Setting boundaries with controlling parents can be challenging.

Emotions are flying around from every which way, but there’s also a lot of love and respect in the mix.

You don’t want to hurt your parents’ feelings; you know they’re doing the best they can, just like the rest of us, but at the same time, something has to change, or you’re going to explode.

You’ve reached your limit.  

To that end, today, we’re talking about setting boundaries with parents.

Is It Disrespectful to Set Boundaries With Your Parents? 

Your parents are driving you a bit batty, but you feel bad telling them to back off. After all, they’re your parents. The people who changed your diaper, provided for you, and marshaled you into adulthood.

But sometimes, they cross the line, and you must take measures.

And no, it is not disrespectful to calmly and kindly discuss some common sense boundaries with your parents.

Sure, you may initially hurt their feelings, but it shouldn’t cause too much familial discord if you do it right.

Besides, nine out of 10 parents had the same conversation with their parents decades ago. It’s a parenting rite of passage.

Reasons Why You Need to Set Boundaries with Parents 

Setting boundaries with parents is perfectly normal. Sometimes moms and dads have difficulty letting go, bless their hearts, and need a gentle redirection or correction. 

Outside of extenuating circumstances, setting boundaries almost always leads to more harmonious in-law relations. Everyone respects and understands what’s expected of them and behaves accordingly.  

Types of toxic parental behaviors that may require boundaries include:

• Assumed Authority: Do your parents still act like they’re in control of your life? Yes, if you’re 12, a certain amount of parental supervision is appropriate and acceptable. But if you’re in your 30s, it’s time to cut the umbilical cord. Parents can offer advice, but they can’t tell you what to do. Nor can they get mad if you don’t always pick what they want.
• No Privacy: It’s not OK for parents to rifle through their adult children’s things. You have a right to privacy from your parents when you reach adulthood.
• Dropping By Whenever They Want: In days of old when the Ingalls family was toiling on the midwestern frontier, it was acceptable to stop by peoples’ homes unannounced. They didn’t have smartphones. But today, dropping by unannounced is a high crime. At the very least, text someone a half hour before and ask for permission to stop by. But parents coming and going from their adult children’s homes as they please, without concern for anyone else’s schedule, crosses the line.
• Constant Criticism: Even though your parents probably love you more than anyone else on the planet, they also tend to criticize you more than anyone else.   
• They’re Pathologically Attention-Seeking: Some parents spend their whole lives battling attention issues. Maybe they have NPD or another personality divergence that makes them socially difficult. If they refuse to get help or work with you on mitigating the matter, things can become overly toxic.
• Always Play the Victim: Some people always play the victim. It’s often a behavioral quirk of folks who’ve yet to deal with traumatic events in their lives. After a while, it can become corrosive.

How to Set Boundaries with Parents: 9 Not-So-Painful Ways to Do It 

Do you need examples of boundaries with parents? We’re here to help.

Everyone’s family dynamic is different.

So tweak what you must.

Generally speaking, though, there are nine things you can do to make the boundary drawing process with parents a bit easier for all involved.

1. Think Before You Act

Try not to have an outburst. Sometimes, it happens. But if you can, avoid it.

Before approaching your parents with potential boundaries, think about the logistics. Also, consider their feelings. Is there a reason they’re being clingy? Try to approach everything with compassion leading the way. Planning out the conversation can help. 

2. Prepare and Know Your Material

It may feel silly to practice, but going in with a clear directive is the best course of action. Think about possible routes the conversation could take and prepare for them all. 

Don’t make the conversation a surprise attack. Let your parents know ahead of time that you want to talk about some family things. They deserve to prepare, too.

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3. Expect the Worst and Hope for the Best

Of course, you want everything to go smoothly. Ideally, your parents will apologize profusely and instantaneously tweak their behavior. But it’s much more likely that their feelings will ache, and they’ll completely misinterpret something you say.

Prepare yourself for this probability. And do your best to explain that you love them dearly but just need a bit of space.

4. Don’t Bait Them by Oversharing

You can’t treat people like light bulbs — switching them on and off when it’s convenient for you.

In other words, don’t overshare on Monday and expect them to forget about it on Tuesday. Once you open a conversation with someone, it’s difficult to take it back.

