“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”
Benjamin Franklin

One very common question I’ve gotten over the years goes something like this:

“I always get nervous before a date/meeting/social gathering and that holds me back from being my true and best self and from doing and getting what I want. What can I do to overcome this?”

This is an issue that used to hold me back in the past and I’ve more experience with it than I would have ever wanted.

Back when I was still single I often got quite nervous before a date.

And before that, when I didn’t have a date at all in a long time, I got nervous before most social situations.

It was no fun.

Things weren’t hopeless though. And today I would like to share three small habits and steps that, simply put, totally changed my life.

Step 1: Slow down.

A few minutes before you step into the meeting, job interview or date that makes you nervous slow down.

Walk slower to the meeting place. Move slower.

Then stop.

Step 2: Breathe.

Stand still or sit down for a minute. And then just breathe. Take a little deeper breaths than usual.

Make sure you breathe through your nostrils and with your belly.

Focus on just your slow in-breaths and out-breaths for 1-2 minutes.

This will calm your mind and body down and make it easier to think clearly and normally again.

Plus, that singular focus on your breathing will draw you back into this moment instead of leaving you lost in the thoughts of past failures or destructive worries about your near future.

Step 3: Assume rapport.

Assuming rapport means that just before you met someone you pretend and think to yourself that you are meeting one of your best friends.

Doing this will allow you to naturally slip into a much more relaxed, comfortable, confident and enjoyable emotional state and frame of mind.

In this frame of mind the conversation and smiles tends to flow naturally, without much thinking.

Just like with your best friends.

It’s, in my experience, a very simple habit to adopt but at the same time it’s also an incredibly powerful habit for tapping into your best social self.

By using these three steps over and over they will become habits that are easy to use. And over time as you get good results in social situations the old normal of feeling nervous will be replaced by a new normal.

A normal where you’re – at least most of the time – relaxed and confident in social situations because all your recent experiences put together have changed how you view yourself and what you expect on dates, in meetings and other such situations.

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“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”
Benjamin Franklin

“If I don’t train enough, of course I’m nervous.“
Haile Gebrselassie

It starts with just a little tremble within. Then a pressure builds up.

A hand or foot starts to fidget. Your palms become moist and you start to feel not quite like yourself anymore.

The inner calmness you felt has flown out the window.

Nervousness is back, like an old friend you didn’t want to see.

Just in time for that date you had been looking forward to for the past week. Or the important meeting at work or your presentation in school.

So what can you do at this point?

Back down, come up with a poor excuse and cancel (as your self-esteem plummets)?

Plow through the meeting or date while being not quite your best self?

It is certainly possible. I have done both.

But an even better approach has – in my experience – been to find strategies and develop habits that help me to handle this challenge.

Here are 7 of my favorite habits for dealing with and overcoming nervousness.

1. Prepare if possible.

A bit obvious. But doing your preparation in time and not at the last minute and doing the preparation well – without trying to do it perfectly – rather than somewhat sloppily make a big difference.

You’ll feel more sure of yourself and relaxed about what you are about to do.

• If you have an important meeting, do your homework so you know what will or may come up in the meeting.
• If you have a date, perhaps try to think of 2-3 interesting topics/questions to bring up in case the conversational flow hits a stop.
• If you have a job interview, think about what they may ask you and figure out some good answers.

2. Ask yourself: what is the worst that could realistically happen?

This question has helped me many times to calm down and to stop building a mountain out of a molehill.

Because the worst that happened when I was dating was that I had a somewhat awkward date with someone I did not have a good chemistry with.

It didn’t lead a second date and sometimes I felt bad for day or two. And that was pretty much it.

But the sky didn’t fall because it is was a bad date. I got up the next morning again and had often learned something good from it.

3. Visualize in a positive way.

It is so easy to get stuck in the usual and habitual negative visualizations in your mind of how a situation will go. And so you get nervous.

Try taking a break from it the next time you are having an upcoming date, party or meeting.

Just this once allow yourself to see things in a positive way.

Here’s how to do it:

• Lie down in your bed or sit down somewhere where it is comfortable. Close your eyes.
• In your mind see how great the situation will unfold – see and hear it – and also how great will you feel at this meeting. See yourself being positive, open and having a wonderful time with a smile on your face. And see the excellent outcome you want in your mind.
• Then release by visualizing that it has already happened, that the meeting is over with the desired result. This is surprisingly effective and will get you into a good, confident and relaxed headspace before even stepping into that conference room, class room or pub.

Try it and see how this exercise works for you. Maybe it becomes something you want keep doing.

4. Slow down and breathe with your belly.

A few minutes before you step into the situation that makes you nervous slow down. Walk slower to the meeting place. Move slower.

