How often do you just grab a coffee on the go? Or drink your morning coffee in a rush as you get ready for the day? For most of us, our day-to-day cups of coffee are something that we need, and not something that we have time to savor. A coffee break is something that should be treasured. It’s a chance to take a little time for yourself in an otherwise hectic day. It’s something that can be enjoyed, and if you do it right, even short coffee breaks can be a powerful act of self-care, which energizes you and boosts your mood, before you get back to the grind.

Get Up A Little Earlier

If you want to take the time to enjoy your morning cup of coffee, you might need to get up a little earlier, especially if you are usually in a big rush to get out of the door in the mornings. Setting your alarm just 15 minutes earlier can give you time to sit down and sip a coffee, appreciating the taste and smell, instead of rushing it as you do other things.

Give Yourself Options

You wouldn’t eat the same thing for breakfast or lunch every day of the week, and nor should you. With so many wonderful foods available, you should enjoy as many different flavors as possible.

The same is true of your coffee. There are so many different types of beans, kinds of coffee, and extra flavors and syrups available nowadays, and you should try to taste a variety. Make sure you’ve got options for when you make coffee at home, and when you are out, don’t be scared to try something new.

Take The Time To Brew A Perfect Coffee

Pouring hot water over some cheap instant granules will never be an act of self-love. You deserve better than this.

When you take your time to get your coffee just right, you are sending a message that you value your time, as well as your coffee. This is empowering.

First, make sure you are storing your coffee correctly so that it keeps its flavor over time. You can read an article on how to store coffee beans from Cup and Bean to help you to get this right. Cup and Bean have plenty of tips on how to store coffee beans but also on how to brew coffee and the correct ratios to use. If you want your coffee to be an act of self-care, it’s worth a look.

Then brew the coffee that you’ve chosen using the correct ratios and times, instead of rushing.

Get A Favorite Mug

It might sound silly, but if we’re honest, most of us have a favorite mug or cup. In a cupboard filled with options, you’ve probably got one that you’ll always choose if it is clean.

You might think that your coffee tastes better out of your favorite mug, and while this is in part phycological, there’s some truth to it too. Different materials taste slightly different. So, coffee in an earthenware mug, for example, might not taste the same to you as China or glass.

If you don’t have a favorite mug, it’s worth heading to the shops to find one.

Make Each Cup An Experience

Make every cup of coffee you drink in a day an experience. Try not to drink them while you are working or on the go, but instead while you are resting, or doing something that you enjoy like reading or talking to a friend. This is an effective way to make sure your cups of coffee are pleasures, not necessities.

Drink Your Coffee Mindfully

Being mindful basically means giving thought to our actions and acknowledging and accepting our thoughts and feelings, instead of just skipping past things.

When you drink a cup of coffee, think about how it tastes, but also how it smells and how it feels in your mouth. Think about how the cup tastes, and how it feels in your hand. Think about how this particular drink will affect your day and take the time to ask yourself why you wanted a coffee in the first place.

Don’t Head Straight Back To Work

Try not to rush straight back to work, or any other task as soon as you’ve finished a coffee or any other hot drink. This can leave you feeling hot and even a little sick. Give it time to settle before getting up again.

Appreciate The Benefits Of Coffee

We can sometimes feel like coffee and caffeine are naughty and indulgent. But there are so many benefits to drinking coffee in moderation. These include benefits to your health and wellbeing, as well as your mood and energy levels.

Whenever you take time to do something for yourself you are performing an act of self-care, and even the small ones, like drinking a coffee, can have a powerful effect on your days if you let them.

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One of the main aims of yoga is to create and cultivate sattva—a state of peace and harmony within oneself. Our sense of inner peace is most often challenged when we activate an unconscious mental and emotional pattern, or samskara. These are subtle impressions or energetic imprints in the unconscious mind left behind by past actions, thoughts and emotions. They are karmic seeds that take root in the subconscious mind that grow and affect our future actions. Yoga has many tools to help us recognize these unconscious imprints and transform them into healthy behaviors through mindfulness, inquiry, and self-awareness. Learning how to remove samskaras will reduce suffering, increase inner peace, and make it easier to reach higher states of consciousness.

Benefits of removing samskaras

There are many benefits of removing, breaking or dissolving your negative habit patterns. Samskaras are the root cause of much of our human suffering. If we want to live happy lives, we must learn to let go of our old habits and replace them with more positive ones. Here are some of the benefits of dissolving negative habit patterns:

• Remove negativity. When you have fewer samskaras, you feel happier and more peaceful. You’ll notice less stress and anxiety and you won’t need to worry about what others think of you. By dissolving behavioral patterns you have more opportunities to choose to respond to life events with positivity.
• Increase happiness. When you’re not living out of guilt, shame and fear, you have more space and time to experience joy and love. By removing negative behavioral patterns you will find more moments to experience happiness.
• Reduce pain and suffering. When you’ve removed your samskaras, your body, mind and heart feel lighter and healthier. You can let go of any pain and suffering you have been carrying around and find more ease in your life.
• Have more energy. Being caught in a loop of negative thought and emotion drains the body, mind and heart of energy. When you’re free of samskaric imprints, there’s more space, time, and energy in your life for creativity, expression and inspiration.
• Become more confident. When you get rid of your samskaras you’ll stop worrying about what other people think of you. By removing chronic negative thought patterns you’ll begin to trust yourself and feel better about who you are.
• Feel better about yourself. When you’re no longer carrying around burdensome memories and painful experiences, you’ll start to believe in yourself again. You’ll see yourself as worthy and deserving of respect.
• Be more open-minded. When you’re not holding onto samskaras, it becomes much easier to accept change and embrace new ideas and opportunities. By removing your habit patterns you are able to see situations from different perspectives.
• Be more mindful. When you’re working on dissolving your samskaric tendencies, you have more freedome to choose to act differently. You’ll be more conscious of your actions and reactions and therefore more likely to make good decisions instead of habitually responding to life events.
• Attain higher states of consciousness. When you’re free from samskaric imprints, the ego recedes and your awareness expands to the deeper subtle layers of the body and to the higher aspects of mind.

How to remove samskaras

The process of removing samskaras begins with understanding their nature, function and purpose. Knowing the yogic philosophy behind them will enable your removal of samskaric imprints to be more effective and fruitful.

The first step towards removing your samskaras is to acknowledge their existence. Once you accept that they exist, you can then decide whether you’d like to keep them or not. It may help to write down your list of samskaras and the reasons why you want to remove them so you can refer back to it later.

The primary way yoga practices helps you overcome samskaras is by bringing awareness to your thoughts and unconscious actions. Once you identify your habit patterns, you can also use yoga to soften them and eventually let go of them. By practicing yoga regularly, we can shine light and clear away these imprints and replace them with new positive samskaras. There are many practices and techniques in yoga that help disolve imprints and cultivate deeper awareness to our unconscious. Experiment with the ones that sound interesting to find the best techniques to bring you freedom.