So don’t mistreat others by changing your emotional needs from day to day. Share it if you want your parents and in-laws involved in a conversation. If you don’t, keep it to yourself.

5. Slow Your Argumentation Roll

It’s so easy to get annoyed when frustrations have built over time. Sometimes, things just blow up. But do your best to curb arguments. Try to be the peacemaker.  

Try to remind yourself that you may be the person making a molehill into a mountain.

6. Create Space For Healing

People often need time to adjust to new rules. So if the initial boundary conversation doesn’t go smoothly, give the relationship some space. Time typically heals most wounds.

If it’s been over a week and you haven’t heard from a parent with whom you usually speak daily, give them a call. They may be hurt and need you to reach out. Swallow your pride and just do it. A standoff is silly.

7. Indulge in Self-Care

Setting boundaries with family can be stressful and anxiety-inducing. Throughout the process, take care of yourself. Try to eat healthily, and pamper yourself with some long baths and spa treatments. Imagine how good a massage will feel after politely negotiating a detente with your loving-but-demanding mother-in-law.  

8. Try To Be Fair

Getting older isn’t easy, and sometimes it can feel downright cruel — not to mention that hurdle of getting closer to your own mortality. So try to think about their feelings when crafting boundaries. Try to be fair to everyone, including them.

All things considered, is it really a hassle to have them over once a week for dinner? Double-check that you’re not getting annoyed for the sake of getting annoyed.

9. Be Firm But Kind

Setting boundaries with difficult elderly parents can be the hardest. Sometimes, they lose their ability to care about anyone else’s priorities and try to guilt you with their looming demise. It’s brutal.

But everyone will ultimately be happier if you stick to your guns. Be kind but firm. 

And don’t worry, when they get to this guilt stage, they usually have decades to go. 

Parenting is hard, so try and cut yours some slack. Yes, they may be driving you crazy. And yes, you have every right to establish boundaries — free of guilt. But do your best to be as gentle as possible.

When you’re their age and stressing out your little ones, you’ll appreciate the consideration.

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A pandemic is a confusing and scary time for everyone but especially parents. They have to wade through an online landscape pitted with misinformation in their search for the best ways to keep their kids safe.

However, children also face their challenges. The pandemic brought a shocking rise in teen suicides, and 53%of employees with children say they missed at least one day of work a month to help their child with mental health struggles. What can you do to improve this outlook? Here are five ways parents can support their children’s mental health in the age of COVID-19.

1. Look For Wholesome Activities

Do you know what happened after previous pandemics, even world wars? Life went on. It does for you and your children, too. Maintaining a normal routine is one of the best ways to demonstrate this principle to your kids.

If you’re homeschooling, imitate the traditional classroom as much as possible — including taking your kids on virtual field trips. You can find tons of online resources where your kiddos can learn to code or knit, applying what they learned in their daily classes to real-life situations or exploring fun new hobbies.

2. Spend More Time Outdoors

Mother nature has healing powers. Studies show she can do everything from improving your mood to boosting your immunity — both vital during a pandemic. Your kids will benefit from the fresh air and fitness in body and mind.

Taking your kids to the playground helps them meet their exercise quota for the day. They can run, skip and jump to their heart’s content. The World Health Organization (WHO) guidelines state that children aged 5 through 17 need at least 60 minutes per day of moderate to vigorous physical activity. You can squeeze in a workout, too — try a few monkey bar pullups or use a picnic bench to guide your squat depth.

3. Validate And Help Them Process Emotions

Kids aren’t immune from world news. Even if you keep television to a minimum at home, they’re sure to encounter mixed messages when out in public. Some of them may leave them feeling afraid.

Please don’t invalidate your child’s feelings by saying things like, “there’s nothing to worry about,” or, “don’t be a scaredy-cat.” Instead, let them know it’s natural to feel uncertainty, informing them that adults get frightened sometimes, too. Invite them to talk about their feelings and help them process their fears.

Then, brainstorm healthy ways to deal with these big feelings. You can suggest things like coloring a picture, writing in a journal or finding a way to help someone else in need.

