Guys can sometimes be a little self-conscious, but that feeling can paralyze men with low self-esteem. 

If you’ve been wondering whether your guy has low self-esteem, there are subtle signs that can help you identify that he might. 

And if you’re concerned, act sooner rather than later to work on the problems together –  or decide to move on if necessary. 

Let’s explore the characteristics of guys with low self-esteem and how you can help them feel better about themselves.

What Causes Low Self-Esteem in a Man?

Low self-esteem is quite common in men.

Several factors can contribute to men being dissatisfied with their looks, social life, and personal life.

Below are seven leading causes of low self-esteem in men.

1. Comparison to Other Guys

Guys are often critical of themselves and emphasize their perceived shortcomings compared to other men. They tend to look at the negative rather than the positive aspects of their lives and themselves. 

This tendency can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Men should compare themselves to realistic standards, not to others who have different values than they do.

2. Dating Pressure

Men are taught from a young age to avoid showing vulnerability, so their dating experiences often leave them feeling insecure about their value as men.

 Men also try to strive for perfection, which can leave them feeling inadequate or that they don’t match the competition in the dating pool.

3. Gender Stereotypes

Men often feel inferior to stereotypes of masculinity. Many male children and young men were once discouraged from showing emotion. 

Young boys learn to accept that being feminine is wrong, and they shouldn’t reveal any typically feminine interests or emotions. 

With so few role models validating their feelings, it’s no wonder many men have low self-esteem and don’t feel comfortable in their skin.

4. Mental Health Issues or Trauma

Anxiety and depression make many guys feel inferior. Mental health disorders might make you feel “less than” others even if you don’t consider yourself that way. 

Lack of self-esteem can be caused by sexual abuse, domestic violence, lack of validation, or feeling unwanted as a child. Adverse events leave mental and physical scars that affect how you see yourself.

5. Body Image Issues

Many men are exposed to attractiveness and thinness ideals from a young age in our appearance-obsessed culture. 

False standards can still affect adults as our culture also glorifies conventionally attractive women. Therefore, advertisers often portray their ideal lady based on how she looks, which can make men self-conscious and insecure.

6. Fear of Failure

People sometimes feel like failures if they don’t achieve their goals. Low self-esteem can cause problems in men’s lives, although many don’t realize it.

People tend to feel like they’re letting people down or embarrassing themselves when things go wrong. This can lead to low self-esteem among guys, who may feel like losers if they aren’t accomplished.

7. Lack of Validation from Others

Men need external validation of their abilities and accomplishments to feel a sense of self-worth. 

Being told that you are competent or talented will not typically cut it for most men. Men need affirmations and positive feedback from the people they care about and from potential love interests.

13 Characteristics of a Man with Low Self-Esteem

Many men have low self-esteem. While not necessarily a secret, some of them are not so obvious. These are 13 signs of low self-esteem in a man.

1. He berates you (and others) without cause.

A man with low self-esteem is a man that feels inferior to others and needs to prove himself continually. He may believe others will recognize his superiority if he criticizes them. 

This behavior is toxic and can make people feel uncomfortable and even retaliatory. A man with low self-esteem typically walks around with a chip on his shoulder.

2. Your sex life is less than ideal.

His moodiness and lack of self-confidence impede physical intimacy and communication. This can cause issues in a relationship, as well as in daily life. 

It can be hard to get your partner to open up when they feel inferior, so they tend to keep things to themselves.

 This can make sexual activity feel like an obligation instead of something desirable, making your partner feel guilty and worsening the problem. 

It can also make it harder for him to reach out for help if he needs it. Low self-esteem can make it harder for your partner to feel okay about asking for what he needs.

3. He’s defensive and blames others.

He dislikes being exposed and vulnerable, so he meets any criticism with his vehement denial.

When confronted, a man with low self-esteem will say, “I’m not doing that. That’s just who I am.” When criticized, he’ll deny it, pretend it didn’t happen or make it a joke. 

He ignores or blames his flaws when confronted with them. He’ll feel like others are out to get him when they criticize or point out his shortcomings. 

He may withdraw from others or start fights or arguments. Most do it to avoid feeling bad about themselves.

4. He looks outside himself for contentment and fulfillment.

He finds worth in his job, career, finances, romantic relationships, appearance, or other external sources. Most of these things can’t fulfill our desires nor give us more. 

They can’t fill our void. A man with low self-esteem may need constant validation from external sources to feel worthy.

When we love and accept ourselves, we can start to accept and value the unique individual rather than the roles we play.

5. He doesn’t feel loveable or desirable.

He can’t see why anybody would fall in love with him. Because he has low self-esteem, he believes he must be repulsive to the opposite sex. 

