We humans have a long history of jumping into things before we’re ready — often finding out, later on, that waiting would have been better. 

Maybe you’re in a relationship with a man you love, but you can’t help asking, sometimes, “When do men emotionally mature?”

Because, as wonderful as he is, he’s not there yet.

It’s not his fault.

But you’re just not in the same place.

And it’s frustrating for you both.

So, what do you do?

What Is Emotional Maturity? 

Before we answer the question, “When do guys mature?” let’s clarify the confusion surrounding this topic and get clear on what emotional maturity is? 

While we’ll get more specific in the list at the end of this post, the following traits provide a general idea: 

• Ability to keep long-term commitments
• Honesty with themselves and others
• Equanimity in the face of both flattery and criticism
• Capacity for acting on character rather than emotions
• Preference for benefits greater than self-gratification

Why Are Some Men Not Emotionally Mature? 

Unfortunately, knowing the answer to “When do men mature?” is no guarantee the man in your life will mature with age. 

Many men do, but, alas, some men — or, more accurately, some people — choose to remain immature. The reasons vary. 

#1 — They don’t know any better. No mature role model has ever shown them what maturity looks like or how immaturity holds them back. And you don’t count. 

#2 — They feel looked down upon by you. And they refuse to imitate anyone who treats them like a child (even if they act like one). So, they double down on immaturity. 

#3 — They’re used to blaming other people for their problems. Other people have disappointed them, too. They’re not the only ones falling short of someone’s expectations. 

#4 — They’re used to blaming circumstances for their failures. In their eyes, when they fail at something, it’s because of things they can’t control, including other people’s perceptions of them. 

#5 — They don’t see a problem with their behavior. They seem to do all right just the way they are, so they think, “Why change?” They’re having more fun than their more mature peers (including their partner) seem capable of. 

The Most Common Behaviors of Men Who Aren’t Emotionally Mature 

Thanks to a study conducted by Nickelodeon UK, we have the following list of the top 30 signs of emotional immaturity, based on the observations of women: 

1. Finding farts and belching hilarious

2. Eating junk food at 2 am

3. Playing video games 

4. Driving too fast or racing other cars

5. Snickering a little at rude words or profanities

6. Driving with the music turned up too loud

7. Delighting in pranks / practical jokes

8. Trying to beat children at sports and games 

9. Clamming up during an argument (keeps emotions close)

10. Being inept at cooking (not universal)

11. Retelling the same tired jokes and stories when hanging out with friends

12. Being averse to talking about themselves (definitely not universal)

13. Rejecting books/reading because “It’s boring” or “I can’t sit still long enough.” 

14. Crazy dance moves (which are at least fun to watch)

15. Having their mom (or resident female) do their laundry

16. Having their mom (or resident female) make them breakfast/meals

17. Wearing trainers/workout clothes to a nightclub

18. Owning a skateboard or a BMX

19. Avoiding vegetables 

20. Job-hopping 

21. Getting overly excited about stag parties

22. Trying to do impressive stunts on their bike (wheelies, jumps, etc.)

23. Driving a moded car or one with a loud exhaust

24. Making sure you know other girls are checking them out (and aren’t you lucky?)

25. Wearing pajamas — especially cartoon jammies (beats a man hammock or Speedos)

26. Using 900 numbers or questionable “chat” lines

27. Showing off their workout routines, protein shakes, muscle gains, etc.

28. Not tidying up after themselves 

29. Wearing saggy jeans

30. Using a cartoon bedspread (Seriously?!)

Honestly, we can think of plenty of worse things you could notice in a guy. And, whatever your gender, emotional maturity is no guarantee of character or greatness of mind. 

That said, it’s time to finally answer the question: at what age does a man fully emotionally mature?

At What Age Does A Man Emotionally Mature? 

According to the new British study we mentioned earlier (the one commissioned by Nickelodeon UK), the average man doesn’t reach full emotional maturity until age 43. 

By contrast, the average woman matures at 32 — a full 11 years earlier — not because they put more effort into maturing but simply because… biology.  

The maturity gap isn’t always apparent, though. We humans are a mixed bag. 

So, what helps when you see the signs of emotional immaturity in your partner? 

Self-awareness is a good start. Turns out that men are almost twice as likely as women to describe themselves as immature. And only one in four describe themselves as mature. 

Also, to be fair, sometimes a little immaturity makes life more interesting. 

It becomes a problem when the female partner feels the need to mother her male partner (which isn’t fun for either one of them) because she sees him as less mature than herself — and doubts he’ll ever grow up. 

