Mothers carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, not to mention the heaping loads of guilt they feel for not being perfect. 

Adults who blame their parents have so many psychological aspects to focus on, from Attachment Theory to the unmet needs of an inner child.

Even basic acts of love, like fixing a daughter’s smudged lipstick, can elicit harsh responses. 

What is it going to take to stop blaming mom? 

Can we create a world where no mother ever wonders again, “Why does my daughter blame me for everything?”

Why Do Daughters Blame Their Mothers for Everything?

Adults who blame their parents are common, but it seems no parent takes more of the brunt than the mother of a daughter. 

Yes, there are really bad moms out there who probably deserve to take some, if not all, of the blame. 

However, that’s the exception, not the rule. Not only do daughters’ blame shift like crazy, they now have psychology and genetics to back them up. 

Attachment Theory

Psychoanalyst John Bowlby developed the Attachment Theory to explain the connection between adult behavior and the first few years of that person’s life. 

In the first two and half years of life, a child depends on a mother for affection, nourishment, and basic needs. How the daughter and mother “attach” will likely define how that child turns out as an adult. 

Inner Child Issues

“Healing the inner child” are buzzwords in today’s culture. Even though our behavior is directly related to the attention or neglect we received as children, we still work to heal that inner child allegedly inside all of us. 

While adults can adapt or overcome early childhood issues, the inner child is still sitting somewhere suffering deep in our souls. 

Easy Targets

Mothers, with their unconditional love, just make easy targets for daughters. Whether it’s the temper tantrum of a two-year-old who wants another snack or the hormones of an independence-seeking teenager, it’s easy to blame mom. 

Mothers are used to unrealistic expectations from society, social circles, and inside their own homes. Nothing makes a mother more upset than seeing their child hurting, and they’ll take all the punches to help the daughter through whatever challenge. 

Hereditary Patterns

Mothers might inadvertently be teaching their daughters that it’s never okay to stop blaming mom. How many people do you know who had really strict parents but then those parents became grandparents who spoiled their grandkids? 

Adults who blame their parents can carry on into old age. If a daughter sees her mom blaming grandma for everything, she might act accordingly. 

Daughters Who Blame Their Mothers for Everything: 13 Reasons It’s Bad for Both of You

Mom blaming isn’t a new thing for Generation Z or the Millenials. Even the Washington Post tackled this topic back in 1987. While there isn’t a perfect way to stop blaming mom, there are perspectives every daughter needs to consider before making a maternal mess. 

1. It Feeds the Beast of Blame

What starts out as outrageous accusations of blame eventually becomes so common neither mother nor daughter thinks twice about it. 

The daughter shifts blame, and the mother absorbs it to keep the peace. This sets the stage for another blame showdown throughout both of their lives. 

Valuable opportunities for mother-daughter connections are lost in a chess match of “Who’s to Blame?” 

2. It Supports Everything Women Have Fought Against

Moms already get a raw end of the deal. Either they work too much and don’t give their kids enough attention, or they “sit at home all day” doing “nothing” but raising their children.

Even the number of snacks or screen time a child gets is blamed on the mother by her condescending counterparts.

Ours is a society that demands a work-life balance but still expects mothers to be perfect. Women of all ages should support each other and fight for precious civil, professional, and medical rights. They should not wage wars with blame ammunition. 

3. It Builds Resentment

Adults who blame their parents will generally get away with it, even if a verbal fight precedes it. Deep down, in places the mother doesn’t like to talk about, she becomes more resentful. 

This can lead to the mother carrying resentment and risk hurting her relationship with the daughter and all her other children.

The daughter can become resentful when “blaming mom” is second nature, and she can’t let go of what the parent did that impacted the daughter’s life. 

4. It Causes Words We Can’t Take Back

Words like “I didn’t ask to be born!”, “I wish you had never been born!”, “I can’t believe I endured so much pain to have an ungrateful child like you!” and “You are the worst mom ever!” can be so hurtful for years to come. 

When mothers and daughters are caught in the blame game, hurtful words come out. While we can forgive the people we love, we can never forget verbal scars that cut deep. 

5. It Creates a Toxic Attachment

We see it in nature and our daily lives. No bond is stronger than that of a mother and daughter. Even the most inexperienced nature lover knows never to get between a momma bear and her cubs. 

When a relationship is strong and healthy, a lifetime of memories is created. When the blame stays the same, two women are now co-dependent on each other.

The mother is always trying to avoid getting blamed by helping the child, and the child doesn’t know about life without being able to blame the mom. The daughter might not chase dreams because they are living a blame nightmare. 