He may think he is too fat, too skinny, has ugly facial features, has an unattractive body, is not good enough, not smart enough, or not a good lover. 

A man with low self-worth may not call often or send you enough messages to make you feel valued or compliment you enough to feel appreciated.

When he doesn’t feel good about himself, he has trouble expressing positive feelings about others.

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6. He acts insecure and feels shameful.

Everything he does causes him to feel guilty, and he doesn’t know how to stop being apologetic.

A man with low self-esteem will suffer a lot, feel sorry for himself, and not understand what he does that affects the people around him. 

He’ll keep apologizing because he doesn’t feel like he deserves better. He’ll be hard on himself and feel like he’s not successful or good enough. 

And sometimes, he’ll act like a child, making excuses and blaming others.

7. He shifts blame.

He puts his self-doubt on you, shifting the responsibility from himself to you. Instead of owning up to his feelings and actions, he blames you. 

He may gaslight you by telling you that you are overreacting or exaggerating his behavior. 

He may also try to diminish your feelings,  dismiss your opinions, or tell you you’re too sensitive. He may even tell you you’re overreacting or being too complex.

8. He has trouble making decisions.

Men with low self-esteem often seek validation from others when they feel down, but they may receive the wrong kind. 

He may feel inadequate if he must make decisions that affect others, such as hiring staff or deciding what to do with his assets. 

This issue can result from feeling like he’s not good enough or that his opinion doesn’t matter. His insecurity can also make him feel not in control of his own life, further decreasing his self-esteem.

9. He carries himself uncomfortably.

His demeanor lacks confidence, and he refuses to accept compliments. Low self-esteem does not allow a man to perceive his value. 

This deficiency manifests in how he carries himself, his interactions with people, and his overall approach to social situations. He is uncomfortable with praise and will deflect it with a negative comment. 

He may become somewhat of a hermit, preferring to spend time with people who make him feel good about himself rather than seek out those who may challenge him.

10. He has a victim mentality.

This mentality manifests itself as constant pessimism and jealousy. He sees the world as dangerous and is always worried about being attacked and criticized. 

He perceives himself as a victim and believes he deserves whatever he gets. When he feels inadequate, he may experience physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, or muscle pains. 

These ailments can make him seem weak, passive, and indecisive, but it’s a way to avoid mental anguish. His intense emotions make him view others as enemies. When wronged, he may lash out.

11. He has anxious body language.

This behavior can manifest in fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, clenching hands, rubbing his neck, twitching, pacing, or sighing. 

He may stand with his arms crossed or slouch or lean away from the person to whom he’s talking. 

Non-verbal communication can tell you a lot about how a guy feels about himself. If a guy exhibits many dismissive or aloof body language cues, it might be a sign that he doesn’t regard himself well.

12. He’s an indifferent listener and seems self-centered.

He has trouble imagining another’s situation. It’s hard for him to put himself in anyone else’s shoes. 

He’s a poser and will wear a mask to act confident. He desperately tries to fake confidence when he doesn’t feel it. He may listen carefully and seem eager to learn when you talk to him. To show interest, he may repeat what you said. 

But though he looks open to advice and new experiences, he won’t ask for help because he’s insecure. He may be critical of others and see them as incompetent, but these are just deflections revealing his feelings about himself.

13. He feels inferior to others.

His inferiority may cause him to compare you to others or the “ideal woman” and feel you aren’t good enough, despite your efforts to make him feel valued. 

Because he feels inadequate or like a failure, he needs you to make him look good and boost his fragile ego. 

He’ll avoid situations where he might feel inferior to others. It causes him to withdraw from social settings and avoid activities that require him to be around other men. 

How to Support Your Man with Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can have a detrimental impact on your relationship. 

For men, you must understand that low self-esteem is not a character flaw. It has a root cause that you must address through therapy, practice, and patience.

If your partner has low self-esteem, you can help him feel better by showing love and acceptance. You can do a few things to support your partner with low self-esteem.

• Be patient. Building self-esteem can take time to develop and change. Be willing to be there for your partner as he learns new skills or grows as a person.
• Provide reassurance. If your partner has low self-esteem, he may hesitate to ask for help or admit that he needs help. Reassure him that you are there to support him when he needs it.
• Respect his boundaries. If your partner has low self-esteem, he may have certain limits you need to respect. For example, he may not want to talk about his feelings if he doesn’t feel comfortable. Don’t push him too much in this area; give him the space and security to open up when he wants to.
• Model positive behavior. Men need to see that it’s okay to like themselves and that other people value them. When he sees you demonstrating these traits, he may be more inclined to adopt them.
• Listen and offer genuine empathy. He may feel misunderstood or alone, so validating his feelings can go a long way toward helping him feel less isolated.
• Try not to take too much credit for his accomplishments. This can make him feel insecure about his abilities. Instead, focus on what you have done together as a team and celebrate your achievements as a couple.