Now that we’ve covered the textbook signs of emotional immaturity, what does maturity look like?

17 Signs of Maturity in a Man 

Now that we’ve covered telltale signs of immaturity, let’s take a moment to appreciate at least these signs of maturity in a man. 

1. He thinks before acting. 

He’s learned how to use that gap between stimulus and response. And while we’re all more reactive when we’re tired (making better choices takes energy), he’s more likely to consciously choose a response with a better long-term effect. 

Maturity gives him an appreciation for the bigger picture, so he’s more likely to take that into account. 

2. He’s flexible and open-minded. 

He’s open to perspectives and beliefs other than his own, and he’d rather reach a compromise you can both live than stubbornly cling to what he’s always done, whatever it costs anyone else. This is critical to living in peace with other humans. 

He’s learned to bend, either the hard way or by observing and learning from others. 

3. He’s patient and understanding. 

He wants to understand why when things don’t go according to his expectations.

He’d rather look beyond what he’d initially assumed was correct to understand better where you’re coming from.

He may not change his mind, but he won’t assume that any belief contrary to his is wrong. 

4. He’s resilient. 

He bounces back when life knocks him down. He doesn’t waste time blaming others or complaining about what happened to him, though he may have every right to. He’ll acknowledge where he went wrong, learn from it, and keep going. 

Because he knows it’s up to him to create the life he wants. 

5. He’s both realistic and optimistic. 

Given a choice between seeing what’s good in his life versus seeing what’s wrong with it, he’d rather focus on what’s good — without losing sight of where he could make improvements that would change his life for the better. 

His optimism doesn’t blind him to pain and suffering. He’s just less fixated on the negatives he can’t control and more focused on what he can do to help.

6. He’s grateful. 

The mature man is grateful for the good in his life. He notices and appreciates the good in other people and is quicker to express gratitude than to complain about his life and the people in it.

Rather than constantly comparing his finances and lifestyle to his peers, he’s thankful for what he has and especially for the people who make his life richer. 

7. He understands and practices self-acceptance. 

While he knows he’s not perfect, the mature man doesn’t spend his time wringing his hands over his faults, mistakes, and failures. He celebrates his wins and looks for ways to make improvements. 

He accepts himself the way he is and encourages others to do the same. He also focuses on building habits that make winning easier. 

8. He learns from his mistakes. 

The mature man recognizes his mistakes for what they are and, rather than beat himself up for each one, he takes a closer look at where he went wrong to avoid repeating the mistake and do better. He learns, makes amends where he can, and moves forward. 

He doesn’t define himself by his mistakes and failures. He knows he’s a work in progress. 

9. He spends more time listening than talking. 

This guy doesn’t overwhelm others with long-winded, stream-of-consciousness monologues about himself. If invited, he’ll share stories, but he’s conscious of other people’s attention and too respectful of their time to spend it rambling about himself. 

Rather than launch into the same old stories about his past, he’d rather ask questions and listen to other people’s stories. Because he might learn something. 

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10. He’s compassionate. 

The mature man is compassionate toward others. Faced with suffering, he feels a strong impulse to do what he can to alleviate it because he’s suffered himself. And it’s made him kinder and slower to judge (or make uncharitable assumptions). 

He cares more about how people are doing than what people might think of him. 

11. He’s forgiving. 

Mature men are quicker to forgive because they know the cost of holding grudges, and they refuse to allow resentment to hold them back. They choose to forgive and to let go. 

Part of it is due to the mature man’s understanding of how he hurt others in the past. He values the forgiveness he’s received and understands its power — for both sides. 

12. He’s supportive — not controlling. 

The mature man will support you in your efforts to build the life you want, as long as it doesn’t conflict with his most deeply held beliefs. He won’t try to steer you in a direction that makes him feel more in control of your life or how your choices affect him.

He sees self-discipline as something worth cultivating. Controlling others has no appeal.

13. He’s respectful. 

Mature people treat others with respect as people of value with their own paths to take. 

A mature man doesn’t demand respect regardless of how he treats other people — including children and teens. 

He understands that to be respected — and to ‌respect himself — he must first treat others with the same respect he wants to be treated. 

14. He’s generous. 

Stinginess is a mark of immaturity in a person, whatever their age. A man who has the resources to help someone but would rather spend that money on items that don’t add real value to his life is not mature. He’s chasing the illusion of value. 

Mature men see value in helping others when they can, without expecting to be repaid. 

