A most highly adored book, The Mastery of Love was written by Toltecs teacher Don Miguel Ruiz in 1997. Since its genesis, it has earned numerous impressive accolades. With over 16 million copies sold worldwide, it’s been translated into an astonishing 46 languages, and it sustained a place on the New York Times Best Seller list for almost a decade.

With so many prestigious achievements, one’s mind can’t help but be gripped with curiosity. What makes this piece of work so special? What treasures must the contents of this book contain? Ultimately, the Mastery of Love is all about cultivating an authentic and loving relationship with the self. When an individual’s relationship with themselves is healthy and balanced, they’re better able to make positive changes in other areas of life.

A great takeaway from many who’ve read Mastery of Love includes the transformational overhaul of one’s automatic emotional responses. There’s much to unearth about our emotional responses, and how to go about transmuting them, from this text. The Toltecs, and Don Miguel Ruiz more specifically, gifted our world with this knowledge. Their hope being that we learn to take control of our reality and create lives we enjoy living.

Don Miguel Ruiz And The Toltecs

Creator of The Mastery of Love is Mexican author Don Miguel Ruiz. A practicing surgeon until he faced a near death experience, Ruiz shifted his life’s work towards his greater calling; becoming a Toltec spiritual teacher. The Nahuatl name “Toltec” translates to “artisans.” Scientists and artists, Toltecs have been known for thousands of years as “men and women of knowledge.”

Although Don Miguel Ruiz is one of the better-known modern Toltec teachers, their spiritual work has reverberated throughout the world since the ancient Mesoamerican people gathered near Teotihuacan to carve out and enrich their teachings. “Artists of the spirit,” Toltecs continue to thrive today as teachers of potent truth and love-based understandings.

The rudiments of their work inspired Ruiz to write The Mastery of Love, where readers learn about truth, love, and forgiveness. These three qualities allow an individual to transmute their automatic emotional responses more easily.

Truth, Forgiveness, And Unconditional Love

Fundamentally, Toltecs believe that within each human being lives a potential “master.” This master is the embodiment of which traits we practice the most in life. Either we are loving, free, giving, and authentic. Or, we train our master to be fearful, greedy, jealous, and self-rejecting. The master we practice the most reigns supreme over the direction and disposition of our lives.

To consciously choose the master that we desire to rule, we have to unlearn many things about ourselves. Aspects or statements we were raised and conditioned to believe. This includes unworthiness, fear of rejection, and the lack of self-acceptance. Put simply, we become the creators of our reality if we can uproot the unhealthy “weeds” in our minds that we’ve continuously watered.

These weeds grow when we experience injustices. Throughout childhood and adolescence, injustices from our parents, friends, and society slowly take away our ability to forgive. This lack of forgiveness strengthens our judgments of self and others, and bolsters our fearful and critical side. As we age, we also learn to seek love and validation from outside of ourselves. The Toltecs remind us that true love can only come from within. “Love creates the master,” says Ruiz.

Through a practice of harnessing unconditional love for the self and learning how to forgive others of injustices they had us endure, we’re able to see the truth of life. This truth shows us the way to the seat of our awareness.

When we are aware, we are conscious of our choices, actions, reactions, and emotions. While this is no easy feat, it is our life’s task to speak, think, and react with control and honesty. If someone/something pains us and we automatically react with hatred or volley a dose of pain right back, we lose. We sink further into fear, separation, and back into the seat of the master that we don’t want to be.

Practicing Who We Are Instead Of Who We Are Not

If we’re conscious of our emotional reactions to anything and anyone, we then have choices. Do we choose to react with rejection, fear, or hurtful words and actions? Or do we want to respond with love, forgiveness, compassion, and understanding? Life is but a continuous set of choices that we have to make. The Toltec teachings are all about practicing the act of choice. Practicing who we truly are at our core instead of who we are not.

We are beings of love. Each of us can transmute our automatic emotional responses by stepping into love and away from fear, rejection, and unworthiness. To consciously invoke this transmutation, Ruiz says we must open our emotional wounds, using truth as the scalpel. When lies told by others or lies we’ve told ourselves are discharged from our wounds, we develop greater capacity to be who we truly are.