Low self-esteem can be caused by trauma, mental illness, and professional and social pressures. If you notice any characteristics of low self-esteem in your man, it is best to approach him with words of encouragement and love.

A man can elevate his self-esteem by first recognizing that it’s lacking. Then he must work on self-acceptance and try to improve whatever he can.

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Who are the men in your life that are more than just decent human beings – they are exceptionally good people?

Maybe you’re thinking of your husband, boyfriend, father, brother, co-worker, or close friend. 

Whoever it happens to be, you see him as a role model, both to you and others.

He is the type of man deserving of recognition and admiration.

You can do both with our list of quotes about a good man.

99 of the Best Good Man Quotes to Remind Him of His Awesomeness

If you want to show this outstanding man how much you think of him, use an amazing man quote to get your message across. You can:

• Write it in an appreciation card.
• Have it printed on a coffee mug for him.
• Print it and frame it as a special gift. 
• Use one when you raise a toast to him at a celebratory gathering.

Come up with your own ideas, but don’t allow these quotes to just sit here on the page.

Put them to use and make that special guy feel great about himself.

Appreciate a Good Man Quotes

1. “I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.” – William Butler Yeats

2. “I think a gentleman is someone who holds the comfort of other people above their own. The instinct to do that is inside every good man, I believe. The rules about opening doors and buying dinner and all of that other ‘gentleman’ stuff is a chess game, especially these days.” — Anna Kendrick

3. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” – Theodore Roosevelt

4. “There is nothing noble being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” — Ernest Hemingway

5. “You’ve found a good man when he makes you want to be a better woman.” – The Good Man Project

7. “Trying to learn to be a good man is like learning to play tennis against a wall. You are only a good man – a competent, capable, interesting and lovable man – when you’re doing it for, or with, other people.” – A. A. Gill

8. “The mark of a great man is one who knows when to set aside the important things in order to accomplish the vital ones.” – Brandon Sanderson

9. “The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.” — Thomas Paine

10. “If you are afraid of the sunlight, you ain’t a good man!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

11. “Consider yourself lucky for having met him, for he’s the kind of man who’ll prove you right.” – Nicholas Sparks

12. “Being a ‘good man’ is something you do, not something you are.” – Luvvie Ajayi

13. “It makes a big difference when men respect women. There are a lot of men who don’t, so that’s the main quality that would make a good man a great man.” – Stephanie Sigman

14. “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” – Samuel Johnson

15. “A good man will recognize a good woman without her having to beg him to do so.” – Alex Elle

16. “A good guy is like a four-leaf clover; lucky to have but hard to find.” – Unknown

17. “So, being a good man is not an exam or a qualification. It changes, and it incorporates being a good friend, a good father, a good employee, a good boss, a good neighbor, and a good citizen.” — A.A. Gill

18. “In the face of inhumanity, a good man reacts, but a great one acts.” – James Rollins

19. “Nothing deters a good man from doing what is honorable.” – Seneca the Younger

21. “Death and love are the two wings that bear the good man to heaven.” – Michelangelo

22. “It is his nature, not his standing, that makes the good man.” — Publilius Syrus

23. “The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.” — Bob Marley

24. “A good man will never harm or oppress another. A good man will share his last morsel of food with others in need, and die of hunger when he no longer has any food – instead of cheat or steal from others to survive. Selflessness. Humility. Truthfulness. These are the three marks of an honorable man.” – Suzy Kassem

Having a Good Man Quotes

25. “The good man does not grieve that other people do not recognize his merits. His only anxiety is lest he should fail to recognize theirs.” – Confucius

26. “A gentleman will open doors, pull out chairs, and carry things. Not because she’s helpless or unable, but because he wants to show her that she is valuable and worthy of respect.” — Charles J. Orlando

27. “The first step to be a good man is this: You must deeply feel the burden of the stones some else [is] carrying.” — Mehmet Murat Ildan

28. “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” — Marcus Aurelius

29. “A good man is kinder to his enemy than bad men are to their friends.” — Joseph Hall

30. “A real man won’t date the most beautiful girl in the world — he’ll date the girl that makes his world beautiful.” — Unknown

31. “Just because you are a nice guy, doesn’t mean you are a good man.” – Zyanya Torres

32. “A real man can’t stand seeing his woman hurt. He’s careful with his decisions and actions, so he never has to be responsible for her pain.” — Unknown

33. “One can know a man from his laugh, and if you like a man’s laugh before you know anything of him, you may confidently say that he is a good man.” — Fyodor Dostoevsky