15. He can laugh at himself. 

The mature man is capable of laughing at himself. He doesn’t take himself or his failures so seriously that he guards his ego against the slightest hint of ridicule. He knows he makes mistakes, and some of them make for great comedy material. 

As long as he can learn from those mistakes, he can turn it all into good. And laughing at himself is part of how he practices self-acceptance. 

16. He expresses his feelings.

He doesn’t worry about anyone else’s idea of what it means to be a man. He’s human, and humans have feelings, so he’s not afraid to articulate what he’s feeling honestly. 

He doesn’t waste headspace on the opinions of anyone immature enough to think he’s lowering himself by being vulnerable. 

He knows what real strength is. And he exemplifies it more and more. 

17. He knows he still has plenty to learn — and he’s always learning. 

The more he learns, the more aware he is of how much he has yet to learn. 

He’s far more likely to listen with rapt attention to someone else talk about their experiences or what they’ve learned than to “mansplain” something of which he has limited knowledge to make himself feel better. 

He never stops learning. 

Now that you know why your guy is less mature and what emotional maturity looks like, we hope this sheds some light on your relationship and how to move forward. 

Whether you work together on cultivating the traits of maturity or take separate paths, we’re glad you took the time to learn more about this. 

May you and the people you care about find joy in each other. 

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Saying sorry to someone you hurt is a critical step toward making amends and rebuilding your relationship.

But it’s generally not something you look forward to. 

Asking for forgiveness from your child puts you in an even more vulnerable position. 

But if you find yourself wondering, “Will an apology to my daughter help mend our relationship?” you’re looking at it the wrong way. 

Before you can heal the rift, you need to acknowledge it — and how it got there.

How to Apologize to Your Grown Daughter: 11 Essential Steps 

If you’re not sure how to apologize to your grown daughter, you’re in the right place. The following steps can help you make the kind of apology your daughter needs from you.

Take the time to read through these and note the points that stand out for you.

1. Understand That You Hurt Her

Make sure you know what you’re apologizing for. Hurting someone you love probably wasn’t your intention, but you’re still responsible for the impact of your words and actions. 

Try to imagine how they made her feel. What would she want an apology for? Be specific when reflecting on what you’ve said and done.

If you’re still unsure, spend some time trying to see the situation from your estranged adult daughter’s perspective. Even if you don’t think you’d feel the same way, try to understand why she feels hurt or betrayed. 

2. Talk to Her One-on-One

Don’t apologize in front of other people. It puts pressure on your daughter to accept your apology and move on right away. She may not be ready to do this. Make sure she feels safe, respected, and understood.

This means no one — not even someone you both trust — needs to be there to witness it.

One-on-one conversations also provide the privacy needed for a deeper conversation. Make sure she has time to listen to your apology with no distractions. Be specific and give her your full attention.

3. Or Write Her a Letter

Texting doesn’t count — unless it’s the only way to reach her. If you can write an actual letter (on paper) and mail it to her, it tells her that you consider your relationship important enough to spend the time writing the letter and getting it out in the mail. 

Yes, email is easier (not to mention texting). But there’s a hidden cost to taking the path of least resistance. And if she already feels undervalued by you, this isn’t the way to go. 

Show her she’s worth the extra trouble. And put your heart into it. 

4. Don’t Make Excuses 

Don’t look for ways to justify your behavior. You might think a credible excuse will make her more likely to forgive you, but the “I’m sorry, but…” apology is more like a “Here’s why I’m right, and you’re overreacting.” 

You aren’t there to defend yourself; you’re there to accept responsibility. If there are certain factors you’d like her to know of, present them as just that — factors — not excuses or justifications. Don’t say, “I know I hurt you, but…” 

She needs to know you accept full accountability, no strings attached.

5. Stop expecting her to conform to your idea of what’s normal

She’s not you, and you shouldn’t expect her to think the way you do — nor should you assume your way of thinking is automatically superior, thanks to your extra decades of experience. Wisdom doesn’t always come with age. 

Be open to the possibility that you’re wrong — or, at least, that there’s more than one valid way to think and perceive. Your idea of normal isn’t universal. 

And she’s under no obligation to conform to it. 

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6. Say, “I’m Sorry”

It isn’t a genuine apology without those words. Express your remorse. When you get to the actual apology, make it genuine. Don’t draw it out with explanations or descriptions. 

Make sure she knows you acknowledge your mistakes and how they’ve hurt her.