4. Introduce Them To Healthy Stress-Reduction Techniques

Just as children aren’t immune from adult feelings, they’re not too young to learn how to regulate their emotions in healthy ways. Learning stress-reduction techniques as a child stays with them for life, providing them with coping mechanisms through countless ups and downs.

For example, even young children can practice deep breathing and yoga. Schools that have implemented such programs as an alternative to discipline like detention have seen significant improvements in behavior.

Mindfulness pulls children away from fears of an uncertain future or ruminations about an unchangeable past. You can teach them exercises like performing a body scan or slowly savoring a square of chocolate.

5. Consider Professional Help

Finally, there’s no shame in seeking professional help. Your child’s brain is an organ like any other, and problems can arise when things go wrong with it. The right treatment can get them back on a healthier path.

Fortunately, you have options for coverage, even if you don’t have health insurance yourself. You can apply for the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) through the Marketplace. If you qualify, you’ll get access to free and low-cost services, including mental health.

Ways Parents Can Support Their Children’s Mental Health

Being a parent during a pandemic is tough. So is growing up during one.

As an adult, it’s your job to do what you can to support your little ones. Follow the five tips above to support your child’s mental health in the age of COVID-19.

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As we age, we cannot help but feel physically and mentally weaker than before. This is due to the hardships that you have been through throughout your life, such as work stress, financial difficulties, and even problems with your family. Therefore it’s important to be on the lookout for these six things when your parents get older, especially if you need to consider a care home.

1. Disorientation

As your parents get older, they might suddenly find themselves completely lost when you take them out to a familiar place such as their own neighbourhood. This is due to the fact that the parts of their brain that are responsible for spatial orientation and navigation have been deteriorating with age. Therefore it’s important to be on the lookout for this and also to assist them in a way that they can still feel independent.

2. The Desire To Be Alone

Your parents might suddenly begin seeking out opportunities to be alone without any interruptions as they get older. There can be a few reasons for this. They might miss the sense of freedom and independence that they had before when life was filled with work and activities.

3. Confusion In Communication

As your parents get older, their communication skills will begin to deteriorate due to dementia or other age related issues such as arthritis. If you notice that your parents are having trouble communicating properly, you should be on the lookout for the signs. For example, they might constantly ask you to repeat things or make strange requests because their hearing has deteriorated. It’s important to be understanding and patient with your parents when this happens.

4. The Desire To Live In The Past

As your parents get older, it’s natural for them to long for the past. They might even begin telling you about the good ‘ole days as though they were yesterday and reminiscing about things such as family vacations or parties. You should be on the lookout for this and try to guide them back to the present moment whenever needed.

5. Your Parent’s Appearance

It can be difficult to tell if your parents are becoming frailer as they age because their shape and size can change very quickly. For example, your parents might start to look thinner than before due to weight loss or slower metabolism. It’s important to be on the lookout for this and try not to compare your parent’s current state with how they were like in the past.

6. Forgetfulness

As your parents get older, they might find themselves forgetting more things than before. You should be on the lookout for this and try to keep track of how much your parents remember because it can help you figure out if there is any sort of dementia. For example, you could give them a pen and paper to write down important dates or events in case they forget. It might also be time to consider respite care homes.

In Closing

Your parents might become more irritable and easily angered as they get older due to their inability to do the things that they love. They might also begin using humour as a coping mechanism for dealing with hardship and pain. Get a list of the best care homes in your area to start planning their next life stage. You should be on the lookout for this and try to help them cope with their issues effectively.

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Parents are for sure one of the most important figures in our lives. After all, they’ve been taking care of us for our whole lives, and now it’s time to reciprocate. Everybody ages, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.

If you want to make sure your elderly parents are living in a healthy and safe environment, then you will have to make some changes in the house and around it to make sure they are being taken care of the right way.

One of the biggest issues in older folks is mobility, hence, you need to create a safe space that will allow them to function normally. Besides that, there are some other things that you should incorporate, and below we will enumerate them.

Keep An Eye On Hazardous Flooring 

It is widely known that older people are more prone to falling than younger folks, hence, you should focus on fall prevention. This is especially crucial if your parents have issues with balance, or if they are dragging their feet.