34. “You have to be a man before you can be a gentleman.” – John Wayne

35. “Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.” – Chuck Norris

36. “One good man, one good man, it ain’t much – it’s only everything.” – Deborah Kerr

37. “Adversity toughens manhood, and the characteristic of the good or the great man is not that he has been exempt from the evils of life, but that he has surmounted them.” – Patrick Henry

38. “The life of a good man is at the same time the most eloquent lesson of virtue and the most severe reproof of vice.” – Samuel Smiles

39. “I have never been especially impressed by the heroics of people convinced they are about to change the world. I am more awed by those who struggle to make one small difference.” – Ellen Goodman

40. “In the face of inhumanity, a good man reacts, but a great one acts.” — James Rollins

41. “A strong man doesn’t have to be dominant toward a woman. He doesn’t match his strength against a woman weak with love for him. He matches it against the world.” – Marilyn Monroe

42. “The real power of a man is in the size of the smile of the woman sitting next to him.” — Unknown

43. “Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic: you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.” – Jerry Seinfeld

45. “Here is the manliness of manhood, that a man has a good reason for what he does, and has a will in doing it.” – Alexander MacLaren

46. “Nice guys may appear to finish last, but usually they are running a different race.” — Ken Blanchard

47. “The work an unknown good man has done is like a vein of water flowing hidden underground, secretly making the ground green.” – Thomas Carlyle

48. “Strong men don’t have attitude, they have standards.” – Unknown

49. “It takes a strong man to accept somebody else’s children and step up the the plate another man left on the table.” – Ray Johnson

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Quotes About Finding a Good Man

50. “Good men are not those who now and then do a good act, but men who join one good act to another.” – Henry Ward Beecher

51. “Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” – John Wooden

52. “You aren’t nervous about the performance, you’re nervous about the results.” – James Pierce

53. “The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way.” – Dale Carnegie

54. “To have become a deeper man is the privilege of those who have suffered.” – Oscar Wilde

55. “The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” – Confucius

56. “A good man will find that there is goodness in the world; an honest man will find that there is honesty in the world; and a man of principle will find principle and integrity in the hearts of others.” – Albert Pike

57. “A good man will want you to shine. He wants you to be your amazing self. A good man loves to show off his happy, intelligent, amazing, powerful woman.” – Anastasia Netri

58. “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.” – Thomas Carlyle

59. “A good man shares his knowledge selflessly with everyone.” ― Eraldo Banovac

60. “Let the quality man you’ve been created to be out; the world is world incomplete without him.” ― Eric M. Watterson

61. “A good man can be stupid and still be good. But a bad man must have brains.” – Maxim Gorky

62. “It really is true that an orator is simply a good man who speaks well.” – George McGovern

63. “You may depend upon it that he is a good man whose intimate friends are all good, and whose enemies are decidedly bad.” – Johann Kaspar Lavater

64. “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be a value.” — Albert Einstein

65. “There is nothing noble being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” – Winston Churchill

66. “Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.” – R.J. Palacio

67. “If you can trust a man’s word; you can trust the man.” ― Eric M. Watterson

68. “I believe the first test of a truly great man is in his humility.” – John Ruskin

70. “We are all ready to be savage in some cause. The difference between a good man and a bad one is the choice of the cause.” – William James

71. “Good men who exercise power are really the most fascinating of all people.” – John Keegan

72. “A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.” — George Bernard Shaw

73. “He who stops being better stops being good.” – Oliver Cromwell

74. “Though in the order of nature angels rank above men, yet, by scale of justice, good men are of greater value than bad angels.” – Saint Augustine

75. “No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.” – Amelia Earhart

76. “A man ought to carry himself in the world as an orange tree would if it could walk up and down in the garden – swinging perfume from every little censer it holds up to the air.” – Henry Ward Beecher

77. “The times are never so bad but that a good man can make a shift to live in them.” – Thomas More

A Good Man Deserves Quotes

78. “A man deserves credit when he accomplishes something of importance. Something that provides for the betterment of his life and his family’s life and, whenever possible, mankind.” – Therese Anne Fowler

79. “A man deserves a second chance, but keep an eye on him.” – John Wayne

80. “A man’s goal should be to give his woman things she needs without her having to ask. Things like loyalty, attention, love, affection, respect, and quality time. A good man deserves the same.” – Unknown

81. “Husbands too, deserve to be spoiled. Told they are handsome. Told their efforts are appreciated and should also be made to feel secure. If he is doing his best to treat you like a queen, do your best to treat him as a King. His need to feel loved and appreciated is REAL.” – Unknown

82. “A young man who doesn’t have the foresight to seek out the girl he wants to be with and actively pursue her, doesn’t deserve her.” ― Colleen Houck