15 yoga practices to dissolve and remove samskaras

1. Dhyana (meditation) – Meditation is a powerful tool for the mind that helps you connect with your inner self and increases awareness, focus and insight. Meditation is one of the most powerful ways to free yourself from the bondage of samskaric imprints. A meditation practice will help you to notice how your thoughts and emotions are activated and influenced by deep-rooted mental impressions. Most importantly, regular meditation helps create new neural pathways to physically change your brain. The established neural pathways that make you feel anxious or stressed can be decreased and new pathways can be formed which can keep calm and level-minded even in challenging situations.
   A meditation practice can teach you how to control your mind and emotions and stop deepening your negative samsaras. Through regular meditation practice, you can learn to recognize your thoughts and emotions before acting on them. This awareness can be used to break the cycle and slowly soften these habit patterns.
2. Svadhyaya (self-reflection and self-study) – Inquiry and reflection are tools that helps you understand the deeper meaning and source of your habit patterns. They help you uncover and get rid of the stories that cloud your perception and judgment. When you question your habitual way of thinking, you can begin to detach from it and move towards freedom. Asking questions like “Why am I doing this?” “Where does this impulse come from?” and “What is my intention here?” can help you see what is going on inside you. This kind of questioning helps you look back at your past experiences and analyze your current situation. When you reflect on your past decisions and actions, you can begin to understand where they came from. You can also examine your present feelings and thoughts and try to figure out if there is any connection between your samskara and your current state.
3. Pranayama (breathing exercises) – Pranayama helps you control your breath both on and off your yoga mat. Controlled breathing creates deep states of calmness and equanimity. Consciously invoicing a state of calm helps you observe your thoughts and emotions without reacting and being caught up by them. In addition, slow deep breathing makes us slow down to become more aware of ourselves. Samskaras are subconscious and instinctive. They often happen as a reaction before we even notice. Using the breath to slow down provides more opportunities to think about what we do before we habitually react.
4. Asana (yoga poses) – Yoga poses teach you how to focus your energy and help you release stress and anxiety. The asanas help you develop strength, flexibility and balance—physically, mentally and emotionally. A consistent asana practice helps build a strong container to witness and contain strong energies and emotions, which helps dissolves negative samskaras and create and reinforce positive ones.
5. Vairagya (detachment) – The yogic practice of detachment helps you disengage from your desires, drives and unconscious needs. When you learn to detach from external influences and internal reactions, you are less likely to act out and reinforce negative habit patterns. Detachment also allows you to step back and see your situation from a broader or different perspective. This helps you gain the clarity, wisdom and insight to let go of behavioral thought patterns.
6. Mudras (gestures) – Mudras are hand gestures that help you direct your attention and focus your energy. These gestures are used to create and symbolize positive ideas, concepts and emotions. For example, lotus mudra symbolizes openness and growth, and anjali mudra represents peace, love, and compassion. Mudras are a potent tool to shift your energy from a negative state to a positive one.
7. Mantra (chanting) – Mantras are sounds that are repeated to clear your mind of distractions. This meditative practice helps you develop concentration and focus. The repetition of these sacred sounds helps you strengthen your connection with the divine and it creates new neural pathways in your brain. Chanting can also help you cleanse yourself of negativity and bring positivity into your life.
8. Karma yoga (yoga of selfless action) – Karma yoga teaches you to do good deeds and to live a life of compassion and kindness. Learning to shift your attention away from your ego to helping other people and living your dharma (life’s purpose) will help dissolve negative samskaras and create positive ones.
9. Niyamas (personal codes of conduct) – The five internal practices of niyama are the ethical codes of conduct of a yogi’s internal environment of body, mind, and spirit. The practice of niyama helps us maintain a positive environment in which to thrive and gives us the self-discipline, humility, and inner-strength necessary to progress along the path of yoga. These practices include purity, contentment, honesty, humility, truthfulness, gentleness, patience and non-violence. Consciously practicing the niyamas in your daily life will help you cultivate self-control and discipline so you don’t fall victim to your own impulses.
10. Yamas (ethical guidelines or vows) – The yamas are rules of conduct that govern all aspects of our external lives—from relationships to diet to daily activities. The yamas are the foundation of Patanjali’s teachings on ethics and morality. The five yamas are: ahimsa (non-harming), satya (truthfulness), asteya (non-stealing), brahmacharya (celibacy), and aparigraha (non-possessing). Consciously practicing the Yamas in your daily life will help you overcome the common samskaras of anger, greed, lust, jealousy, pride, envy, hatred, and fear.
11. Pratyahara (withdrawal of senses) – The active practice of drawing the energy of the senses inwards helps you disconnect the triggers from the outer world and brings equanimity and focus to your inner world. As most samskaras are triggered by external stimuli, by withdrawing your senses you can reduce or remove the charge and intensity of these reactions. Pratyahara also increases the self-awareness and consciousness needed to understand samskaras by connecting current emotional reactions to past events. This practice will also make you more grounded and centered to be less likely to get knocked over by intense behavioral reactions. This process of introspection cultivates our ability to control our emotions and behaviors.
12. Tapas (austerity) – Tapas is the fiery intensity of will power that ignites our psychological processes and sustains the discipline required to change and overcome samsaras. Any time we manage to refrain from engaging in a negative behavioral pattern, that effort of self-control retains a concentration of inner-strength inside of us. This energy fans the flames of awareness, bringing our internal wisdom to light. One of the best ways for developing and maintaining tapas is by practicing the yoga poses and techniques we dislike or find challenging. By cultivating grit and willpower, tapas helps you purify and cleanse your body and mind of any unwanted habits and unconscious imprints.
13. Bhakti (devotion) – Devotion helps you open your heart and expand your awareness beyond yourself. We usually respond to negative samskaras by closing ourselves off emotionally. When we do this, it limits our view of reality and makes us feel small and insignificant. In contrast, bhakti yoga opens up our hearts and minds to new possibilities, allowing us to see the bigger picture. It inspires us to act out of love rather than fear. Bhakti yoga is a powerful technique to create positive samskaras because it dissolves negative thoughts and feelings with love, compassion and devotion.
14. Sankalpa (intention) – Sankalpa means an intention or vow made by the practitioner. Clear and focused intentions are very helpful when trying to change unconscious habits and behavioral patterns. Intentions act as a guide for how to move forward and stay focused during your practice. They can also be important reminders about what you truly desire, so you can continue the journey of transformation when you become overwhelmed with the process.
15. Sadhana (practice) – The daily practice of yoga is called Sadhana. You begin a sadhana by setting an intention, committing to it, and following through with diligent practice. This dedicated daily practice helps strengthen positive samskaras while cultivating the tools and techniques needed to dissolve negative ones. If you want to change bad habits, you must regularly practice the new ones you wish to replace them with. Also, having time to concentrate daily and intentionally on spiritual practices will deepen your understanding of how your past actions affect your present life. Choose yoga practices that work best for you, so that they don’t become an automatic or obligatory routine. Varying the activities you use for sadhana helps you stay committed with ease.