6. It Creates Avoidance of Real Issues

Let’s say a daughter has ongoing issues with finding a trusted and respectful partner. If the daughter blames the mother for not setting an example of a healthy relationship, the daughter isn’t addressing her own issues directly. 

The same can be said of eating disorders: “Why did you always make me clean my plate? Now I’m so afraid of being fat I can’t eat anything!”

7. It Creates a Transactional Relationship

When a daughter feels wronged, she’s not going to stop blaming mom if it has worked in the past. The cycle can be something like this: 

• I blame mom.
• Mom feels bad.
• Mom buys me something or does a task I don’t want to do to make me stop being mad at her. 

This transaction is nowhere near the grace expected in a loving mother-daughter relationship. Blaming someone for something generally requires a resolution of the issue. 

A daughter being nice to her mother shouldn’t come with terms and conditions like a website. 

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8. It Can Breed Narcissism from an Early Age

“Daddy, I want an Oompa Looma NOOOOOW!…. You never give me anything I want.” Those words from Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory show the worst side of giving a child too much of what they want with no consequences or accountability.

Narcissism can develop just as much from excessive praise and adoration as it can from gross neglect. 

Children who blame their parents can become adults who blame their parents. Without learning accountability, the child is never accepted or treated as they are. They are treated how they want to be seen as perfect and blameless.

Parents can inadvertently feed the narcissistic beast that was once their adorable child. This can create children who turn into adults with a personality disorder among the hardest to treat. 

9. It Can Create a Lack of Boundaries

A daughter’s relationship with her parents forms the very foundation of boundaries in the child’s life. We learn early not to touch a hot stove. Either fear of the hot stove or the act of touching it reinforces that boundary. 

When a daughter doesn’t stop blaming mom for the stove being hot, that daughter isn’t learning boundaries and will struggle with this in every single relationship for the rest of her life. 

A well-blamed mom will continue to adapt to the lack of boundaries to keep their precious child “happy,” not realizing they are setting the child up for a life of relationship challenges. 

10. It Can Very Well Be True

Topping the charts of “Very Unhealthy Mother-Daughter Relationships” is when a mom truly is to blame but might be dealing with her own personality disorder or genetic traits that make it impossible to see her faults. 

It creates a childhood and lifetime of conflict as a daughter can’t stop blaming mom because mom really is to blame for certain things. 

While any relationship between a mother and daughter will have conflict, every gathering shouldn’t be akin to a verbal UFC match. Own your errors as a parent. Set a good example of accountability. 

11. It Can Cause Mental Illness

Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and it can go on longer because there aren’t injuries in plain sight.  

A mother might ask a friend, “Why does my daughter blame me for everything?” but inside, she could be dealing with crippling anxiety, depression, and self-loathing. 

Many expect mothers to be perfect, always have the right answer, and never make a misstep. On top of that, few mothers think, “I am doing a great job at this mothering thing. I should have two more kids!” 

Add in sleepless nights, emotionally draining fights, and balancing out other relationships, and it’s no wonder that one in 10 moms is depressed. When a mom is prone to depression, that trait can be passed on to daughters, creating a family tree of mental issues. 

12. It Can Impact Every Other Relationship 

The mother-daughter bond is one of nature’s strongest and most resilient. When the two parties involved don’t have a healthy relationship, there can be a sense of “If I can’t get along with her, I can’t get along with anyone.” 

A daughter who doesn’t stop blaming her mom will assign blame in other relationships, causing tension in her personal and professional life.

A mother who always gets blamed by her daughter could begin to accept all responsibility in her circle. 

13. It’s Most Likely You Will Live to Regret It

The odds are a daughter will outlive a child, but research from the Institute of Medicine shows that 18% of parents lose a child by age 70. 

As Buddha said, “The trouble is, you think you have time.” When maternal blame becomes common, it might be the last conversation a mother and daughter have.

That leaves the surviving woman with guilt on top of grief and a lifetime of regrets. Guilt is rarely rational or logical. Even in the “bargaining” phase of grief, the survivor tries to unweave years of blame for just one more chance to do it right. 

What Do You Do When Your Child Blames You For Everything?

Even in the earliest Bible chapter, Adam blames his heavenly father for “giving him a woman,” who then shared and ate the forbidden fruit. It’s essential to start by knowing you are not alone.

You are not a failure because your child has these blame game issues. You do, however, have to own your role in it. 

There are simple ways to avoid “fault lines” in your home. 