83. “If a good man can’t sleep after hurting people, then he should learn much more to be a leader.” ― Toba Beta

84. “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

85. “Believe you deserve it and the universe will serve it.” –  Unknown

86. “No evil can happen to a good man, either in life or after death.” – Plato

87. “Decide what you want. Believe you can have it. Believe you deserve it and believe it’s possible for you.” – Jack Canfield

89. “You’ll be amazed at what you attract after you start believing in what you deserve.” – Unknown

90. “Never sell yourself short. There is always someone willing, able and ready to love you the way you deserve to be love.” – Toni Payne 

91. “To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream, not only plan but also believe” – Anatole France

92. “People often tell me I could be a great man. I’d rather be a good man.” – John F. Kennedy Jr

93. “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.” – Kurt Cobain

92. “Be strong enough to let go and patient enough to wait for what you deserve.” – Unknown

93. “A great man does not seek applause or place; he seeks for truth; he seeks the road to happiness, and what he ascertains, he gives to others.” – Robert Green Ingersoll

94. “Men lose all the material things they leave behind them in this world, but they carry with them the reward of their charity and the alms they give. For these, they will receive from the Lord the reward and recompense they deserve.” – St. Francis of Assisi

95. “Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy. You deserve delight.” – Mark Victor Hansen

96. “You are more incredible than you know, and you are more deserving than you think.” – e.t.i.

97. “You deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else.” – Unknown

98. “Try not to become a man of success, but rather become a man of value.” – Albert Einstein

99. “You deserve peace, love, happiness, and all that your heart desires. Don’t let anyone control your life and take away those things.” – Sony A. Parker

If you read through all of these good men quotes, you may have a hard time choosing just one that describes the excellent guys in your life.

That’s ok – you can share more than one. In fact, share the entire list with great guys you know. Who says you can’t shower him with positive thoughts?

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We humans have a long history of jumping into things before we’re ready — often finding out, later on, that waiting would have been better. 

Maybe you’re in a relationship with a man you love, but you can’t help asking, sometimes, “When do men emotionally mature?”

Because, as wonderful as he is, he’s not there yet.

It’s not his fault.

But you’re just not in the same place.

And it’s frustrating for you both.

So, what do you do?

What Is Emotional Maturity? 

Before we answer the question, “When do guys mature?” let’s clarify the confusion surrounding this topic and get clear on what emotional maturity is? 

While we’ll get more specific in the list at the end of this post, the following traits provide a general idea: 

• Ability to keep long-term commitments
• Honesty with themselves and others
• Equanimity in the face of both flattery and criticism
• Capacity for acting on character rather than emotions
• Preference for benefits greater than self-gratification

Why Are Some Men Not Emotionally Mature? 

Unfortunately, knowing the answer to “When do men mature?” is no guarantee the man in your life will mature with age. 

Many men do, but, alas, some men — or, more accurately, some people — choose to remain immature. The reasons vary. 

#1 — They don’t know any better. No mature role model has ever shown them what maturity looks like or how immaturity holds them back. And you don’t count. 

#2 — They feel looked down upon by you. And they refuse to imitate anyone who treats them like a child (even if they act like one). So, they double down on immaturity. 

#3 — They’re used to blaming other people for their problems. Other people have disappointed them, too. They’re not the only ones falling short of someone’s expectations. 

#4 — They’re used to blaming circumstances for their failures. In their eyes, when they fail at something, it’s because of things they can’t control, including other people’s perceptions of them. 

#5 — They don’t see a problem with their behavior. They seem to do all right just the way they are, so they think, “Why change?” They’re having more fun than their more mature peers (including their partner) seem capable of. 

The Most Common Behaviors of Men Who Aren’t Emotionally Mature 

Thanks to a study conducted by Nickelodeon UK, we have the following list of the top 30 signs of emotional immaturity, based on the observations of women: 