Other methods to work with Samskaras

1. Start a journal
   Journaling is a great way to reflect on the events of the day and to see how they have affected you. You can use journaling as a tool to identify your samskaras. If you notice an event triggering a strong emotion, write about what happened. What was going through your mind? How did you react? Did you think about the consequences of your reaction? Was there anything else happening at the same time?
2. Professional counseling
   Working with a counselor or therapist is an effective option to support you through the process of working with unconscious negative patterns. It’s important to find a therapist who values meditation and yogic practices and understands the yogic philosophy behind samskaras. They can help you bring awareness and insight into your subconscious patterns and help you replace them with healthier patterns.
3. Connect with others
   Connecting with other yogis and conscious decision-makers is a great way to find support and motivation when you decide to change an unconscious negative pattern. You need to surround yourself with people who will encourage you to stay strong and continue to make positive changes. You also need to be around people who will challenge you to grow and encourage you to become a better human.
4. Lead a healthy lifestyle
   One of the best physical methods to weaken and dissolve samskaric imprints is to live a pure and healthy yogic lifestyle. This includes abstaining from alcohol, drugs, sex, violence, gossip, lying, etc. Living a pure life will prevent new negative imprints and will also give you more energy to focus on your sadhanas.
5. Practice gratitude
   Gratitude is the key to happiness and is a practice that cultivates good feelings towards others and oneself. Gratitude is the antidote to negativity and is a powerful tool to shift your perspective away from the small ego mind towards the larger Self. You can engage in gratitude as a separate practice or incorporate it into your yoga practice.

Conclusion

The key to becoming free from the endless cycle of samskara is learning how to break the karmic chain of cause and effect. Once we realize that every thought, word, and deed creates an impact on our life, we can take responsibility for our own choices. In order to do so, we must be able to identify the samskaric imprints that keep us trapped in the same old patterns. Through dedicated and regular yoga practice and reflection, we can gain insight into our own minds and hearts. Only then can we change our destiny.

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Thich Nhat Hanh was one of the most influential spiritual leaders on the planet. Revered for promoting peace and bringing mindfulness to the west. Even Dr Martin Luther King, Jr. called him “an apostle of peace and nonviolence”.

It’s no wonder then that there are mourners the world over after the recent passing of Thich Nhat Hanh.  

Solace does come through the powerful lessons he leaves behind. 

Live in the here and now 

Living presently has become a buzzword of sorts in recent years. We all know we ought to live that way, but few of us truly understand mindfulness, let alone are able to cultivate it. 

Hanh’s gentle approach to mindfulness reminds us that peace is always available. 

As he said, “feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”

By thinking of our feelings, and our thoughts as passing clouds, we see them differently. We no longer have to believe every thought, nor allow ourselves to fall into the trap of obsessive thinking. Instead, we gain power and perspective when we separate ourselves from our feelings and let them come and go. 

Let go of suffering: start living 

To really live mindfully, Thich Nhat Hanh said that we must let go of our suffering. Unfortunately, many of us would prefer to continue suffering than to step into the unknown. 

And Hanh knew a thing or two about suffering. After travelling from his home country Vietnam to the U.S. and Europe to oppose war, (something that led him to be nominated for Nobel Peace Prize) Hanh was exiled from Vietnam for 39 years. Instead of making him bitter, he remained peaceful and continued his work around the globe. 

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering,” said Hanh, “Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

Our worries, anxieties, fears and regrets might feel familiar – and therefore safe – but to free ourselves and live in the present moment, we must let them go. 

It means being strong with ourselves. When negative thoughts arise, we must allow them to float away. And gently come back to the present moment. 

Enjoy every day 

In our current world of restrictions, case numbers, and variants, naturally, fears and anxieties arise. Enjoying every day might seem hard in time’s like these. Regardless, Hanh is adamant that we ought to enjoy not just every day, but every minute too. 

“I promise myself that I will enjoy every minute of the day that is given me to live,” he said. 

It’s worth remembering, our days are not guaranteed. Importantly, happiness is actually a choice we make each day. There is incredible power in knowing this. Just as we can let out thoughts pass by us, we can choose to enjoy every day regardless of our circumstances. 

Silence is powerful 

Our world is noisy. If we aren’t obsessively scrolling on our phones, we’re replying to emails, taking calls or streaming drama shows. Notifications come in from multiple sources every hour of every day. Switching off is something that gets increasingly difficult. Yet, silence may just be the key to improving our lives. 

Hanh believed so strongly in the power of silence he authored a book on it – one that had a lasting impact on my life.

“Silence is essential,” he said. “We need silence just as much as we need air, just as much as plants need light. If our minds are crowded with words and thoughts, there is no space for us.” 

Practising silence allows us to hear our inner world. Rather than distracting ourselves with continuous noise, silence has the power to give us inner peace, knowledge, and knowing. 

It can power our decision making, improve our focus, and perhaps even had a positive impact on our mental health. And according to Hanh, because silence comes from within, we can cultivate silence even in the most chaotic of places. 

Come back to your breath

If you know anything about mindfulness, you’ll have undoubtedly heard about coming back to your breath. But for Hanh, it was so much more than a meditation technique. Connecting with our breath is a way of life and an anchor for us to truly live in the present moment. 

“Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts. Whenever your mind becomes scattered, use your breath as the means to take hold of your mind again,” he said.

It’s uncommon for most of us to even consider our breath on a daily basis, let alone use it as a way to calm our minds. Yet focussing on our breathing for just a few minutes can do wonders for relaxation, and mental clarity. 

There is comfort in passing 

Having now passed, Thich Nhat Hanh’s view of death feels more relevant than ever. In one of his books, No Death, No Fear he details that when his mother passed away he suffered for a year. Then, one evening, after having an intense dream about his mother, he decided to go outside and walk in the moonlight. As he walked he realised she had never truly left him – that was a concept his mind had created. 

“From that moment on, the idea that I had lost my mother no longer existed. All I had to do was… feel the breeze on my face or the earth under my feet to remember that my mother is always with me, available at any time.”

In a world that fears death, Hanh’s thoughts are comforting. Perhaps one of the greatest teachers of mindfulness and peace hasn’t left us at all.

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Today I want to share 12 tips that have been really useful for me to calm my anxiety in everyday life.

Because if you’re anything like me you have been there many times.

You’re sitting in a waiting room. Or just waiting somewhere.

Soon it will begin.

Your leg is starting to shake nervously. Your hands are starting to sweat and maybe your mouth feels a bit dry.

Your thoughts are becoming jumbled, it is hard to focus and to think as clearly as you usually do.

Maybe you have an important test in school. A job interview. An appointment with your doctor or dentist.

A date that you are looking forward to but at the same time you are scared to make a fool of yourself on.

Whatever it may be it is making you anxious.

Now, these self-help tips are for relieving low or medium levels of anxiety. They are not intended for anxiety attacks or anything that serious.

I know nothing about such things and would recommend that you seek professional help in such situations.

1. Breathe.

Sit down, in a quiet place if possible.

Breathe a little deeper than usual and do it with your belly and not with your chest.

For just a minute or two focus on only the air going in and out of your nostrils. Nothing else.

This will calm your mind and body down.

And it will bring your attention back to the present moment instead of it being lost in overthinking scary, future scenarios or bad memories from the past.

2. Get good knowledge.

Dispel the clouds of uncertainty and vague fears by researching what you have anxiety about.

By talking to people who have done what you are about to do or want to do – or by reading what they have written – you can build a more realistic roadmap with both positives and negatives of how things are likely to go.

And learn how to improve in the area that gives you anxiety.