• Don’t Fight Back: When a child is in the heat of the moment and shooting blame darts at you, keep quiet.  At most, say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”  Circle back to the topic when the child has calmed down. 
• Don’t Allow Blame at Home: That goes for everyone in the household. If something goes wrong, don’t assign blame. Figure out the path to fix it. 
• Own Your Mistakes: If you are to blame, set a good example by accepting responsibility for it. Don’t get into a tit-for-tat of “Remember the time you did XX, and I forgave you?”
• Use the Socratic Method: Mothers often want to solve all their children’s problems. It can set the stage for blame. For example, “You told me it sounded like fun to go to Europe instead of getting an internship before graduation. Now I can’t get a job because of it!”  When you use the Socratic Method to solve a problem, you aren’t giving advice but guiding your children through critical thinking. 
  • “What are the benefits of going to Europe? What are the potential risks? How will this benefit your future career?”
  • End the conversation with something like, “You have a lot to think about. I trust you’ll make the best decision for you, and I support whatever decision you make.” 

What if you are already caught in the Blame Game hamster wheel and can’t get out? Remember this mantra, “It’s never the wrong time to do the right thing.” 

Enlist a family counselor if you think that’s the best path, or have an honest conversation about boundaries and accountability with your daughter. 

Final Thoughts

There is going to be tension in a parental relationship.

Whether it’s a child who isn’t emotionally developed enough to understand accountability, a teenager dealing with hormones (or a mother going through the hormone-drive cycle of menopause), or an adult child who struggles with past sins, you can’t avoid conflict. 

You can set a healthy stage to address and resolve the conflict. Mothering doesn’t stop when the child is 18. It’s a lifelong commitment, and you always have time to turn the relationship around. 

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Growing up, you can probably remember some things you said to your mom that you wish you could erase from both your memories. 

You were angry, and the words came out before you could stop them.

One look at your mother’s face, and the regret washed over you. 

We’re betting you’ll find something familiar in this collection of hurting mom quotes.

What you take from them will depend on your own experiences. 

And if you’re a mother, now, you’ll see them from both sides.   

36 Never Hurt Your Mother Quotes 

Whether you see the following as quotes about a son hurting his mother or as a collection of when a daughter hurts her mother quotes, you’ll find something relatable in many of them.

Read through the list carefully, and make a note of the ones that stand out. 

1. “Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.” -William Makepeace Thackeray

2. “Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds. Plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers, and sisters, aunts and cousins, but only one mother in the whole world.” -Kate Douglas Wiggin

3. “Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love.” -Mildred B. Vermont

5. “I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.” – Abraham Lincoln

6. “Love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark. To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever.” – J.K. Rowling

7. “You were my home, Mother. I had no home but you.” – Janet Fitch

9. “A mother’s love does not set with the sun. It blankets you all through the night.” — Amy Hoover

10. “Don’t use the sharpness of your tongue on the mother who taught you to speak.” — Ali Ibn Abi Talib

11. “We are born of love; Love is our Mother.”– Rumi

12. “Only mothers can think of the future because they give birth to it in their children.” — Maxim Gorky

13. “Never hurt your mother. Nothing is more painful than seeing tears in her eyes.” — Pushvam

14. “A mother is the truest friend we have when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us, when adversity takes the place of prosperity.” — Washington Irving

15. “Sooner or later we all quote our mothers.” — Bern Williams

16. “Life began with waking up and loving my mother’s face.” — George Eliot

17. “A mother understands what a child does not say.” — Jewish Proverb

18. “A mother is a shooting star who passes through your life only once. Love her because when her light goes out you will never see her again.” — Unknown

20. “Mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled.” — Emily Dickinson

21. “We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” — Cynthia Ozick

22. “Don’t get involved with anyone who doesn’t respect his mother.” — Mia Farrow

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23. “Hurting someone who really loves you is as easy as throwing a stone in a lake; but you never really know how deep the stone goes once it hits the water. Take care to remember that each stone thrown could be a ripple of hurt or a tidal wave of devastation.” — Stacey Miller

24. “Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.” — Mother Teresa

25. “Sometimes we don’t appreciate the heavy sacrifices our parents are making for us until we become parents.” — Terry Mark

26. “How sinful are those youth who speak gently with their friends while they shout out at their mothers.” — Unknown

28. “Never hurt your mother because she is the only one who is with you in your difficulties.” — Ankith MS

29. “Nourish your aged parents; revere them.” — Sri Sathya Sai Baba

30. “If you disrespect your parents, remember! You deserve nothing.” — Keval Karia

31. “A father’s goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother’s goodness deeper than the sea.” — Japanese Proverb

32. “No matter how far we come, our parents are always in us.” –Brad Meltzer

33. “The loss of your mother, no matter how old you are, changes your life forever. Your mother is your first and forever friend. You never really get over the loss, but you learn to live with it. She is never far away from your thoughts, and she is always in your heart.” — from Relationship Rules

34. “A parent’s love is whole no matter how many times divided.” — Robert Brault

36. “When you look into your mother’s eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find.” — Mitch Album

Now that you’ve looked through all 35 quotes about hurting mothers, which ones struck you as most familiar? Which could you have written yourself? 