Transmuting Your Automatic Emotional Responses

No matter how difficult a choice can be to make consciously, no matter how easy it is to collapse back into our default mode, we must learn to return to our awareness time and time again. We must learn to make all of our choices from a place of unconditional love, truth, and forgiveness.

Start out with a beginner’s mind. Find moments of contemplation by way of meditation, journaling, and having conversations with those you trust. Note circumstances in the recent past where you responded from the seat of the loving master. Conversely, admit in what ways you responded with fear, pain, or anger. During this process, be sure to show yourself grace. The human experience is highly complex and perfection is impossible.

The more honest we are, the more examples we find of times we conducted ourselves the way we intended to. And the ways we did not intend to where we were not living from our heart. Over time, our patterns, automatic programming, and default responses emerge. When we reach this pattern recognition stage, we are then routed back to the conscious choices we want to make.

Before making choices, we can ask ourselves, “do I want to embolden my loving, truthful, forgiving master? Or do I want to activate the fearful, hurtful, rejecting master?” The choice is always up to us.

Toltecs firmly believe that we can be the creator of our lives. We can take the seat of the master within each of us that simply loves. To transmute your emotional responses, breathe life into the master that waits patiently for your permission to exist.

“You don’t need to justify your love, you don’t need to explain your love, you just need to practice your love. Practice creates the master.” ― Don Miguel Ruiz

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Do you feel like you’re constantly under pressure? Do you feel like you can’t get a break from the stress of daily life? If so, you’re not alone. Millions of people around the world feel stressed out and overwhelmed on a daily basis. But did you know that there are things you can do to become more stress free?

Get Enough Sleep

We all know that getting enough sleep is important, but most of us don’t get nearly enough. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that adults aged 26-64 get at least seven hours of sleep per night. But according to a recent study, more than one-third of Americans get less than six hours of sleep per night. If you want to reduce your stress levels, ensure you’re getting plenty of quality sleep. If you find yourself struggling to switch off and get those needed hours in, try CBD or even some camomile tea to relax before bed.

Eat Healthy Foods

Another great way to reduce stress is by eating healthy foods. Foods like fruits and vegetables are high in antioxidants and other nutrients that can help improve your mood and lower your stress levels. Processed foods and sugary snacks, on the other hand, can have the opposite effect and contribute to feelings of stress. So make sure you’re eating plenty of healthy foods to help keep your stress levels under control.

Exercise Regularly

Exercise is another excellent way to reduce stress. In fact, a recent study found that people who exercised regularly had lower levels of cortisol (the hormone associated with stress) than those who didn’t exercise. So if you want to feel less stressed out, make sure you’re getting regular exercise.

Take Breaks Throughout The Day

One of the best ways to reduce stress is by taking breaks throughout the day. When we’re constantly working without any breaks, our minds become overwhelmed and stressed out. But when we take short breaks to relax and rejuvenate, our minds have a chance to recuperate, and we become less stressed overall. So make sure you’re taking regular breaks throughout the day to help reduce your stress levels.

Practice Meditation Or Mindfulness

Meditation and mindfulness are two great ways to reduce stress. Both of these practices involve focusing on the present moment and clearing your mind of all distractions. This can be helpful in reducing feelings of anxiety and stress. If you’re interested in learning more about meditation or mindfulness, there are plenty of resources available online.

Get Organized

One of the best things you can do for yourself is get organized. When our lives are cluttered and chaotic, it can be difficult to relax and feel stress-free. But when our homes and desks are neat and tidy, it’s easier to focus on the task at hand and not feel so overwhelmed. So if you want to reduce your stress levels, start by getting organized.

Take Some Time For Yourself

One of the best things you can do to reduce stress is to take some time for yourself. This doesn’t mean you have to go on a vacation or stay in all day, but it means making time each day for activities you enjoy. Whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or spending time with friends and family, make sure you’re carving out some time each day to relax and de-stress.

Practice Deep Breathing Exercises

Deep breathing exercises are another great way to reduce stress. When we’re stressed out, our breathing tends to be shallow and quick. But by practicing deep breathing exercises, we can slow down our breathing and achieve a more relaxed state of mind. There are many different types of deep breathing exercises, so find one that works best for you and try to practice it regularly.