Make eye-contact. Avoid making any jokes or side comments to “lighten the mood.” Hold her hand if you’re both comfortable with it. Apologizing is open and vulnerable. This vulnerability makes it scary, but you have to accept both the vulnerability and the discomfort. 

Show her you’re willing to put yourself out there.

7. Ask for Forgiveness 

Asking for forgiveness makes you vulnerable to rejection. When you ask her to forgive you, make it clear you’re not asking her to forget everything. And don’t expect instant and unconditional forgiveness just because you’re the parent. 

Let her know you understand her anger, but you also don’t want her to suffer from it anymore — or from the pain you’ve inflicted. Forgiveness will help her move on, but that doesn’t give you a right to pressure her into making that step. 

Don’t push her to let go, but be willing to support her in the way she needs. 

8. Start Taking Action to Improve

An apology is meaningless if nothing changes. Don’t say you’re sorry for your behavior if you plan to keep it up. Show her you intend to improve. Before she can accept your apology, she needs to see you putting in the work.

Let her know you’ll do everything possible to avoid hurting her again. Listen to her if she has suggestions on how to change. Don’t get defensive, and never try to justify any behaviors that have hurt her. 

Be as open to her feedback as you want her to be to your apology.

9. Give Her Space and Time

Don’t expect an answer immediately, especially if you’re apologizing for something big. She may need time to process and accept your apology. Don’t push her for a response.

Ask her if she needs a moment to process your apology. Offer to leave the room or bring her anything she might need. Remember you’re there to express remorse and give her the apology she deserves, not to fix your relationship immediately.

If you’ve wronged her, she’s allowed to feel cautious for as long as she needs. Rebuilding trust can take a long time. Show that you respect her boundaries and her healing process.

10. Give her Space to Say Anything 

When she’s ready to talk, let her say whatever she needs to say — without interrupting her or looking for points to debate with her. This is not the time to display your superior grasp of logic. Just listen to her. Focus your energy on understanding her point of view. 

Focus on respecting her enough as a person to care about what she’s feeling and what you’ve done or said that has contributed to that. 

Only when you try to see things from her perspective can you begin to really see her.

11. Accept Change 

As you move forward, you may have to actively work to change your behavior. In the same way, your relationship with your daughter will likely change. Even after she’s accepted your apology and moved on, your bond will not go back to the way it used to be.

Express a willingness to grow and accept whatever your relationship becomes. Remember to respect your daughter’s boundaries when rebuilding your connection. Don’t overstep or invade her privacy.

Change is natural and healthy. Accept it as it comes.

Now that you know how to apologize to your grown daughter, which of these tips stood out for you? And what will you do this week to help your daughter heal?

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It’s the big question on your mind lately: “Why is my grown daughter so mean to me?”

You used to be a lot closer, but now, whenever you try talking to her, she’s closed off and responds with a hostile and resentful attitude.

It seems she’s holding a grudge against you.

But before you jump to thinking, “My grown daughter hates me,” let’s examine the most likely reasons for her disrespectful behavior. 

Her reasons might not be what you think. 

Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean to Me? 7 Probable Reasons 

If daughters treat their mothers so badly, what’s the reason? Surely all this anger and disrespect didn’t come from nowhere. 

The truth is there are many reasons your daughter may be lashing out. It could have to do with your behavior, or it could be entirely about her own life. We’ve compiled a list of possible explanations for her hostile attitude towards you. 

1. She Doesn’t Have Healthy Coping Mechanisms

If your daughter doesn’t have healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with strong emotions, she’s likely to lash out at others.

This means that whenever she’s going through something, she will effectively make life miserable for those around her.

The easiest outlet for her anger is someone she loves. She’ll lash out at you over the most minor things. She’s looking for someone to blame besides herself.

Anger is a secondary emotion, usually caused by hurt or sadness. The purpose of anger is to protect. By lashing out, she feels she is defending herself when she feels most fragile.

2. She’s Asserting Her Identity.

Maybe she feels you don’t see her as a grown woman. If you still treat her like a child and demand respect, ask yourself how you’d react if your roles were reversed. 

If you’re trying to impose your idea of who she is, based on your “motherly intuition” and observations, she may be trying to show you who she is now — or who she wants to be — and is frustrated by your limited or skewed perception of her. 

Her hostility now doesn’t mean she’ll never be open to repairing the relationship. But you don’t get to define her based on who she was (or seemed to be) when she was growing up. Give her the space to discover and define herself. 