Your relationship with your mother wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t have to be. If she was there, and she loved you, that’s more than a lot of people have. It’s precious beyond words. 

So, what will you do today to show your mother some extra love? And what will you do for yourself? 

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It isn’t hyperbole to say, “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my mom.”

Yes, she gave birth to you (or claimed you as her own if you’re adopted), but she also helped shape you into the person you are today. 

Without her loving, caring, and supportive presence, you wouldn’t be here with the same values, character traits, and sense of belonging that you possess right now. 

And there’s no better time than today to let your mom know that you haven’t missed a thing — all of the love she’s given you, the time she’s invested in you, and the sacrifices she’s made for you. 

Whether you want to thank her with appreciation Mother’s Day quotes, or you just had a swelling surge of gratitude on a random day, we have just the list you need.

These quotes on motherly love and devotion will put into words the deep feelings you have for your Mamacita!

31 Mother Appreciation Quotes to Show You Care

If you appreciate your mother but don’t know precisely how to put your feelings into words, these quotes from famous people and thought leaders will inspire you to craft your personal message to mom.

Use them as-is, or rewrite them to suit your style and sentiments. There’s no right or wrong here — your mom’s heart will melt just knowing how you feel about her.

1. “Everything I’ve learned that’s worth knowing, I learned from my mother.” – Kelly Roper

3. “I look back on my childhood and thank the stars above. For everything you gave me, but mostly for your love.” — Wayne F. Winters

4. “There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.” – Jill Churchill

5. “If I had a single flower for every time I think of you, I could walk forever in my garden.” – Claudia Ghandi

6. “If I know what love is, it’s because of you.” – Hermann Hesse

8. “My Mother: She is beautiful, softened at the edges and tempered with a spine of steel. I want to grow old and be like her. ” —Jodi Picoult

9. “It may be possible to gild pure gold, but who can make his mother more beautiful?” —Mahatma Gandhi

10. “Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; A mother’s secret hope outlives them all.” —Oliver Wendell Holmes

11. “My mother was my role model before I even knew what that word was.” —Lisa Leslie

13. “There is nothing as sincere as a mother’s kiss.” —Saleem Sharma

14. “A mother’s love is more beautiful than any fresh flower.” —Debasish Mridha

16. “A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.” —Cardinal Mermillod

17. “If love is as sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love.” —Stevie Wonder

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18. “There is no velvet so soft as a mother’s lap, no rose as lovely as her smile, no path so flowery as that imprinted with her footsteps.” —Archibald Thompson

19. “Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.” —Lisa Alther

21. “A mother’s love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.” —Marion C. Garretty

22. “To a child’s ear, ‘mother’ is magic in any language.” —Arlene Benedict

23. “Mother—that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries.” —T. Dewitt Talmage

24. “My mother is my root, my foundation. She planted the seed that I base my life on, and that is the belief that the ability to achieve starts in your mind.” —Michael Jordan

25. “A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.” —Dorothy Canfield Fisher

26. “The sweetest sounds to mortals given are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.” – William Goldsmith Brown

27. “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” — Tenneva Jordan

28. “A mother’s arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them.” — Victor Hugo

29. “Life began with waking up and loving my mother’s face.” — George Eliot

30. “A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled.” – Emily Dickinson

31. “The woman who is my best friend, my teacher, my everything: Mom.” — Sandra Vischer

How will you use these appreciation quotes for mom?

You’ve found the quote or quotes for mom that reflect how you feel about your mother. So now what? There are so many ways to use them beyond simply putting them in a Mother’s Day card. 

Consider some of these ideas:

• Print your favorite on a mug to give mom as a gift.
• Put several on sticky notes and post them around your mom’s house.
• Email or text her a quote a day for 31 days.
• Have a calligrapher create a beautiful design with the quote and frame it for mom.

Now that you’re inspired, go forth and show some love to your beautiful mama!

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