Funny personal mottos can help you take yourself less seriously — the better to enjoy the moments your life is made of. 

There’s nothing funny or clever about dogmatism and what it leads to.

So when a new friend shares a personal motto that makes you laugh, it puts you at ease. 

Clever mottos can achieve what religious fervor never could: a unity worth having.

In support of that, we’ve collected 19 of the funniest mottos for you to enjoy.

We hope you find at least one you’ll be happy to share. 

Funny Mottos to Live By 

To understand the benefits of living by funny personal mottos, think about how you feel when you read the following phrases — one of them lighthearted and the other serious (and deeply flawed).

• “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito” — Dalai Lama
• “A teacher who is not dogmatic is simply a teacher who is not teaching.” — G.K. Chesterton

With the lighthearted one, you feel more relaxed and, at the same time, more motivated to make a positive difference (unlike the mosquito). 

19 Funny Life Mottos for a Lighthearted Approach to Life

Whether the funny mottos here make you laugh or just quietly smile in appreciation, we hope they brighten your day and help you find a motto you’ll enjoy making your own. 

1. When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. — Anonymous

It’s sort of like asking someone to fit a square peg into a round hole — but a lot funnier to watch. What else can you think of that’s impossible to do (because of physics)? 

2. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. — Will Rogers.

Will Rogers was apparently no fan of Algebra, but you can substitute other things from youth that no one would want to repeat — like puberty or religious education.

3. The face you’re born with is the one God gave you. Your face at 50 is the one you gave yourself. — Mrs. Toms

Ladies and gentlemen, this is where self-care comes in. It’s not just for rich people and multi-level marketers. 

4. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants. — Anonymous

To move forward, you need to detach your feet from the ground, one at a time. And, when appropriate, take a leap. 

5. Whatever hits the fan will not be distributed evenly. 

No one wants to think about what might be hitting the fan, but we all know it’s not something we’d want flung in our direction. If you end up wearing more of it than your neighbor, you might wonder why. 

6. My life is a very complicated drinking game. 

Alcohol is implied here but not required. The game is the point, encouraging you to take your life less seriously. The fate of the world doesn’t depend on your doing everything right. And not everything that goes wrong is your fault. 

7. After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF. 

The calendar knows your pain. The words “hump day” don’t even scratch the surface. What you need is someone to share in your frustration that you’re not even halfway to your next day off. And, sometimes, profanity helps.

8. “If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.” — Albert Einstein

Why did no one tell you this when you were in school? Honestly, though, it pays to look closer at assumptions disguised as facts. People are too fond of “established wisdom.” Dig deeper.

9. Sometimes, you’re the windshield; sometimes, you’re the bug. 

Somedays, things go well, and you’re flying high. Other times, you face plant in your own mess.

It’s anyone’s guess how each day will go, but paying closer attention to the good stuff can make the bad stuff easier.

10. To get a loan, you first have to prove you don’t need it.

Behind the customer service language, every bank is a business. Prove you need a loan to survive, and they see you as an unnecessary risk; prove you don’t need a loan, and your satisfaction is their #1 priority.

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11. “The best thing about the future is it comes one day at a time.” — Abraham Lincoln.

One day has enough challenges in it to keep you busy. Who wants to deal with more than that if they have a choice?

Nobody, that’s who. One day’s problems for one day’s energy supply is enough. 

12. No one says, “It’s just a game,” when their team is winning. 

When you’re winning, the game takes on new meaning. It’s when you’re losing that “it’s just a game,” and you’d rather people focused on other things, like participating and camaraderie.  

13. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks, to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.” — Denis Waitley

Failing at something is usually a letdown, at least when you’re going through it.

But what you learn from that failure can help you succeed at something more important down the road. Think of it as self-improvement training. 

14. “A woman is like a tea bag; you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Unlike a tea bag, though, a woman can be dunked into hot water repeatedly without losing potency. In fact, the tea gets stronger every time. 

15. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” — Ernest Hemingway

Let’s just put it out there: Alcohol makes socializing a hell of a lot easier. In fact, it’s great for helping you get through a lot of things you’d rather avoid.