Do research on the best ways to become better at and less nervous when – for instance – doing public speaking, job interviews or presentations at work or in school.

3. Do a quick workout.

I like to lift heavy weights for about 30 minutes when I feel worried, stressed or anxious.

It makes me feel stronger both in mind and body. It releases inner tensions and relaxes me.

Others go out for a quick run, walk or bike ride when they feel anxious.

Find a way to exercise that fits you and lets you reap these benefits and counteract anxiety.

4. Focus on something else.

Sometimes it is more helpful to simply redirect your mind instead of thinking about what creates your current anxiety.

Especially if you have no control over the situation that causes the anxiety like for example an upcoming appointment with your doctor or the dentist.

So focus your attention somewhere else for a while and recharge it with something positive.

Watch a couple of episodes of your favorite sit-com or TV-series. Browse your favorite social media feeds. Have relaxing or upbeat evening with friends.

Do something that takes your mind off the situation that causes anxiety, even if it is just for a few hours.

After that recharge you will not only likely feel better but you will also be in a better headspace and at a higher energy level to handle and think about the anxious situation.

5. Don’t forget to eat.

When I forget to eat because I am stressed and anxious then that only tends to worsen my state of mind.

It becomes harder to think clearly and negative scenarios more easily pop up in my mind.

So even if you don’t feel that hungry keep an eye on the clock and if you may be running low on fuel.

6. Change your focus to what you can do right now.

When you ask yourself questions that make you feel powerless or like things will only get worse and worse then you take away your personal power.

Empower yourself by instead asking yourself:

What is one small thing I can do to improve upon this situation today?

Write that question down and brainstorm answers for a few minutes. Then take action on one of the answers you find.

It doesn’t have to be a big action, just one small step forward. And when you are done with it then take another one.

This movement forward will make you feel like you are starting to regain control over your life again, it will make you feel at least a bit more confident and it, in my experience, tends to reduce the anxiety.

7. Question your worries and anxiety.

Look to your own past and ask yourself:

How many situations that I have been anxious about in the past have turned out to be exaggerations or me making a mountain out of a molehill in my mind?

Question your anxiety and worries instead of letting them roam freely.

8. Remember: You have handled tough situations in the past.

When you are standing in the middle of anxiety and fear bubbling up within then it is easy to get dragged down with it.

To lose faith in yourself and your abilities.

When that happens focus on your breathing first to calm and clear your mind. Then look to the past for a bit of strength and confidence in what you can do.

Doing this helps me to go from feeling powerless to feeling like I am standing on firmer ground again.

9. Let the feeling in to let it go.

Sometimes an anxious feeling can feel sticky and vague.

You don’t know exactly where it is coming from or what is causing it. It can be hard to get rid of.

A bit of an odd solution that has worked well for me in such situations is this:

When you feel a negative feeling then allow and accept that feeling. Don’t try to keep it out. Don’t try to fight it.

Even though many of us have learned to do those two things to negative feelings throughout life.

Instead, this time, just let it in and observe the feeling in your mind and body without judging it.

If you let it in and just observe it for a couple of minutes something wonderful happens.

First it may feel uncomfortable and more intense.

But then the feeling loses power. It weakens.

Often to the point that it just vanishes. Or so you can let it go without much effort.

Because when you accept the feeling and let it in you stop feeding it with more energy (as you would when you tried your hardest to keep it out or to fight it).

10. Let it out into the light.

When you keep something inside of you then your head can become an echo chamber that magnifies and doubles the anxiety and fear in a situation.

So let it out instead.

Talk to someone close to you about the situation at hand. Just venting to someone who will listen can help you to get a more grounded view on what’s happening.

Or the two of you can discuss it and help you to reclaim your power by making a small, initial plan for how you can reduce the anxiety about this situation by taking some kind of action.

11. Stay in the present moment.

Anxiety is often a fear of something you think will happen in future.

One way to reduce that anxiety is to simply stay with your attention in the present moment as much as you can.

Perhaps you make a small plan in advance to help you out but you choose to deal with the anxiety-creating situation when it happens.

Instead of spending hours each day with imagining and fearing the future and creating monsters in your mind.

The breathing technique at the start of this article is one of the best techniques I have found for returning to the present moment when you get lost in the future.

Another one of my favorites you can try is this one:

Take 1-2 minutes and focus only on what’s right in front of you.

Or around you and on you. Look at what’s right in front of you.

Listen to the sounds around you. Feel the fabric of your clothes. Feel the warmth of the winter sun on your skin.

12. Remember: There is a brand new day tomorrow.

This reminder helps me when today or the last week may not have gone so well.

Because there will be a brand new day tomorrow. A day when you can begin again.

A day when you can take a new step to move towards what you want and likely have a bit more luck.

And when it will be easier to see that this difficult time is only temporary and not permanent (even if it might feel that way right now).

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“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
Marcus Aurelius

The alarm bell goes off. You slowly open your eyes.

A new day lies before you.

A day of unexplored potential and opportunities. How can you make it more likely to become a positive and good day?

Today I’d like to simply share 7 habits that I have used to make my mornings and whole days better.

1. Have a reminder on your bedside table.

How will you start your very first moments and minutes of the day?

One good way to get off to a good start is to have a note, a reminder on your bedside table that will be one of the first things you see after you have woken up.

A couple of suggestions for what to write down on your note:

A low bar for happiness.

Write down: “Today I will set a low bar for happiness”. Read it and try to keep it in mind during the day.

This one helps me to appreciate things more.

The food, my work, the weather, the people and the small events of the day becomes not everyday stuff but something I feel happy to have. The small things or what may be something one takes for granted becomes something I now often pause for a moment or two to take in and appreciate.

Your top 3 priorities in life right now.

To keep your attention in the right place it is essential to remind yourself every day of what is truly most important.

So what is most important for you this year? A project at work? Your family? Improving your social life? Your blog, photography, soccer or debt?

Think about it and reduce what is important in your life to the top 3 most important priorities.

2. Give one genuine compliment.

Giving one genuine compliment to your partner, a family member, friend or co-worker during your morning can not only lift his or her day but also make yours a little brighter and happier.

So tap into what you can appreciate about a person in your life. Then tell him or her that.

If you can, make it something that may be a bit unexpected and something that person hasn’t heard a hundred times before.

For example, a compliment about her great taste in music or his wonderful way with animals may be more appreciated and powerful than a compliment about looks and other more superficial stuff.

3. Positive information intake over breakfast.

Instead of watching the news or reading the papers and getting a negative and perhaps depressing start to your day do something that will inspire you.

• Read one or a couple of new posts from positive, funny and uplifting blogs or websites.
• Read a chapter from a book that inspires you (or a handful of quotes that motivate you).
• Or simply have a fun and warm conversation with the people around your kitchen table.

4. Start your workday with your most important task of the day.

If you do then the rest of the day will feel lighter and easier. You will feel better about yourself and more confident as you move on to other tasks.

If you have trouble getting started with the most important task then just make a deal with yourself to work on it for 3 minutes. Then you can stop if you like.

But you may not want to once you have gotten started. That seems to be the case for me most of the time.

Getting started is most often the hardest part. So make that part easier for yourself.