And focus more on showing respect than demanding it for yourself. 

3. She Needs to Heal

If she’s dealing with repressed trauma, it might be hitting her pretty hard. None of the unpleasant emotions from her past will stay shoved down forever. When they come up, they may result in resentment towards you, whether or not you did anything wrong.

If she’s looking for someone to blame for past trauma, a parent will be a likely candidate — especially if she feels you could have protected her if you’d been paying closer attention. 

You may be thinking, “I don’t like my grown daughter,” because she seemed so much happier as a kid. But if she’s struggling to deal with emotions she’s repressed, she needs you to care enough to consider outside help (i.e., a therapist). 

4. You Pressured Her When She Was Young

Was she always the ‘good kid’? Maybe she got straight A’s, always listened to her teacher, and never asked for anything. Perhaps she was really helpful in taking care of her younger siblings, or maybe she did more household chores than anyone else.

Because of this, you thought she was a perfectly happy kid. She was so responsible — so ‘mature’ for her age. She would surely grow into a bright and successful adult.

Unfortunately, taking on so many responsibilities at such a young age kept her from fully experiencing and enjoying childhood. She was so concerned with meeting expectations and being low-maintenance, she never had a chance to be a kid.

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5. You Let Her Get Away With Too Much

Holding someone to incredibly high standards won’t improve their mental health. But letting your kids get away with too much won’t set them up to be successful in life, either.

If you always said ‘yes’ to her when she was young, she may now believe everything she wants will fall into her lap. And when it doesn’t, she’s likely to blame you. 

The jarring reality of being an adult may be catching up to her, and if you didn’t teach her essential life skills, she might resent you now for her lack of preparation. Transitions aren’t easy, and she certainly wasn’t prepared for this one. 

6. You Were Too Strict

Strict parents don’t raise well-behaved children — at least, not for long. By setting limits on what she could do, you forced her to be secretive. She didn’t trust you with anything. She hid her struggles for fear of angering you. 

This fear made her an exceptional liar. You may think you knew her, but a large part of her personality was hidden from you. She found ways around your rules. She made excuses to cover things up.

As a child of strict parents, she never trusted adults to handle situations without getting angry and punishing her without even trying to understand. Maybe you never told her why she couldn’t do something, so she had to learn consequences the hard way.

7. She Feels Worthless

Whether you contributed to this feeling or not, it’s there. She struggles with her confidence and self-image. This low self-esteem makes her prone to lashing out towards those she loves when she feels insecure.

This reaction, of course, isn’t an excuse for her behavior. But her feelings of worthlessness may have started a long time ago. If she was a low-maintenance kid, she might have grown to believe that she didn’t deserve certain things. So, she never asked you for anything.

Feelings of worthlessness commonly correlate with anxiety and depression. Both of these can make someone socially withdrawn or prone to bursts of anger.

What Do You Do When Your Daughter Turns Against You? 

Most likely, her sudden disrespectful attitude towards you isn’t entirely your fault or hers. She’s responsible for her own behavior towards others, but you’re responsible for the way you treat her.

There are many things you can do to improve your bond with your daughter. Some of these methods may work better than others.

• Talk to her — Have a heart-to-heart discussion, and don’t be defensive. Set boundaries when talking, and don’t respond to her attacks. You should both agree to use “I” statements, explaining how a situation makes you feel instead of blaming the other person. Ex: “I feel hurt when you don’t respond to my texts” instead of “You always ignore me.”
• Listen to understand, not to defend yourself — If you’re going to listen, then really listen to what she has to say when she’s ready to talk. Don’t react by taking things personally and rushing to defend your actions. Put your ego aside, and focus on her. 
• Redefine your relationship — If she sees you as a strict mom, it may be hard to make her see you any other way. You have to accept that as you try to rebuild your relationship, it will look different than it did before. Be open to growth. 
• Go to therapy — You and your daughter should both go to therapy. If she’s dealing with her own issues, this will give her an outlet to sort through them. If you did something to hurt her, this would provide you an opportunity to discuss it with a third person. You can reflect on what you did wrong, what she did wrong, and how to make up for the mistakes you both made.
• Apologize — If you hurt her, the first step to mending your relationship is a sincere apology. Admit that you were wrong, and acknowledge how it affected her. Once you’ve apologized, give her space if she needs it, but don’t respond to attacks. If she’s angry, she may need time to calm down.

Now that you’ve read through this list of possible explanations for your daughter’s behavior, which of them stood out for you? And what will you do differently today?

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