1. Finding farts and belching hilarious

2. Eating junk food at 2 am

3. Playing video games 

4. Driving too fast or racing other cars

5. Snickering a little at rude words or profanities

6. Driving with the music turned up too loud

7. Delighting in pranks / practical jokes

8. Trying to beat children at sports and games 

9. Clamming up during an argument (keeps emotions close)

10. Being inept at cooking (not universal)

11. Retelling the same tired jokes and stories when hanging out with friends

12. Being averse to talking about themselves (definitely not universal)

13. Rejecting books/reading because “It’s boring” or “I can’t sit still long enough.” 

14. Crazy dance moves (which are at least fun to watch)

15. Having their mom (or resident female) do their laundry

16. Having their mom (or resident female) make them breakfast/meals

17. Wearing trainers/workout clothes to a nightclub

18. Owning a skateboard or a BMX

19. Avoiding vegetables 

20. Job-hopping 

21. Getting overly excited about stag parties

22. Trying to do impressive stunts on their bike (wheelies, jumps, etc.)

23. Driving a moded car or one with a loud exhaust

24. Making sure you know other girls are checking them out (and aren’t you lucky?)

25. Wearing pajamas — especially cartoon jammies (beats a man hammock or Speedos)

26. Using 900 numbers or questionable “chat” lines

27. Showing off their workout routines, protein shakes, muscle gains, etc.

28. Not tidying up after themselves 

29. Wearing saggy jeans

30. Using a cartoon bedspread (Seriously?!)

Honestly, we can think of plenty of worse things you could notice in a guy. And, whatever your gender, emotional maturity is no guarantee of character or greatness of mind. 

That said, it’s time to finally answer the question: at what age does a man fully emotionally mature?

At What Age Does A Man Emotionally Mature? 

According to the new British study we mentioned earlier (the one commissioned by Nickelodeon UK), the average man doesn’t reach full emotional maturity until age 43. 

By contrast, the average woman matures at 32 — a full 11 years earlier — not because they put more effort into maturing but simply because… biology.  

The maturity gap isn’t always apparent, though. We humans are a mixed bag. 

So, what helps when you see the signs of emotional immaturity in your partner? 

Self-awareness is a good start. Turns out that men are almost twice as likely as women to describe themselves as immature. And only one in four describe themselves as mature. 

Also, to be fair, sometimes a little immaturity makes life more interesting. 

It becomes a problem when the female partner feels the need to mother her male partner (which isn’t fun for either one of them) because she sees him as less mature than herself — and doubts he’ll ever grow up. 

Now that we’ve covered the textbook signs of emotional immaturity, what does maturity look like?

17 Signs of Maturity in a Man 

Now that we’ve covered telltale signs of immaturity, let’s take a moment to appreciate at least these signs of maturity in a man. 

1. He thinks before acting. 

He’s learned how to use that gap between stimulus and response. And while we’re all more reactive when we’re tired (making better choices takes energy), he’s more likely to consciously choose a response with a better long-term effect. 

Maturity gives him an appreciation for the bigger picture, so he’s more likely to take that into account. 

2. He’s flexible and open-minded. 

He’s open to perspectives and beliefs other than his own, and he’d rather reach a compromise you can both live than stubbornly cling to what he’s always done, whatever it costs anyone else. This is critical to living in peace with other humans. 

He’s learned to bend, either the hard way or by observing and learning from others. 

3. He’s patient and understanding. 

He wants to understand why when things don’t go according to his expectations.

He’d rather look beyond what he’d initially assumed was correct to understand better where you’re coming from.

He may not change his mind, but he won’t assume that any belief contrary to his is wrong. 

4. He’s resilient. 

He bounces back when life knocks him down. He doesn’t waste time blaming others or complaining about what happened to him, though he may have every right to. He’ll acknowledge where he went wrong, learn from it, and keep going. 

Because he knows it’s up to him to create the life he wants. 

5. He’s both realistic and optimistic. 

Given a choice between seeing what’s good in his life versus seeing what’s wrong with it, he’d rather focus on what’s good — without losing sight of where he could make improvements that would change his life for the better. 

His optimism doesn’t blind him to pain and suffering. He’s just less fixated on the negatives he can’t control and more focused on what he can do to help.

6. He’s grateful. 

The mature man is grateful for the good in his life. He notices and appreciates the good in other people and is quicker to express gratitude than to complain about his life and the people in it.

Rather than constantly comparing his finances and lifestyle to his peers, he’s thankful for what he has and especially for the people who make his life richer. 

7. He understands and practices self-acceptance. 

While he knows he’s not perfect, the mature man doesn’t spend his time wringing his hands over his faults, mistakes, and failures. He celebrates his wins and looks for ways to make improvements. 

He accepts himself the way he is and encourages others to do the same. He also focuses on building habits that make winning easier. 

8. He learns from his mistakes. 

The mature man recognizes his mistakes for what they are and, rather than beat himself up for each one, he takes a closer look at where he went wrong to avoid repeating the mistake and do better. He learns, makes amends where he can, and moves forward. 

He doesn’t define himself by his mistakes and failures. He knows he’s a work in progress. 

9. He spends more time listening than talking. 

This guy doesn’t overwhelm others with long-winded, stream-of-consciousness monologues about himself. If invited, he’ll share stories, but he’s conscious of other people’s attention and too respectful of their time to spend it rambling about himself. 

Rather than launch into the same old stories about his past, he’d rather ask questions and listen to other people’s stories. Because he might learn something. 

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10. He’s compassionate. 