The tricky part? It’s easy to trick yourself into thinking you’re the one in control. 

16. When nothing goes right… go left. 

This is a classic pivot scenario. When things aren’t going the way you want them to, try looking at it from a different angle. And don’t be afraid to shake up your routine and try something new. 

17. “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” — Billy Sunday

More to the point, faithful adherence to a religion doesn’t make someone a good person. Real character is about what you do when you think no one is looking — and when it’s inconvenient. 

18. Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. 

Repeat these words whenever your jerk brain is saying, “If I can’t do it just perfectly, I won’t do it at all!” Better a rough start than no start at all (unless you’re cutting someone’s hair). 

19. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” — Anonymous

You don’t know what people are really dealing with when they seem all good on the outside. Even if you can’t walk in their shoes, trust that they’re dealing with something that you wouldn’t want to. 

Did any of these awesome mottos capture your outlook on life?

Now that you have 19 funny mottos to think about, which ones sounded most like you? Depending on what you’ve been through already, some will resonate more than others. 

In another ten years, you’ll probably adopt other mottos that speak to you on a personal level. And the ones you’re more likely to share with others probably have universal appeal. 

You have a sense, already, of what ideas connect you with others and which ones tend to keep you separate. 

The best humor brings people closer together. 

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Is it normal to feel this nervous?

After all, you’re looking forward to a date with someone who fascinates you. 

And while you usually don’t have a problem finding things to talk about, you wouldn’t mind a list of funny, philosophical questions about life. 

What better way to get the conversation started than with humor?

It’s worked well for you in the past, and it’ll help put you both more at ease with each other. 

So, what are funny questions to ask that will also get you both thinking? 

29 Funny Philosophical Questions 

1. Can you still daydream at night?

We know you have some great ideas for your nighttime dreaming. But if you’re awake and trying to give your brain some suggestions for dream time, is it daydreaming or just backseat driving? 

2. What should you say when God sneezes?

It sounds vaguely aggressive to say, “Bless Yourself.” You could just shorten it to “Bless you” like most of us do, anyway, but the question would remain: whose blessing are you asking for?

3. Why do banks have branches if money doesn”t grow on trees?

We’re obsessed with trees (for good reason), and one of the ways it manifests is in our referring to different installations of the same business as “branches.” What is it about trees that make us feel safer?

4. If milk can spoil in the refrigerator, why doesn’t it spoil inside of cows?

It probably has to do with the combination of body heat and the right balance of bacteria. The milk stays fresh until its delivery to the intended recipient: the hungry calf. 

5. Why are lethal injections sterilized?

Is this a question of protocol to ensure the same people who administer the lethal injection don’t forget that step when administering a remedy to someone else? Or is it to prevent a zombie uprising?

6. Which armrest is yours at a movie theater?

Holding a large tub of popcorn helps eliminate this problem since you need your arms to keep the container from tipping over.

At some point, you appreciate the armrests more for the cupholders than for anything else.

7. Why do angry drivers yell at other drivers when those drivers can’t hear them?

Maybe it’s cathartic. You get to vent your frustration without risking an actual fight with another driver. If you’ve got little ones in the car, though, count on their remembering the worst things to come out of your mouth.

8. Why does it take so long for quicksand to work?

For now, let’s ignore the fact that no one wants quicksand to work any faster than it does. It’s faster than solid ground, of course, and that’s bad enough for anyone unfortunate enough to step into it. 

9. Can vegetables feel pain when you bite into them? 

Maybe the cooked ones no longer do, but what about that tray of fresh veggies?

And what about the potted plants nearby, witnessing the carnage? Or do they see our consumption of plants as further proof of our interdependence?

10. How do towels get dirty if you only ever use them when you’re clean?

How do clean hands and bodies change the way a towel smells? How much of the change is due to bacteria in the damp air of the bathroom?

And will you ever use someone else’s damp bath towel again?

11. If we expect the unexpected, doesn’t the unexpected become expected?

How on earth are we supposed to expect what we don’t expect, anyway? This feels sort of like “thinking outside the box” but with extra high expectations. Plus, if I expected the unexpected, I’d never leave the house. 