If that’s the case, then you should eliminate hardwood floor, high-pile carpet, or tile floor, since all these things can be extremely dangerous for them. Furthermore, you should utilize a high-pile carpet instead of a low pile and assess the slip rating of tile, hardwood, and laminate flooring to make sure these areas are maximally safe.

Consider Installing A Stairlift

As it was previously accentuated, mobility can become a huge issue to elderly people, therefore, things like stairs represent a serious obstacle. Not to mention that going up the stairs can also be very painful.

That’s precisely why you should consider acquiring a stairlift. Namely, this is an excellent tool that can help them overcome any hurdles inside the household. Now, if you live in England, to be more precise, near or in Sheffield, then you should search for stairlifts for sale in Sheffield because for the time being, many online stores offer great discounts. So what are the biggest benefits of a stairlift?

First and foremost, they can help your parents get around the house without experiencing any pain and/or issues and without anybody’s help. Another thing that’s great about them is the fact that they are convenient and safe and can efficiently get older folks from one place to another.

Walk-In Bathtub

This can be of real help, especially for older people who cannot easily climb in and out of the bathtub. Now, before you purchase anything, think this through and consult with your parents first.

Why is that important? Well, it’s because you first have to get in the tub, shut the door and turn on the water. What if your parents are not too happy about standing and sitting in the buff waiting for you to fill the bathtub? After all, this is a huge investment, so you do not want to waste any money. That’s why it would be smart to ask them first before making any decisions.

What About In-House Monitoring?

This may not help your elderly parents move around, however, it may help you worry less about their safety. Namely, a majority of modern homes have become “smart”. What does it mean? It means that they contain things like fire alarms, carbon monoxide detection, burglar alarms, and much other useful stuff.

One of the things that you should definitely consider is in-home monitoring that was designed precisely for seniors. A lot of them come with sensors that are going to be put throughout the home so that you are able to keep track of their movements even if you’re not with them in person.

Place A Seat Near The Stairs

Climbing up the stairs can frequently be very exhausting, even for the younger people. You can imagine how difficult it is for older ones. They definitely need more rest to catch their breath, hence, it would be great if you could place a solid bench in all the places that require lots of activities.

A bench added near the staircase is a great idea because it allows your parents to have some rest when they are walking up the stairs. Another area where you should add a bench is the front porch.

Utilize Home Automation 

This powerful tool provides older people with safety, convenience, and lots of hands-free control. It comes with a first-class thermostat that can instantly adjust to keep seniors warm and cozy, plus it comes with smart lights that can be easily programmed.

Taking care of our elderly parents can be very rewarding, however, as you can see, there are a lot of things that have to be done to make sure they are happy and safe. That’s why you should do everything you can to implement all these tips that were suggested.

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As a society, we can often write off “playtime” as unimportant, or find ourselves thinking of education and play as two completely separate things. But for young children, play is a vital part of learning and development — providing a safe space for ideas to be expressed, creativity to flow, social skills to flourish, and problem-solving to be developed.

That’s why it is so important that children are allowed the opportunity to learn through play at home, especially at a difficult time like now when other social stimulations such as playdates or preschool are not an option. But how exactly can you help to educate your children through play as a parent?

To be honest, you’re probably doing it already. Lots of different types of play — whether it’s solitary play, play with siblings or a parent, pretend-play, or guided play — can teach children all sorts of valuable skills and lessons.

In the post below, we’ll be going over some of the great ways that you can encourage learning and educate children through play. Read on to find out more:

1. Encourage Creativity And Experimenting With Crafting

Planning some crafting activities is a great way to educate your children through guided play. You might wonder what your kids can learn from making greeting cards or pasta necklaces — after all, crafts with preschoolers tend to just be a lot of glitter and mess, right?!

Well, wrong. Arts and crafts activities can teach all sorts of useful, modern skills to little ones, whether it’s social skills such as sharing and communicating ideas, or critical thinking and problem-solving to work around a mistake.

Creative play like arts and crafts also give kids a chance to explore their ideas and express themselves creatively — allowing them a safe space to test stuff out without fear of judgment or repercussions. That’s how kids learn how to make mistakes, build up confidence, and establish their own identity with personal likes and dislikes — all incredibly important things to learn.