The mature man is compassionate toward others. Faced with suffering, he feels a strong impulse to do what he can to alleviate it because he’s suffered himself. And it’s made him kinder and slower to judge (or make uncharitable assumptions). 

He cares more about how people are doing than what people might think of him. 

11. He’s forgiving. 

Mature men are quicker to forgive because they know the cost of holding grudges, and they refuse to allow resentment to hold them back. They choose to forgive and to let go. 

Part of it is due to the mature man’s understanding of how he hurt others in the past. He values the forgiveness he’s received and understands its power — for both sides. 

12. He’s supportive — not controlling. 

The mature man will support you in your efforts to build the life you want, as long as it doesn’t conflict with his most deeply held beliefs. He won’t try to steer you in a direction that makes him feel more in control of your life or how your choices affect him.

He sees self-discipline as something worth cultivating. Controlling others has no appeal.

13. He’s respectful. 

Mature people treat others with respect as people of value with their own paths to take. 

A mature man doesn’t demand respect regardless of how he treats other people — including children and teens. 

He understands that to be respected — and to ‌respect himself — he must first treat others with the same respect he wants to be treated. 

14. He’s generous. 

Stinginess is a mark of immaturity in a person, whatever their age. A man who has the resources to help someone but would rather spend that money on items that don’t add real value to his life is not mature. He’s chasing the illusion of value. 

Mature men see value in helping others when they can, without expecting to be repaid. 

15. He can laugh at himself. 

The mature man is capable of laughing at himself. He doesn’t take himself or his failures so seriously that he guards his ego against the slightest hint of ridicule. He knows he makes mistakes, and some of them make for great comedy material. 

As long as he can learn from those mistakes, he can turn it all into good. And laughing at himself is part of how he practices self-acceptance. 

16. He expresses his feelings.

He doesn’t worry about anyone else’s idea of what it means to be a man. He’s human, and humans have feelings, so he’s not afraid to articulate what he’s feeling honestly. 

He doesn’t waste headspace on the opinions of anyone immature enough to think he’s lowering himself by being vulnerable. 

He knows what real strength is. And he exemplifies it more and more. 

17. He knows he still has plenty to learn — and he’s always learning. 

The more he learns, the more aware he is of how much he has yet to learn. 

He’s far more likely to listen with rapt attention to someone else talk about their experiences or what they’ve learned than to “mansplain” something of which he has limited knowledge to make himself feel better. 

He never stops learning. 

Now that you know why your guy is less mature and what emotional maturity looks like, we hope this sheds some light on your relationship and how to move forward. 

Whether you work together on cultivating the traits of maturity or take separate paths, we’re glad you took the time to learn more about this. 

May you and the people you care about find joy in each other. 

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The post What Age Does A Man Emotionally Mature? (17 Signs He’s Grown Up) appeared first on Heal your health yourself.

When a relationship is brand new, you sometimes ignore red flags because you are so excited to fall in love.

Mutual respect is a vital part of a healthy relationship.

Every couple will have their fair share of disagreements, but don’t excuse disrespectful behavior.

Maybe you’ve started to notice some recurring disrespectful behavior from your boyfriend after being together for a while.

The signs of disrespect in a relationship can be challenging to spot at first, but they were always there.

What Does It Mean When a Man Disrespects You?

You’re not the only woman out there asking yourself, “Why is my boyfriend so rude to me?” or “What have I done to deserve this treatment?” You might feel like it’s your fault if your partner frequently disrespects you, but it isn’t.

It can be very upsetting and confusing to be on the receiving end of disrespectful behavior. With that said, these reasons may help you better understand where it stems from:

• He thinks of you as lesser-than and views himself as superior.
• He believes he is always right in arguments and thinks he is smarter than you.
• He was raised in an environment with limited interaction with women and never learned to show proper respect.
• He doesn’t truly value your relationship or your feelings.
• He has pent-up frustrations and resentment towards you that he hasn’t resolved.

11 Signs Of Disrespect From a Man

A disrespectful relationship is more likely to become abusive and damaging to your mental health. Being in a partnership where there isn’t a level of mutual respect will slowly wear you down and make you feel unsupported and worthless.

When a man shows you his true colors, believe him. The following are common signs of disrespect you should never put up with from a man.

1. He frequently resorts to yelling.

A man who is quick to raise his voice at you demonstrates that he is incapable of resolving disagreements without disrespecting you in the process.

If you find that he frequently resorts to yelling during arguments, that is a behavior you should not tolerate. A partner who respects you should communicate their concerns in a calm manner. 

If they can’t, that shows a complete lack of respect and potential anger issues bubbling at the surface.

2. He doesn’t pay attention when you talk to him.

A more subtle sign of a disrespectful boyfriend is that you often find yourself nagging just to get him to pay attention when you talk. 

