alan, thank you for your video which I enjoyed very much and makes a lot of sense to me. As a business consultant I often tell clients the art of a good leader is to ask really good questions. However, what immediately struch me was, for instance, if a staff member came into a managers office and said ‘I have an issue/concern I would like to discuss with you……. I am not sure an appropraite response would be unless it is something good or useful to me or others do not share it with me. I would think a better approach is to ‘demonstrate’ a more constructive approach. What are your thoughts – do I have the wrong end of the stick!?

Calum Hudson April 11, 2012 at 4:35 AM

Hi Joe,

Thanks for the 3 Socratic Questions. I have noted them down and am not only looking forward to trying them out on someone, but also feel I can ask them of myself if I am feeling at odds about anything.

Cheers,

Calum.

vrinda April 11, 2012 at 4:42 AM

Hi Joe,

Do you have something for teenagers? , my 17yr old feels that releiving stress is smoking drinking and going out every night.

Is there any way we can help him.

Please help this mum.

Thanks
Vrinda

Paul Kirk April 11, 2012 at 4:59 AM

Hi Jo,
whilst my web site is no longer functioning, I did stand for having ab stress free life & yes these 3 questions are extreemly valuble. They are the teflon coat that stops others stuff sticking & infiltrating with onews own stuff.

The perfect response to taking the staem out of mutual pitty parties.

Cheers,

PK

Graham Marsh April 11, 2012 at 5:06 AM

Dear Joe,

I think the three questions are very good and useful, and I’m about to make a poster of them to put on the study wall. But are you absolutely sure this ‘filter’ came from Socrates?

Kind regards,
Graham Marsh
61 7 33967511

philip hall April 11, 2012 at 5:49 AM

fascinatingly simple

i wasn’t aware of these 3 Q

i will find them very useful in dealing with people and with my own reflections and discussions

thanks

Kamen April 11, 2012 at 6:11 AM

Re: Q1. Truth is absolute. We might see something as ‘true’/factual even but given our limited (human) perspectives, we cannot know if anything is absolutely true.
Re: Q2 & 3. Good is relative, so is ‘useful’.
I am not addicted to drama, quite the opposite actually. I appreciate a calm, serene mind. However, there is value is sharing for the sake of connection and human interaction. There is also value in debate and the sharing of perspectives even if any or all three questions cannot be answered in the affirmative. Socrates, one of the fathers of philosophy, would have understood that.

John Mackay April 11, 2012 at 6:29 AM

What if the person wants to share or discuss with you something that is true, but is bad and they are looking for a solution that is useful?

Anne-Marie April 11, 2012 at 6:37 AM

Thank you Joe! This is very useful to me. By “good” I assume you mean “positive” or “uplifting”? This second question would screen out most of the conversations/gossip I find stressful from others. The 3 questions are good for screening my own internal dialogue, especially when I’m being self-critical! Thank you Anne-Marie xx

Susan Donkin April 11, 2012 at 6:39 AM

A great filter to think and ultimately speak through – thank you for sharing.

Andy Leonard April 11, 2012 at 7:02 AM

Hi Joe/Alan

Much enjoyed the Video. My first thought was ‘why is this not compulsary for the News-hounds out there’ Perhaps if they followed the wisdom of Socrates, then newspapers would have a use other than for wrapping the rubbish before it is disposed of.

Maybe that is why I don’t read them. Nor do I normally pay any attention to anything other than the headlineson teh so-called news.

Thanks for the guidance

Cheers

Andy

margaret April 11, 2012 at 7:16 AM

Thankyou Alan

I found that most interesting – both for others and their dramas and especially my own concocted ones!!

barb April 11, 2012 at 7:35 AM

Thank you so much. This gives me a chance to try and diffuse a situation which is going to be mentally debilitating and plays with my brain until the next situation arises – usually a couple of days. I am going to give these 3 questions a go and look forward to the results. Very interesting.

Simon April 11, 2012 at 7:53 AM

Great in theory, however, when a bunch of guys get together, almost none of it is true, none of it is useful, and none of it is helpful. So what to do? Most people aren’t interested in serious truths, factual conversations etc, they just want to “shoot the shit” and have a laugh.

Taniya April 11, 2012 at 8:14 AM

3 interesting questions. I find them a little “cold” though. If a friend is “off loading” to me about a stiuation or drama in their life. I dont know that I would ask the questions to them personally. I may ask them to myself as they told me about it & pretty much do as i do & either take it on board if its relevent to me & my life or just listen to them, as a friend, as they may just need to off load…

Julie April 11, 2012 at 8:34 AM

That is fabulous, a great way to save our own precious energy by only selecting the things worthwhile talking about and good bye to the rest, And so SIMPLE!

Lorissa Smith April 11, 2012 at 9:11 AM

That’s so simple & easy, yet so true, BUT we forget the easy things daily and get so caught up in these negative distractions time after time! Thank you 🙂

Vivienne Green April 11, 2012 at 10:10 AM

Hi Joe,
So Pleased to see you pop up with EarthStar. I met you when you first got going with Michael and Marlyse at Inner Peace in Melb. I was at one of your earlier talks on nutrition and diet. I actually remember…water soluable food before midday!!
Great to see you still engaged in health and well being. I remember meeting your wife too.
All the very best.
Regards, Vivienne

Vera Bosheva April 11, 2012 at 10:24 AM

Joe, I found your massage, the three questions very useful. I have a friend that keeps on telling me things that I do not really want to hear, things that she has herd, about a close friend of hers, who is currently with an ex partner of mine, and it is upsetting both of us. I will next time ask the three questions and I am pretty sure that as you have said, probably not true, not good and definitely not useful.

Thank you for the valuable advice.