12. If I try to fail, but I succeed, which one did I actually do? 

Have I failed at failing? Or have I succeeded despite my attempts to fail? What is success, and what is failure?

Why is success sometimes more terrifying than failure? When is failure better for you than success?

13. Why did Cinderella’s shoe fall off if it fit perfectly? 

Maybe the fairy godmother didn’t offer half-sizes. Or maybe one foot was slightly smaller than the other (more common than you might think). 

14. Why is an artichoke’s heart on its bottom?

Is there a reason our hearts are closer to our mouths than to our exit holes? And who are we to assume that’s the way it should be with every living thing? 

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15. Why do drive-through ATMs have Braille on the number pads? 

Who was it that looked at a drive-through ATM and said, “How thoughtless! Why do these number pads not have Braille on them? How are blind drivers supposed to get their money if they can’t read the numbers?” 

16. Why do dogs like to stick their heads out of a moving car, but they hate it when you blow on their faces? 

It could be the wind has better breath than the average person. It could also be dryer and overall less gross or obnoxious to your dog.

Honestly, which would you rather subject yourself to? 

17. Why do they nail down the lid of a coffin? 

Do they know something we don’t? Or is it to keep funeral guests from pilfering things about to be buried with the deceased — a ring, a perfectly good hairpiece, a gold watch…?

18. At what age do you become an “elderly” person?

Does the word apply when you can no longer kick high enough to make the person calling you elderly regret it? What do we mean when we describe someone as “elderly”?  

19. Do our pets have names for us, too? 

And do we want to know them? Sure, dogs probably have cute names for the humans they like. Cats, on the other hand, probably have demeaning names related to how we serve them. Yet we love them, anyway.

20. Why do we have seatbelts on planes but not on buses?

If a bus crashes into something, all the passengers lurch forward. If a plane crashes into something, everyone dies. Help me understand. 

21. Why do you get a flotation device on a plane but not a parachute?

In the event of a water landing, most of you will drown, anyway. But here’s a flotation device to give you false hope. If someone opens a side door mid-light, you won’t have time to strap on a parachute, anyway.

22. If I slap you with a dictionary, is it considered physical or verbal assault?

Can it be both? I think it should be both — two counts of assault from someone who let a dictionary do all the hard work. On the plus side, can we appreciate that printed dictionaries are still useful? 

23. What’s another word for “synonym”?

If you’ve donated your thesaurus (as one does), you can look this one up online and reach the same conclusion as the rest of us: There is no one-word synonym for synonym.

And this is is the dumbest question ever. 

24. If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress? 

Mind blown.

So, is it possible to have progress in congress? Or is that an oxymoron? And what is it about congress, specifically, that impedes progress? And has that been its purpose all along? 

25. Are you dreaming right now? How do you know? 

Maybe we’re all dreaming. But if we are, how do we wake up? Or is dreaming through one life after another the only way to learn what we need to learn to become fully conscious? What’s the endgame?

26. What’s the difference between a light meal and a large snack?

Is it about the total number
of calories, or does it have more to do with the foods you eat? Can crackers and cheese ever be a meal?

And can a kids’ meal ever be a snack?

27. If you were given a different name at birth, would you be a different person? 

Just how different are the Eustaces and Hortensias of the world from the Johns and Elizabeths?

If you had to change your name, what name would feel like the best fit? What name do you think might change you?

28. If one of your parents was a clown, would that make them scarier or more approachable?

Context is everything. If their clown face is the last thing you see before you go to bed, or if you see their disapproving frown behind the creepy, painted smile, you have years of therapy to look forward to. 

29. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon stick to the pan? 

How do they make it stay on the pan so it can keep your food from sticking to it? And how does that make up for the bits of Teflon that eventually end up in your food? 

Conclusion

Now you have 29 funny existential questions to consider, which ones stood out for you? And when are you most likely to use them? 

Maybe you’ll use some on your next date or the next time you hang out with friends. You can also use one in a text when checking up on a loved one. 

But if you don’t have occasion to ask weird philosophical questions out loud, you can always use these as journal prompts for your daily writing. 

Asking silly questions could make you a better writer. 

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