Set Realistic Goals

Finally, one of the most important habits to learn to reduce stress is setting realistic goals. When we set unrealistic goals for ourselves, we’re bound to feel stressed out and overwhelmed. But when we set goals that are attainable and within our reach, we’re more likely to achieve them without feeling as though we’re under pressure. So take some time to assess your goals and make sure they’re realistic ones that you can actually achieve.

In our fast-paced society, it’s no wonder that so many people feel stressed out daily. Juggling work, family, and social obligations can be overwhelming, and it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos. However, these are just a few of the many habits you can adopt to help reduce your stress levels. If you want to live a stress free life, start by incorporating some of these habits into your daily routine.

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If you’re currently living with anxiety, then you already know how frequently it can get in the way of you living your best life. It doesn’t necessarily have to be severe to do so, either. Even mild or occasional anxiety can cause troubling physical, mental, and emotional symptoms that can make you feel like you’re living in a cage. Fear of experiencing further anxiety can keep you from living life to the fullest, as well.

However, it’s important to realize that anxiety of any severity level doesn’t have to be something you simply learn to live with. With the right stress management techniques, medications, medical assistance, and more in your corner, you can learn to control your anxiety so it doesn’t control you. Here’s a closer look at the benefits.

You’ll Sleep A Lot Better

The consequences of not getting enough good quality sleep are well-documented. Not only are you not at your best during your waking hours, but your risk of getting sick or developing conditions like cancer or heart disease go way up if the problem is a chronic one.

Chronic anxiety can disrupt your sleep in a variety of ways. Many people with anxiety struggle to fall asleep in the first place, or they may wake up multiple times during the night. Anxiety can also cause vivid dreams or nightmares that further affect the quality of your sleep, even if you’re technically getting enough.

Addressing your anxiety can mean actually going to sleep at night, sleeping peacefully all the way through, and waking up in the morning refreshed. Your focus will improve, and so will your health. You’ll be better able to cope with anxiety and stress going forward, as well.

Your Self-Esteem Will Improve

It’s not just the physical and mental effects of anxiety that make it such a burden to deal with. It’s also the way it makes you feel about yourself. People who suffer from anxiety, especially the chronic kind that can go on for years, also suffer from feelings of worthlessness or crippling self-doubt. They can wrongly start to feel like they’re lazy, incompetent, or somehow worth less than others.

The decision to treat and manage your anxiety may be one of the most empowering ones you ever make. You’ll start to realize that you’re in control of your life, not your anxiety. Your confidence will grow, especially over time. You’ll gradually become more comfortable taking calculated risks, tackling challenges head-on, and trusting yourself to make good decisions, as well.

And it doesn’t exactly hurt that getting your anxiety in check can also make you look better. Anxiety can cause or exacerbate weight gain, acne breakouts, and premature aging – all things that can affect how comfortable a person might feel in their own skin. But taking it off the table can help reverse those effects.

Your Relationships Will Get Better

Chronic anxiety has a way of taking a wrecking ball to everything a person loves about their life. It can hinder or halt career progress. It can negatively affect your health, eventually leading to all sorts of undesirable consequences. It can even get in the way of having healthy, happy, mutually fulfilling relationships.

To begin with, stress tends to be contagious. If you’re in a frequent (if not constant) state of worry, panic, or stress, it can hard on your friends and family – especially if they badly want to help you, but don’t know how. Anxiety can also skew the way you view your close relationships or process another person’s supposed intentions. Fear of rejection, abandonment, and other negative consequences can make a person with anxiety hesitant to pursue close relationships with others in the first place, as well.

It’s Easier To Turn Things Around Than You Think

Although anxiety has a way of making you feel like it will always be with you, it’s important to understand that’s not the case. You can turn things around over time, and the whole process starts with just one decision to make a change.

If you’re not sure where to start, reach out for help from a friend, relative, or trusted mentor. Visit a platform like UnwindingAnxiety.com for tips on how to start rewiring your thinking one step at a time. Make an appointment with a therapist to talk about options. There’s help out there that can really make a difference, so reach out today!

*collaborative post

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Among the many values of sports, there are three special lessons that transition flawlessly into life. Every successful person I have ever worked with has developed these three concepts.