Vera

Nancy De Gioia April 11, 2012 at 10:42 AM

hi Joe, the three questions are amazing. I can immediately relate to how useful the will be for me in the future. I have not much to sy about them really except to say I will be mindful of them daily and make them part of my daily talk and thought.

They remind me of the 3 I’S . I read about the 3 I’s sometime ago though i do not remember where.they are , Integrity, Intuition and intention. when doubting oneself about what we are doing or saying, Apply the 3 I’s test to it and if we do not get a Yes in answer to each of them, DON”T do it. This works very well for me as well. I feel very blessed to have both of these tools up my sleeve so to speak. Thank you so much for yours.

Many blessings ,
Nancy De Gioia.

Phil April 11, 2012 at 10:57 AM

That’s fine Joe, but often your friends want to talk to you about their problems & what’s getting them down. It’s true to them & it may not be good … how do you turn a friend, or anyone, away with those 3 questions?
Keep well.
Phil

Barbara Moody April 11, 2012 at 11:14 AM

Hi Joe
I’ve have a friend who is a interstate truck driver and a sister-in law who tell me their problems and when their having a bad day. Most of the time its negative feelings and I find that it is getting me down and I don’t look forward to seeing them. They say that it makes them feel better having someone to talk to (like me) but I find I am feeling more depressed after listing to them. I have issues of my own to deal with and find it too much having all this put on me. I listened to your video and the three questions and don’t know how to approach them with these as I’m afraid of hurting their feelings. Most of the time it is not about any one or stories but just if their having a bad day and things aren’t going right for them and need someone to talk to. I ask myself why I do this listen to them, and when they say thanks I can see it helps them out but it sometimes leaves me feeling flat and drained. I find meditating to the Holosync recordings helps. Maybe I just need to talk to them about how I feel and how their negativity affects me. If you have any suggestions I would be greatly appreciate them. Regards Barbara

Pam April 11, 2012 at 11:22 AM

Thanks Joe. Sometimes I think I have just about heard it all, then someone like yourself sends out a little gem. Very useful and succinct and ones which I am going to try.

Margie Hyland April 11, 2012 at 12:21 PM

Couldn’t agree more. I have had people in the past who have only wanted to dump on me…..to offload their rubbish so they feel better themselves. I have wised up to that now and no longer give them air time. A lot of people aren’t conscious of what they are doing and can’t catch themselves out telling their past story events.

Thanks for the tips. I’m only interested in the now and moving forward.

Wendy April 11, 2012 at 2:18 PM

Good advice! Will put straight to practice .

judy April 11, 2012 at 2:23 PM

nice.. thats useful.

Cindy Forshaw April 11, 2012 at 2:46 PM

Hi Joe……loved the video…short and sweet…..with so much to give to me. As a cousellor, I found these questions very useful….we discussed Socratic questioning at Uni some years back…(when I read for Social Work at Sydney Uni). I believe these questions couild ‘cut to the chase’ of a couinselling session, inasmuch as much valuable time is usually spent on ‘getting to the crux of the matter’. Love your style, relaxed presentation was very easy to watch and absorb. Thanks so much,

Highest Regards
Cindy.

Pix April 11, 2012 at 4:36 PM

Hi Joe

Thank you, personally I agree with you … but… I am constantly being dumped on by my girlfriends negativity, she says this is the real world and what you say isn’t. Should I break up with her?

Also, sometimes you can be pretty sure something is true but very bad, like stories of cruelty to animals. It’s true, but not good, but the news can be considered useful because we can start to take action to stop animal cruelty. ….then again maybe it’s good too because it gives us an opportunity to act, or is it better not to know?

Also near the end of your video, you say “if it ain’t any of those 3 things then move on” but Socrates was saying you had to answer yes to all three…..?

Lyn Elliott April 11, 2012 at 7:03 PM

Hi Joe and Alan
Loved the video. Thank you for those very helpful tips. I have mentored and coached many people, and always find that people trust and confide in me. Until now, I have never really felt I had the right tools to stop the conversation, without seeming too abrupt, when it became negative. Thank you

Helen Roth April 11, 2012 at 10:04 PM

This is probably one of the best simple bits of advice i’ve ever heard. And after reading two years worth of self help books I can tell you I’ve taken in a lot of advice that has not achieved much for me in my situation. I’m hoping to make this the basis of my future way of dealing with my problems and especially in dealing with my grown children in the midst of my divorce from their father and also my close friends and family. As I have been struggling to keep them all from feeling they have to take sides. It sounds like an excellent philosophy for life.
I begin this day with a new understanding. Thank you for sharing it with us all.

sandra April 12, 2012 at 12:23 AM

But if a friend is telling me her troubles if I asked her these questions, she would be greatly offended, like asking her if what her daughter has done is useful, she would get really really offended and think I don’t believe what she is saying. she would be upset at me then. I don’t think I would be helping her if I asked these questions of her.

Erica Grocke April 12, 2012 at 1:31 AM

How simple is that? I think any tips on simplifying dramas and stress are well worth adopting and sharing. Thankyou

Pat Hobson April 12, 2012 at 5:39 AM

Hi Joe, simple advice for simple situations. I have to regularly listened to my 83 year old Mother’s tales of woe, pain, loneliness and hopelessness. That is who she is: Its who she has largely been all her life. Most of what she complains about is in her imagination, so it certainly is not true. She is incapable of sharing anything good (because nothing good ever happens to her). But is it useful? I am the one person left on Earth she can download her troubles to. She always says she feels better afterwards. So yes, her un-true and un-good discourse is useful. I feel the advice does not hold for complex situations but I would be happy to use it in a work situation where keeping positive these days means keeping your job!