5. Go slow.

When I go a bit slower it becomes easier to fully focus, to keep the stress down and I most often do a better job with something the first time around.

I work with more clarity and I do not get stuck in doing busy work very often.

It may feel like I’m not getting enough done but at the end of the day I usually get more quality work done than if I tried to maintain a high speed throughout the day.

Partly because the lower stress levels keeps my mind fresh and energy up even through the last few afternoon hours of the workday.

Try going a bit slower. See how it works for you.

6. Work out.

Often mentioned and for a good reason. It has many positive benefits.

I workout several times a week and by doing so I boost my energy, inner doubts and tensions lessen, I feel more decisive and my mind becomes more optimistic.

And all of that makes the rest of the day lighter.

I highly recommend doing some kind of exercise in the morning. If you can’t go to a gym or work out from home early in the day then maybe you can walk or bicycle to work or school.

7. Do the right thing in some small or big way.

This one boosts your self-esteem. It puts a spring in your step and it at least makes me feel happier.

So do what you deep down think is the right thing.

A few examples that may resonate with you:

• Perform a random act of kindness. Hold up the door or point out the way for someone who seems lost.
• Help someone out practically or just by listening.
• Get started with putting a dent in the most important challenge in your life.

Build upon just a small step, a small thing if you like. Start building an upward spiral of positivity and good feelings within. And then take further steps upward.

Towards what you know you really want and you know are the right things for you in your life.

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One of the best ways to make your own life happier is to cheer someone else up and to make their life happier.

Why?

You simply see it. As the face of a family member, friend or co-worker lights up with joy you feel happier too.

You did something good. You will feel happier because you know deep down that you did a good thing and the right thing. And so your self-esteem will rise too.

You tend to get what you give in life. In the long run – over weeks, months and years – you usually will be treated by others as you treat them. Plus – and this is something I didn’t understand for quite some time – you also tend to treat and think about yourself as you think about and treat other people.

So, how can you cheer someone that is going through a tough time up and make their life happier today?

Let me share 47 tips and things you can do.

Try one of two of them out today and see how it affects someone in your life (and then you and your own happiness too).

1. Give a sincere compliment.

Think about it for a minute and then give someone in your life a sincere compliment today. It may mean especially much if the compliment is about something close to that person’s heart or if it’s something that they have put in an effort to improve in their life.

This is a great way to make someone’s day (and sometimes week too).

2. Hold the door open.

It takes so little effort but can put a smile on someone’s face and a spring in their step.

3. Let someone into your lane.

While you’re driving, let someone into your lane. It can quickly reduce frustration and some stress in his or her life.

4. Share some of your homemade cookies.

Or your tasty jerky, bread or ice cream you made earlier today. Simply a small gift that expresses your appreciation of them.

5. Give away a piece of your hobby.

Like, for example, a painting, bracelet or piece of clothing you made.

6. Share some of the good things you harvested this fall or summer.

Maybe some of that homemade jam, canned vegetables or dried mushrooms.

7. Express your gratitude for something that’s too often taken for granted.

It’s too common to take what others do for us for granted. Like how they are there to listen, how they are doing their job well or the meals they prepare for us to enjoy.

8. Encourage.

The best way to help someone in a world that can be discouraging and tough may be to encourage them. To help lift them up when they are in a negative situation.

So add your own grounded and constructive perspective to help alleviate their fears and to help them find optimism and a path forward once more.

9. Tell a funny joke.

Or a funny or thrilling story about something that happened to you earlier this week.

10. Share something funny you found online.

Like a funny video, your current favorite song, a funny meme or one of the positive things you’ve discovered lately like an inspiring article or social media channel.

11. Share a playlist of the most uplifting songs you’ve found.

Go beyond your favorite song right now if you like and share with them a whole playlist of good music that you use to refuel your own motivation during difficult times.

12. Tell a friend about a podcast that inspires you.

Or share a playlist of your favorite podcast episodes or audio documentaries that give you plenty of motivation or life changing insights about our time here on earth.

13. Give a stranger a compliment.

You don’t know what kind of hard time someone you pass by in daily life may be going through. So try giving them a compliment about how great their hat or umbrella looks or ask them where they got that cool t-shirt.

14. Just listen.

As someone vents and both get those negative emotions and thoughts out and start to figure out the situation they are in out loud and what they want to do about it. This can, in my experience, be a great help to stop overthinking things and to not build mountains out of molehills in one’s mind.

15. Help out with some advice.

Share what has worked for you in a similar situation in a relationship, at work or with your own business. And if this is beyond your experience and knowledge, perhaps gently suggest that they talk to someone who knows a lot more and to get a bit of professional help.

16. Give them a hand with setting up a meeting, party etc.

Having someone pitch in and help out can in my experience be a big stress reliever and be helpful to plan for the upcoming event in a smarter and simpler way.

17. Pick some flowers.

A simple thing but it can to the right person who loves flowers be a wonderful combination of them feeling surprised and being able to appreciate a piece of nature for a few days.

18. Go out in nature together.

Another way to enjoy the sights and smells of nature is to simply take a walk or hike together.

This combination of fresh air, exercise and just experiencing the stillness might just be what your friend needs to receive a burst of positive emotions and turn a bad day into one of the good days this week.

19. Give a hug.

An easy way to unstress and change someone’s mood surprisingly quickly. Use when it is appropriate though.

20. Run an errand for them.

It can reduce stress big time if someone is having a hectic day and doesn’t feel they have time to go down to the post office or store.

21. Exercise together.

Sometimes the best medicine to get those happy hormones going, to find a new perspective on things and renew your energy is to work out. So do it together with your friend or partner to get that boost for the both of you (and to nudge them in the right direction if they are lazy or procrastinating about going to the gym or going out running today).

22. Do a boring task to lighten their load today.

Having someone else doing the dishes, cleaning up after cooking or doing some extra laundry can, in my experience, be a big relief if I’m having a bad or overly busy day.

23. Help them with something they’ve procrastinated for too long.

Like cleaning out the garage or their closet. Or getting the weeds out of a part of their garden.

24. Cook their favorite food if they’ve had a bad day.

This one really cheers me up on such days.

25. Pick up their favorite take out food.

A quicker option than cooking their favorite food. But still a really good one.

26. Bring something nice or sweet for the coffee break at work.

This is a smaller variation of the previous two tips. Just bring some nice fruit, a couple of pieces of dark chocolate or some other sweet treat to boost their mood during afternoon coffee or tea.

27. Smile.

Even if you are simply talking to the cashier for 30 seconds in the supermarket or coffee shop. Because that positive energy is contagious.

28. Remind them to just breathe.

Few things will calm someone down and help them to center themselves and their thoughts as focusing on just their breathing for 1-2 minutes. So remind your friend or co-worker to take deep breaths, to breathe with their stomach and to only focus on that to feel better within a few minutes.

29. Do a brainstorming session together.

If he or she is in a negative situation then take 10-20 minutes and just come up with as many ideas as the two of you can to improve upon this situation. And no idea is too bad or silly at this stage.

The point is just to come up with as many ideas as you can. And then, after that is done, you can pick out the best and most actionable ones that you can break down into small steps and your friend can take action on.