FQ is more important than IQ

I was directing a basketball clinic in Salt Lake City, Utah when Dale Brown, the former Louisiana State University coach, spoke these words, “Your FQ is more important than your IQ.” He then explained that your FQ is your Failure Quotient. How often can you fail at something and have the resiliency to get right back up?

Pat Riley, the president of the NBA’s Miami Heat, wrote, “Success is getting up one more time than you’ve been knocked down.” If there is one constant in the athletic world, it is that athletes will meet failure.

Baseball players must develop strong FQ’s because failure is a huge part of their game. Great hitters fail 7 out of 10 at bats. They experience failure 70% of the time. Basketball players have a similar experience. A player is an outstanding 3 point shooter if he fails 6 out of every 10 shot attempts.

The University of St. Francis basketball team I coached for 34 years played in a tournament in New York against the number 2 ranked team in the country. They were a great team and they beat us on a shot at the final buzzer.

Our best shooter, who was averaging 17 points per game, took 10 shots in the game and failed to make one basket. We had to play another game the next day. Before the game I told him, “If I see you open and you don’t shoot, I am taking you out of the game. You are our best shooter and you will shoot us into the national tournament at the end of the season.”…And that is exactly what he did because he had developed a resilient FQ.

Life can often be a struggle. Most of us will meet failure personally and/or professionally. There is a lot of adversity out there and none of us are exempt. We have to beat failure in life just like our player did in the athletic arena. We have to get back up. How? Two ways: Learn from it and put it behind you.

“I’ve failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

Team ego

Bill Russell played for the Boston Celtics for 13 years. In 11 of those 13 years, the Celtics won the NBA championship. Russell said whenever the Celtic players entered a building for a practice or a game, they left their individual egos at the door. But what they brought in was their Team Ego.

They knew they were a talented team and they also knew they played together. Their Team Ego was telling their opponent that they better bring an outstanding game if they were to beat the Celtics, because the Celtics knew they would bring a great game every night.

The essence of athletics is teamwork. John Wooden, the legendary UCLA basketball coach, taught, “The main ingredient of a star is the rest of the team.” He was fortunate to coach numerous stars and he got them to believe in his team first philosophy.

Michael Jordan was a star. I saw him play in person at the Chicago Stadium and the United Center at least 40 times during the most important time of the season – the NBA playoffs. He is the best player I have ever seen play the game.

When you think of Jordan, you think of his great scoring ability, but you seldom hear what a great teammate he was. He practiced harder than anyone on the Bulls; he was their best defensive player, arguably the best defender in the entire NBA; and he is the leading assist man in Bulls history. Jordan set the tone for the Bulls Team Ego!

I have worked with some outstanding leaders – principals at the high school level and presidents at the collegiate level. They knew they could not lead alone; they needed to develop a strong team and they did two things toward this goal: They surrounded themselves with good people and they gave all the credit away. They created a strong Team Ego by taking the blame but passing the credit on.

Listening

Sport is a great arena to develop the skill of listening. Every sport begins with the teaching of the fundamentals. Every sport teaches a system of play. Every athlete wants playing time and that begins and ends with listening. It is only by listening intently that a player can successfully understand and implement the fundamentals and the system.

One player not listening to game planning and game coaching can destroy team play. One player not in the right spot at the right time leads to broken plays.

Classroom teaching and the teaching of sport are the same, with one exception. Teachers and coaches teach their subject matter in the classroom and their systems on the athletic fields and courts. When the classroom exam comes, the students must know the subject matter to perform well. The exam in athletics is the game.

The players must execute the system the coach has taught them during the game. However, the opponent will do all he can to not allow the team to run their system. It would be like a student taking an exam with someone’s hand waving over his eyes during the entire exam! Players must develop the skill of listening if they are to beat the opponents who are waving their hands at them throughout the game.

Every great leader I’ve worked with was a great listener. They listened with their ears and their eyes. Their eyes were riveted on the person speaking as they gave that person their full attention.

The bottom line to listening in life is simple: LISTENING IS RESPECT.

“It’s lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.” – Muhammad Ali

The development of a strong FQ, concentrating on team ego, and listening  – great lessons that can be learned in athletics –  do lead to a successful life.

If these lessons of sport and life lead to success, you may want to remember John Wooden’s maxim:Talent is God given, so be humble, Fame is man given, so be thankful, But conceit is self-given, and you better be careful.

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