Instead of giving you his undivided attention, you might look up to find him scrolling on his phone or staring at you with a blank expression on his face. 

Maybe you just arrived home after a long day at work and want to vent your frustrations to him, but he seems like he’s in another world.

3. He makes fun of your aspirations.

If you feel embarrassed to share your goals with your boyfriend, ask yourself why. Your partner is supposed to be your biggest supporter. Even if they don’t fully understand or relate to your aspirations, they should be your biggest cheerleader. 

Disrespectful men might make fun of your dreams in an attempt to tear down your confidence. They’ll make you feel judged instead of loved and supported.

4. He makes you feel inferior to him

If your boyfriend often makes snarky or unhelpful suggestions whenever you need help with something, that is blatant disrespect. 

A partner is someone you should lean on and ask for help, but maybe yours makes you feel dumb every time you ask. 

He feels superior to you, so he wants to put you in your place by making sure you never feel like a true equal.

5. He shows a lack of commitment.

A disrespectful boyfriend with behaviors that indicate his lack of commitment is disrespectful. Whenever you argue, he seems uninterested in coming up with a solution. He may flirt with other women in your presence and act like it’s totally normal. 

If you express concerns about the relationship, he brushes you off. If he never posts about your relationship on his social media, that could be another sign that he isn’t committed and doesn’t respect your relationship.

6. He talks down to you in front of others.

Do you feel a sense of dread before going out together because you’re worried he’s going to embarrass you in front of others? If so, your partner is probably a disrespectful boyfriend. 

He might talk to you condescendingly in front of his friends or say things purposely to make you feel ashamed or inferior. A good partner will show you respect both in private and in public.

7. He is never the first to apologize

If you find that you’re always the first one to say “I’m sorry” after a fight, your boyfriend is disrespecting you. Maybe he never apologizes at all, even when he’s in the wrong, and you are right. 

This behavior is a sure sign of disrespect that you should not ignore. By refusing to apologize, he is showing you that he believes he is never wrong and that you will have to take the blame for any problems that arise.

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8. He makes excuses for his actions

Disrespectful men will find all kinds of ways to excuse their actions. By avoiding accountability for his behavior, he can avoid the consequences. 

This is disrespectful to you because it shows that he has no intention of sticking to his word and will just come up with an excuse. It also shows that he doesn’t care if his actions hurt you because he will find some reason to explain it away so that it isn’t his fault.

9. He gets angry when you want to have alone time

If your boyfriend objects to you spending time without him, that could mean that he doesn’t trust you. This common tactic that men use is a way to keep tabs on what you’re up to.

 In a healthy relationship, you should feel free to spend time apart without it causing an argument. If your man gets angry just at the thought of you having some alone time, don’t ignore that sign of disrespect.

10. He only wants to talk about himself

A man who disrespects a woman will only want to talk about himself. He values himself and his own achievements above yours. 

Every conversation you have will center around his ideas, and if you try to change the subject of the discussion, he’ll find a way to steer it right back to himself. 

This self-centered attitude can get tiring and is behavior that you need to nip in the bud quickly.

11. He doesn’t keep his promises

Another common disrespectful trait in men is when they do not keep their word to you. They frequently make promises to you but make no effort to follow through. 

Maybe your boyfriend promises that he will come to visit but changes his mind and cancels at the last minute. You’re constantly disappointed because you know that you cannot depend on him. It erodes the trust in the relationship over time.

What to Say to a Disrespectful Man

When it comes to a disrespectful partner, you need to have a conversation about it. Stand up for yourself and make sure he understands that you will not tolerate his behavior. 

Even though it can be tempting to give him a taste of his own medicine, take a deep breath and try to handle the situation calmly.

Maybe you’re thinking, “My boyfriend talks to me rudely, and I don’t know what to say to him!” The following are things you can say to a disrespectful man to help diffuse the situation:

• Bring up the topic by explaining why it is essential to resolve the issues.
• Describe a specific example of what your boyfriend did that made you feel disrespected.
• Explain why this behavior was hurtful and how it made you feel – did it make you feel unloved, unsupported, or worthless?
• Let him know what you need him to change and how he can make the situation right.
• Explain that he is important to you and should bring up concerns he has too.

Some men will never change their ways, so maybe you should cut him off if he disrespects you. You know your relationship best, and only you can make that decision.

Having a disrespectful partner doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed. If your boyfriend is open to listening to what you have to say and wants to correct his behavior, then your partnership stands a chance.

It is a good sign if he appears to be remorseful and understands what he did wrong.

It will not be an easy road, but mutual respect can be re-built by setting firm boundaries, holding him accountable, and giving your relationship time to heal.

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