30. Hide a secret, handwritten note.

A note of love, of thankfulness or perhaps one with a compliment. Hide it in their lunch box, hat or under their pillow. It takes just a few minutes but goes a long way to lift someone up when they are having a rough time.

31. Bring a cup of coffee or tea just the way the person likes it.

Or any other warm drink they like such as a broth or some hot cocoa.

32. Go out for some ice cream together.

It’s a simple way to make a quick break into a good time and to lift the spirits of a loved one with the help of a caring gesture and a tasty treat.

33. Stay in for a movie night with popcorn.

This is especially nice now during the fall and winter when the evenings are often cold, dreary and dark. Pop some popcorn and watch maybe one feel-good movie and one funny movie to both find a new perspective and have a good laugh together.

34. Gather some friends or family and play board games.

Spend an afternoon or evening with some good snacks and fun board games to have some quality time together.

35. Do what they most like to do if they’ve had a bad day.

You know what your best friend, partner or child likes the most. Their favorite things. It might be tennis, fishing, crossword puzzles, video games or something else. Take them along to do that activity for an hour or two.

36. Reach out even if they are far away.

Don’t let distance get in the way of cheering someone up that you care for. You can use Skype, make a phone call or send text messages to change someone’s mood within minutes and to make them feel better.

37. Go out for a fun and recharging activity.

Sometimes we all just need a break from our everyday life and challenges to feel better. So go out for a spa day. Or half a day at a museum. Or go to the local amusement park to go on some scary but thrilling roller coaster rides.

38. Help them find gratitude.

A simple way to help people find a more positive perspective on their life and to find the silver lining if needed is to encourage them to ask themselves more helpful questions. Like for example:

• What can I be grateful for in my life today?
• Who are 3 people that I can be grateful to have in my life and why?
• What are 3 things I can be grateful for about myself?
• What is one thing I too often take for granted that I can be grateful for?

39. Help out with decluttering a part of their living space and then to freshen that space up.

Perhaps they have a bedroom where they really want to do some decluttering and reordering to create a more pleasant and calming space to sleep. And if the room needs some further sprucing up then some new plants and maybe some new drapes can make a big difference.

40. Assist with getting an item on their bucket list done.

If you are close friends then this one can be a really good way to cheer them up. If they for example want to go skydiving or eat at a really good restaurant then help them to take that step and finally book it.

Or the two of you can come up with steps they can take to save up money for the bucket list item and a plan for when they can book it.

41. Help them see how they make a difference in their lives.

Point out how your friend or coworker is spreading kindness and happiness in their life. Because many are unaware of how much good they do for others or they underestimate the positive impact they have.

So help them see themselves in a more positive light so they don’t sink into or get stuck in low self-esteem.

42. Help them help someone else.

The two of you could for example help a mutual friend out with something. Or sign up to do a bit of work at a local charity or soup kitchen.

43. Remind them of shared happy memories.

This is such a simple but fun thing for the both of you. Cheer him or her up – and yourself too – by talking about the trips and evenings that you will never forget, the funny thing that happened back in school and some of the good times you’ve had together.

44. Take their mind off a problem for a while.

Watch a few movies, play some soccer or go out for an evening with some good food and drinks. This is a simple but great thing for someone that needs that distraction for a while to relax and recharge a bit.

45. Do an activity together that slightly shocks them into a new mood.

For example, go out for – or cook – some spicy foods to get that kick from the heat. Or go for a cold bath. Or spend a bit of time in a sauna. These light shocks to the system are in my experience a simple and effective way to change one’s current mood and perspective.

46. Bring the positive energy.

If you bring positivity and an open and good energy into a conversation then that tends to spread and the two of you will likely have a happier and more fun lunch break or coffee date in the late afternoon.

47. Bonustip: Remember to pay it forward as soon as you can.

If someone does something to cheer you up and makes you a bit happier again then a good thing to remember – to create an upward spiral in your world – is to pay that kindness forward to someone else. So just as you have been cheered up today, find someone you can cheer up too before today is over.

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If you’re struggling to come up with the best compliment words to use with the people in your life, we’re glad you’re here. 

Compliments should mean something—to both of you.

If you’ve been overusing a compliment because you can’t think of anything new that says what you feel, we’ve got a whole list of one-word compliments for you to try. 

We bet you’ll find some new favorites that describe your special person to a T.

31 Of The Best One-Word Compliments 

The best one-word compliments are those that say what you want to say in a way that reaches the heart of the one you’re complimenting.

It’s not always easy to find the right words for a particular person. See if you can find some worth trying in the list below.  

Attentive — Generous with their attention; considerate when listening; fully present; mindful; intent; diligent; earnest; committed; all ears.

Authentic / Genuine — Not putting up a false front or pretending to be something they’re not; honest; true to themselves; unalloyed; original.

Beautiful / Stunning / Lovely — Pleasing to the senses or the mind; exceptionally attractive or pretty; impressive; mind-blowing; radiant.

Bold / Brave / Courageous — Unapologetically themselves; acting despite fear; confident; not afraid to take risks; daring; confident.

Breathtaking / Awe-Inspiring — So awesome and amazing, they take your breath away; astonishing; thrillingly beautiful.

Brilliant / Intelligent / Genius — Well above average in the smarts department; gifted; whip-smart; witty; masterly; profound; adept; first-rate.

Calm / Peaceful / Unshakeable —  Not easily ruffled or upset; grounded; serene; relaxed or easygoing; untroubled; even-tempered; coolheaded.

Captivating — Arresting your attention; stimulating to the imagination; more than capable of attracting and holding your interest.

Creative — Driven to create things or imagine innovative solutions; inventive; resourceful; ingenious; original; clever.

Energizing / Restorative — Filling you with renewed energy and motivation; inspiring; invigorating; refreshing; renewing.

Funny or Hilarious — Making you laugh (often) with apparently minimal effort; having a natural aptitude for humor; having a keen sense of comedic timing.

Generous / Self-Giving — Quick to give without expecting repayment; giving in a spirit of kindness and fellow-feeling; ready to share their resources with those who need them.

Graceful / Poised  — Refined or elegant in movement or bearing; sophisticated; dignified. 

Handsome / Gorgeous / Striking — Extremely good-looking; jaw-dropping.

Honorable — worthy of honor, admiration, and respect; setting the standard for proper behavior. 

Hot / Sexy / Sensuous —  Sexually attractive; exciting; desirable; alluring; sultry; seductive; the kind of attractive that does things to you whenever you see them.

Humble / Nonegotistical  — Having healthy self-esteem, neither insecure nor arrogant; having a healthy distrust of the ego and its demands.

Incredible / Phenomenal — Amazing beyond belief; unprecedented or without equal; defying beliefs and expectations.

Interesting / Intriguing / Fascinating — Effortlessly capturing your attention and interest; claiming your undivided attention.

Irresistible  — Impossible to resist or to do without; someone who is your weakness—the part of your life you never want to lose or to give up. 

Kind / Compassionate — Showing thoughtfulness, concern, and solicitude toward others; being there and going above and beyond for you or someone else.

Knowledgeable / Erudite  — Educated and driven to continue learning; studious; hungry for knowledge.