Of course, it can be hard to come up with a constant stream of crafting ideas without repeating yourself, so if you’re stuck for ideas, then you can always look at monthly subscription boxes for kids like the Sago Mini Box. Boxes like this are specifically designed for learning through play and child-led discovery — packed with make-and-play craft activities that kids will love.

2. Teach Them About Science & Nature In The Backyard

Playing in your backyard is the perfect way for preschoolers to learn while still having plenty of fun. Whatever the weather, small kids love being outdoors and exploring — especially at a time where we’re all a little cooped up and feeling restless.

Getting out in your garden is the ideal opportunity to blow those cobwebs away and introduce some interactive, touchy-feely fun activities, where your little person can learn all about local wildlife, plants, and weather. There are tons of fun and educational activities you can put on in your backyard, so it really depends on how brave (or squeamish) you are as a parent!

For example, creepy crawlies can be found everywhere, so why not have a sort of bug hunt around your backyard? How many different bugs can you find in the backyard together? Introducing your preschooler to minibeasts at a young age will help them to learn more about the natural world — including different bugs and their habitats under rocks or plants — as well as improving their vocabulary. You could ask them to describe the bugs they find, or even draw some of their favorite creepy crawlies once you’re back inside.

If bugs aren’t really your style, you could do some “gardening” together (of course, keeping it suitable for small children). You could try some weeding, or dish out watering cans for kids to water flower beds, or just have some fun digging holes together in the dirt!

3. Practice Problem-Solving & Teamwork Through Den-Building

Kids love dens; it’s a fact. And giving your children the opportunity to make their own den — whether it’s in the living room, garden, or garage — provides plenty of opportunities to practice problem-solving and teamwork!

Building a den is a super easy and exciting way for kids to learn through play. Think about the skills it develops: your child has to get creative and think logically to sort out things like the structure of their den and fix problems. How will it stay up? And what if something keeps falling down? What will they use as an access point or door?

Den-making may not seem like education to the untrained eye, but actually your child is testing out and applying all sorts of mathematical and engineering skills to work around problems.

It’s not just critical thinking that den-building encourages, either. Den-making with siblings (or you!) helps kids to work on their teamwork and cooperative skills as they work with someone else to construct their perfect den. Plus, they have to communicate their own thoughts and ideas to other people for this teamwork to work out properly! This can help with all sorts of things, like communication and language development.

As a parent, there are a few ways you can get involved and guide den-play. You can suggest appropriate materials and tools, such as old sheets, clothes pegs, and cardboard boxes. Or you could input some helpful suggestions and your own den-building tricks.

However, the important thing is to let your kids take the lead. This is their opportunity to make their own decisions, explore their own ideas and creativity, and boost their confidence.

4. Teach Them About Fun Food And Textures In The Kitchen

Whether you’re cooking dinner, baking a cake together, or carrying out daily chores like washing the dishes, you can have a lot of fun in the kitchen with your kids — plus, it’s a great way for parents to educate through play.

Encouraging your child to take a more active role in the kitchen will get them excited about food (especially if they get to make decisions!), more enthusiastic about trying out new dishes and flavors, and help them to become more comfortable with household chores (which is a handy skill to teach before they become terrible teenagers!).

There are all sorts of fun recipes you can try out with kids and make together, such as cookies or cupcakes, or pizzas and fajitas. Let your children choose a recipe or idea that they’re excited about — it will boost their confidence and help them to feel like they’re valued.

Whatever you choose, your kids will really see the benefits: smaller children like toddlers will have multi-sensory fun though touching, tasting, and smelling new ingredients and different foods. And older children will be able to practice their weighing and counting skills as you measure out ingredients together, as well as learning to follow a recipe.

It doesn’t just have to be cooking either; you could also involve your little ones in mealtime prep by giving them small tasks like washing vegetables in the sink or chopping fruit. While they’re doing that, you can talk about where these ingredients have come from — it’s a great opportunity to learn more about the food on our plates!

There are so many ways that you can educate your children through play as a parent. Try to strike a balance of providing kids with activities and ideas for guided play, as well as letting them loose with their own imaginations for pretend play; it’s healthy to have a mix, and all types of play will teach your children valuable skills. Most of all, remember to have fun!

*collaborative post

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