Even stop for a minute if you like and stand still.

Then breathe through your nose. Take a little deeper breaths than you usually do. Make sure you breathe with your belly. Not with your chest (a common problem when people get stressed or nervous).

Focus on just your slow in- and out-breaths for a minute or two. Only on the air going in and out of your nose.

This will calm you down, make it easier to think normally again and that singular focus can draw you back into this moment rather than past failures or future worries.

5. Assume rapport in social situations.

After you have slowed down and focused on your breathing I have another good habit if you still feel a bit nervous and you are going into some kind of social situation.

This one worked especially well for me when I was single and was dating. And it is also very useful just before any other kind of meeting.

The habit is to assume rapport.

This means that just before you met someone you pretend and think to yourself that you are meeting one of your best friends.

Then you’ll naturally slip into a much more relaxed, comfortable, confident and enjoyable emotional state and frame of mind. In this state of mind the conversation tends to flow more naturally too, without much thinking.

Just like with your friends.

This is one of the very best and most helpful social habits I have adopted in the past 10 years or so.

6. Remember: people don’t think about you and what you do that much really.

You may feel like everyone is watching, judging and thinking about you a whole lot. And so you get nervous, worried or hold yourself back in life.

But a sobering realization I have had over the years is that people simply don’t care that much about what you do.

Just because you may think a lot about what you do and say doesn’t mean that others do that too.

They have their own plate full with doing the same thing as you: focusing on themselves, on their pets and kids and on their own challenges at this moment in time.

This realization may make you feel a little less important. But it also sets you free a bit more to do what you want to do in life.

7. Tell yourself that you are excited.

Harness the nervous energy into something that will help you.

If you cannot minimize the nervousness in some situations by using the tips above then take a different approach.

When the nervousness bubbles up, tell yourself that you are excited about the meeting, presentation etc.

This helps you to change perspective on what is happening inside of you and I have found that it helps me to get a boost of enthusiasm and openness for a short while.

So I can go into that meeting with that more helpful mindset and emotional state.

And a few minutes into the meeting the excited energy has usually been used in a helpful way and I go back to feeling more relaxed and centered again.

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We can all get nervous from time to time. It could be the day before a job interview or a college exam. It might be when we’re about to ask somebody out on a date with worries that they might say ‘no.’ And we might feel nervous because of an upcoming driving test, a dental appointment, or some other nerve-wracking experience.

When we feel nervous, our palms might get sweaty, and we might experience an increased heart rate. Butterflies in the stomach are another common symptom of nervousness, as is accelerated breathing. These are all brought on by the body’s response to stress and many of us have experienced such bodily changes.

Chances are, you are relating to what we are saying. As we said, everybody gets nervous at some point. Thankfully, there are ways to stop your nerves from getting the better of you.

Prepare Yourself In Advance

What you do to prepare will depend on whatever it is you are nervous about. If your stomach is all of aflutter because of a trip to the dentist, you could find out what to expect from your appointment. This might put your mind at ease. If you’re nervous about a job interview, you could role-play interview scenarios with a friend or family member to get yourself ready for the big day. And if an upcoming exam is giving you the jitters, you should work hard beforehand to make sure you’re equipped for it. The more prepared you are, the more at peace you will be, so be as proactive as you can to help yourself.

Take Something That Will Calm Your Nerves

Certain types of drinks can provide anxiety relief, such as green tea and chamomile tea. Your local health store will recommend herbal supplements to you, so pay them a visit or look for something online. And CBD oil is a proven way to induce feelings of calm, so visit Simply CBD for the range of products they have available. These are just some of the things you can take to reduce your feelings of nervousness, although your doctor or pharmacist will also advise you on things you might take.

Try A Relaxation Technique

The last thing you want is your nerves to get the better of you moments before your exam or job interview, so for situations such as these, find a way to relax beforehand. You can do this through breathing exercises or certain forms of meditation, some of which you might be able to do at a moment’s notice. So, find out what works for you, be it a deep breathing exercise or a guided meditation that you can download on your phone, and focus on these to give you the instant calm you need.

Distract Yourself

Talk to your friends on the phone, walk your dog, watch something funny on YouTube, or do anything else that will take your mind off the way you are feeling. When you can distract your mind, you will get into a different headspace, and that might distance you from the nervousness you experienced. So, do whatever is right for you, even if it’s right before the event that is causing you to fret.

These are just a few of the ways to overcome nervousness, so we hope they were useful to you.  Take a look around our website for other helpful advice, and do whatever else you can to get a handle on your nerves. It is possible to let go of your fears, so be positive, and remember that whatever it is you’re nervous about won’t last forever!

*collaborative post

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