Lovable / Adorable — Charming and easy to love or fall in love with; endearing; the kind of attractiveness that makes you smile and feel warm when you think of them.

Mischievous / Playful — Having a mischievous streak; fun-loving and adventurous; uninhibited (or less inhibited than most).

Nonjudgmental  — Slow to judge others or to make assumptions; broad-minded and forgiving; wise. 

Perceptive / Intuitive — Having a strong sense about people and situations; insightful; tending to follow their gut/instincts.

Persuasive / Compelling — Having a way with words; convincing; able to win people over; influential; reasonable; logically sound. 

Remarkable / Extraordinary  — Notably or conspicuously unusual or rare; standing out in a positive way. 

Resilient / Strong / Unsinkable — Impossible to keep down (for long); enduring; persevering; undeterrable.

Unforgettable / Memorable  — Impossible to forget or to push far from your mind; ever-present in your memory or imagination (or both).

Unique / Special / Irreplaceable — Impossible to replace or replicate; one of a kind; set apart from everyone else. 

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Conclusion

Now that you’ve looked through our list of one-word compliments, which ones stood out for you? And who comes to mind? 

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When you get pounded by life, with one wave of despair crashing into the next, it’s easy to feel hopeless. 

Maybe you’ve been holding on by your teeth and just don’t have the strength to go on.

But you do.

You do have the strength when you muster just the tiniest seed of inspiration and hope. 

The poetry of hope we’ve curated below just may be that seed, motivating you to find your footing and envision a better tomorrow. 

11 Powerful Poems About Hope

We know that optimistic poems alone aren’t going to change your life or circumstances.

But they are a starting point to remind you that all isn’t lost. Something better is around the corner, and you DO have the inner resources to make it happen. 

Excerpt from The Hill We Climb, Amanda Gorman

So let us leave behind a country
better than the one we were left with.
Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest,
we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one.
We will rise from the gold-limbed hills of the west.
We will rise from the windswept northeast,
where our forefathers first realized revolution.
We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the midwestern states.
We will rise from the sunbaked south.
We will rebuild, reconcile and recover.
And every known nook of our nation and
every corner called our country,
our people diverse and beautiful will emerge,
battered and beautiful.
When day comes we step out of the shade,
aflame and unafraid,
the new dawn blooms as we free it.
For there is always light,
if only we’re brave enough to see it.
If only we’re brave enough to be it.

I Promise Myself, Christian D. Larson

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of
others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the
greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile
to every living creature I meet.
To give so much time to improving myself that I
have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side,
so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

Never Let Go of Hope, Jancarl Campi

One day
you will see
that it all
has finally come together.
What you have
always wished for
has finally come to be.
You will look back
and laugh at what has passed
and you will ask yourself,
“How did I get through all of that?”
Just never let go of hope.
Just never quit dreaming.
And never let love

A Center, Ha Jin

You must hold your quiet center,
where you do what only you can do.
If others call you a maniac or a fool,
just let them wag their tongues. 
If some praise your perseverance, 
don’t feel too happy about it—
only solitude is a lasting friend.
You must hold your distant center.
Don’t move even if earth and heaven quake. 
If others think you are insignificant,
that’s because you haven’t held on long enough.
As long as you stay put year after year,
eventually you will find a world
beginning to revolve around you. 

Coming, Philip Larkin

On longer evenings,
Light, chill and yellow,
Bathes the serene
Foreheads of houses.
A thrush sings,
Laurel-surrounded
In the deep bare garden,
Its fresh-peeled voice
Astonishing the brickwork.
It will be spring soon,
It will be spring soon—
And I, whose childhood
Is a forgotten boredom,
Feel like a child
Who comes on a scene
Of adult reconciling,
And can understand nothing
But the unusual laughter,
And starts to be happy.

New Every Morning, Susan Coolidge

Every day is a fresh beginning,
Listen my soul to the glad refrain.
And, spite of old sorrows
And older sinning,
Troubles forecasted
And possible pain,
Take heart with the day and begin again.

Dreams, Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams 
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

Kindness, Nikita Gill

And maybe it is easier to learn kindness in these times.
When the whole world is like a small child with a fever,
trying her very best to make herself feel better.
Maybe we find our unity in the near-losing of everything.
Where we have no choice but to depend upon each other.
This is what it takes to realize we are in this together.
A man helps someone he dislikes because they are in danger.
A neighbor delivers groceries to everyone ill on her street.
Old friends forgive each other and stop acting like they are strangers.
Maybe this time, this is what the revolution looks like.
People helping each other despite their differences.
Understanding truly, that without the aid of others,
we would be all alone in this.

Don’t Quit, Rev Wade Watts

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit!

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Invictus, William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
    For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
    I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
    My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
    Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
    Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
   How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
   I am the captain of my soul.

A Time To Believe, B.J. Morbitzer

To believe is to know that
every day is a new beginning.
Is to trust that miracles happen,
and dreams really do come true.
To believe is to see angels
dancing among the clouds,
To know the wonder of a stardust sky
and the wisdom of the man in the moon.
To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child’s eyes
and the beauty of an aging hand,
for it is through their teachings we learn to love.
To believe is to find the strength
and courage that lies within us
When it’s time to pick up
the pieces and begin again.
To believe is to know
we are not alone,
That life is a gift
and this is our time to cherish it.
To believe is to know
that wonderful surprises are just
waiting to happen,
And all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
If only we believe.

Which of these famous poems on hope spoke to you? What words can you hang on to today to see you through challenging times?

When you find your thoughts returning to hopelessness, revisit these hope poems and remember you can always find a way forward. 

​

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“When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fear.

It’s so easy to get stuck in it. To let it hold you back.

I have been there many times in my life.

The fear has, for example, held me back from:

• Trying new things. It has held me back from trying something new for lunch or a new hobby because I feared I would have a bad experience or fail. And so I stuck to my usual routine and choices.
• Asking someone out for a date. Because I didn’t want to risk being rejected or looking like a fool in eyes of other people.
• Living my life like I deep down wanted to. The fear has held me in its grip and calmly explained to me that it would be best and most comfortable for me to stay where I am and to do nothing new. And many times I have sadly believed the fear and gotten myself stuck in a place where I honestly deep down didn’t want to be.

The fears we have are based in how we think about things. Destructive thought habits can create a lot of fear that is really unnecessary and damaging.

But there are also ways to handle these habits when they pop up and to – over time – replace them with healthier habits.

So today I’d like to share 6 destructive and fear-inducing thought habits and what to do instead of letting them roam free in your head.

1. You keep the fear foggy and undefined.

As long as your fear of doing something is foggy and undefined and just floating around in your head it will hold you back and often grow stronger with time.

What to do instead:

Ask yourself this question: what is the worst that could realistically happen?

And don’t just take a second or two to answer it.

Sit down with a pen and piece of paper. Take time to really think about it and to write out the realistic worst-case scenario.

This will:

• Bring a lot of clarity to what you truly fear.
• Defuse quite a bit of fuzzy fears or disaster scenarios that may have been bouncing around in your mind.
• Help you to realize that you can often bounce back pretty quickly even if the worst-case scenario somehow becomes reality.

2. You keep the fear to yourself.

When you keep the fear to yourself then in my experience it can easily take charge of your imagination and build a horrific and paralyzing nightmare in your mind.

Just being alone with the fear makes it is easy to lose touch with reality.

What to do instead:

Writing it out as mentioned above can certainly help. Another step you can take is to share your fear with someone else.

By sharing and getting some level-headed input from a friend or family member that nightmare can often be quickly deflated and seen for what it really is.

And just talking about it to someone who truly listens will release a lot of your inner tensions.

3. You focus on aspects that will keep you stuck.

If you just focus on the negative things that could happen if you face your fear then it will be very hard to start moving forward.

What to do instead:

A change in perspective is needed.

You can get it by talking to your friend or family member and by exchanging ideas and experiences about what opportunities lie ahead if you move forward.

You do it by focusing on the positive and on why you want to move towards what you fear.

A few questions that have helped me to find the more constructive and positive perspective when I have faced a fear are:

• What are the potential upsides that I want and can have by taking these actions?
• What are the potential upsides in one year if I start moving on this path? And in five years?
• And how will my life be in five years if I continue on the fearful path that I am on today?

Talk these questions over with someone. Or take out a piece of paper and write down the answers. Or do both.

4. You misinterpret the often little information you have.

It is easy to take very few experiences – maybe just one – and start seeing them as evidence of something permanent and frightening in your life.

What to do instead:

Question your fears and what they are based upon.

Again, sit down with that pen and a piece of paper. Think back to what evidence you have in your memories for a fear and a belief of yours.

Try to see the situation(s) that created your fear with fresh eyes today. Instead of the way you may usually see them.

Doing this helped me to for example reduce my fear of social rejection.

I looked back at a few situations from my past that formed and fueled that fear.

And I realized that:

• Honestly, I may have just misinterpreted being rejected in some of those situations.
• I often wasn’t rejected because it was something wrong with what I did but simply because we weren’t realistically a good match for each other. Or because the other person had a bad day or because he or she simply wanted to push me down to feel better about himself or herself in that moment.

This was an eye-opening experience and also helped me to understand that everything is not about me and what I do. And that our memories can often be pretty inaccurate and unhelpful if not reexamined later on.

And that our minds love to create patterns and conclusions based on very little evidence or few experiences.

5. You try to push the fear away.

When you try to deny a fear in your life, when you try to push it away or not think about it then it can often grow stronger.

What to do instead:

I have found in recent years that pushing the fear away can certainly work and help you to not be paralyzed from taking action. But I have also discovered that it can sometimes be more helpful to accept the fear.

To accept that it is there instead of for example trying to tell yourself to focus on the positive like a laser-beam.

That may sound a bit vague so here’s how I do it.

• Breathe. Take a few breaths and focus only on the air going in and out to calm and center yourself a bit.
• Tell yourself something like: “Yes, the fear is here. It simply is at this point in time.”
• Take that feeling of fear in and just let it be there in your body and mind. It will be uncomfortable. But just for short while.

Because if you do let it in then after a while – often just after a few minutes of discomfort in my experience – the fear starts to lose steam. It becomes a lot smaller or just seems to float away.

And it becomes a lot easier to think clear and constructive thoughts again.

6. You make it harder than it needs to be to take action.

If you think that you have to take action in a big, heroic and risky leap to overcome your fear then that may often lead to more fear and to not taking any action at all.

What to do instead:

A more helpful way to go about things is to not go all in at once. But to instead just dip your toes in. To take a small step forward but to do it today or as soon as you can.

And to take that first step slowly if you like.

The most important thing is that you start moving. That you start building momentum forward so that you can take more small and perhaps slow steps forward.

Doing things this way will not only build momentum but also self-confidence and expand your comfort zone. And all of this will make it a lot easier to take a bit bigger steps later on too if you’d like to.

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“It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.”
Leonardo Da Vinci

One of the biggest and most common problems with improving your life or the success you want out of it is that you may not take consistent action over a longer time period.

Now, consistency isn’t the sexiest or most exciting word.

But it is, coupled with time, what will give you real results in your life.

Sticking with the program and doing something consistently – and not just when you feel inspired or something like that – is very, very powerful.

This is something I have struggled with a lot in the past. And on some days I still do.

But over the years I have found a few things that really help me with this.

1. When you’re taking action, focus only on the process.

I use this one, for example, when I do my workouts and when I write. I don’t take responsibility for the results in my mind.

I take responsibility for showing up and doing my workout/the writing. That’s it.

The results come anyway from that consistent action. And this makes it easier for me to take this action because:

• I know that is all I need to focus on. And so my energy and attention is only focused in one direction and I do a better job.
• I feel a lot less pressure on myself. And so I’m more relaxed and prone to continue compared to if I stare myself blind on the potential results that never come as quickly as I may want and if I’m on an emotional roller coaster from day to day.

2. Remember why you are taking action.

Find your top priorities and reasons for why you are doing what you are doing.

It could be to provide for your family, to save up for traveling, to get the job you really want or to improve your self-confidence. Or something else.

To not lose track of why you are taking action and to stay focused:

• Write down your most important reasons. Take a few minutes, sit down with paper and a pen and write down the top 1-3 reasons for why you take action and want to keep doing that in your life right now.
• Put that note where you can see it every day. Like for example in your workspace or near your bed so that you see it every morning when you wake up.

3. Reminder: you don’t want to hurt yourself.

When you disappoint yourself and don’t think and do as you really deep down want to you hurt yourself by lowering your self-esteem.

Whatever you do during your day sends signals back to yourself about what kind of person you are. Do the right thing like being effective, kind, going to the gym or simply rest and you feel good.

Get lazy, negative or just plain mean and you tend to feel worse after a while.

You don’t get away, there is no escaping yourself. And there is always a price to pay.

4. Take smaller steps on the days when the big ones seem to daunting.

On some days getting started with any of the the most important tasks may seem daunting. And so you start to procrastinate.

When that happens, one thing that has worked for me is to be kind.

To nudge myself forward instead of beating myself up.

So at such times I take:

• A small step. I may make a deal with myself to just work for 5 minutes on a piece of a bigger and more difficult task.
• An even smaller step. If that small step feels like too much and I start to procrastinate I make a deal with myself for 1 or 2 minutes of work.

Sometimes that results in a few dents put into a big task, a couple of smaller tasks being completed and many breaks being taken throughout the day.

And sometimes the easy start or restart to the day is all I need to get going again and to have a good and very productive time before the evening arrives.

Either way, I move forward instead of standing still.

5. Celebrate what you did today.

When you appreciate your good work you feel even better about your life and yourself.

And over time taking more action with less inner resistance becomes possible and you associate action with more positive emotions than you may at this time.

So….

• Take two minutes at the end of the day to think about what you can appreciate about what you did today. Or write down a couple of self-appreciative things in your journal.
• Have a tasty treat or a bigger celebration.
• Tell someone how nice something turned out, how you learned a good lesson or how proud you are over something important you did today.

Reward yourself for the things you did right today to strengthen your action taking habit.

And remember to be kind to yourself for the things you may have missed or not gotten done.

No point in trying to beat yourself up. No point in trying to be perfect.

See what you can learn from it and perhaps try another solution tomorrow and see if that works better.

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