One of the biggest myths people obsess over is that they are supposed to achieve certain milestones by a particular age.

There are benefits to comparing yourself to your peers – for someone excelling in a field you want to progress in, they can be an inspiration, driving you further forward than you didn’t think possible without your example.

But on the flipside when you’re on social media being exposed to images of wonder kids, displaying the talent of someone who has spent decades mastering their craft, it’s understandable this may make you feel insignificant.

It doesn’t need to be someone in the online world – it could just be something simple like seeing a friend who has a good job, own their home, and in a solid relationship.

When you compare to yourself – struggling to start your career, living with parents and long-term single, you start feeling behind.

When you get these feelings remember:

Life is about following your own path

When you say you’re behind, it’s worth remembering this is a false statement.  ‘Being behind’ implies there is an official measure where we are supposed to be and what we are meant to achieve by a particular age.  This doesn’t exist and has been created from a combination of societal pressures of what is normal, and our own tough standards of where we think we are ‘supposed’ to be.

You feel behind because your friends are starting a family, storming their career, and setting up a home, but there is no rule saying you are meant to have these things.

They say life isn’t a sprint it’s a marathon, both seem inaccurate as this suggests your life is a competition with others, really, it’s more like a series of personal bests – you set your own path.

When you live like this, you’ll never feel like you are being left behind, because you’re on your own.  Your achievements are what you choose to put your energy into.  As Earl Nightingale said, “Success is the Progressive Realization of a Worthy Ideal.”

Societal expectations

Feeling behind hits young people just entering adulthood hard.  This is because they’ve gone through the education system, which is all about reaching and exceeding milestones.

With this conditioning it’s not surprising they still have this comparison mindset with their peers, forgetting they’re adults, free to make their own decisions, and not following a framework to be considered a success.

There are unwritten rules, imagined pressures deemed by the culture you’ve been brought up in.  For example in western society you may feel a stigma if you’ve not lost your virginity by your late teens.

In reality, a lot of these things can wait until you are ready – keep this in mind when facing these pressures.

“Stay in your lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.” – Brene B

You don’t have to have it all figured out yet (or ever)

This type of advice doesn’t just apply to twenty somethings, there are plenty of people in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, older who look at their life and think because of their experience they should be further ahead.

When you reach an older age you feel pressure to be more mature and have life ‘figured out’, and this creates the feeling of being behind.  This is something else imagined, there is no defined requirement that we must understand our purpose – part of the fun in life is figuring this out.

It’s something of a cliché in self-improvement literature to read about people like JK Rowling and Colonel Sanders finding success ‘late in their careers’.  These examples are supposed to inspire hope that the good thing will still happen to you, but really their success is irrelevant as you don’t ever have to figure it out.

Life is about ups and downs

When you see someone that makes you feel behind, you’re not seeing the full picture especially on social media.  There life may not be a good as you think, failing to see their flaws or unhappiness which they choose to hide from public viewing.

This is not meant to be advice suggesting you look forward to their inevitable failure to make you feel better, but a reminder that this can happen to anyone – there are moments progression maybe be halted or even decline by the unexpected such as losing that great job, or a marriage ending.

Keep this in mind – everything is fleeting so keep working at it, enjoy your moments and be grateful for what you do have!

How do you stop this measurement?

There are things to recognise to avoid feeling behind, starting with realising life isn’t a competition, where you are ‘ahead’ or ‘behind’ the crowd.

Constant comparison with what others have is damaging your wellbeing.  If you have a friend who seems to have it all, be pleased for their success, and focus on your own progress rather than viewing them as a yardstick for your own shortcomings.

There is no definitive rules about what you are supposed to do with your life and when you’re supposed to do it – set your goals and invent your own definition of success.

So next time you think about life as being something you are behind in, stop yourself and realise that’s not correct as this world is not meant to be a big measurement of required ‘must have’ milestones.

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Losing someone, whether to death or the end of a relationship, is the most painful experience you’ll ever face.

Your grief is so profound and overwhelming that it’s impossible to express the depths of your despair.

If you have lost someone, or you know someone who has, these grief poems and poetry about loss can offer words of comfort and validation on the worst days.

Although poems on loss can’t erase the pain and heartache, they can be part of the process of grief that leads to healing.

13 Poems About Loss to Ease the Pain

If you are searching for a poem about grieving and loss, read through the following thirteen we have curated just for you.

Each poem on loss speaks to a unique situation that you or a loved one may be experiencing right now. 

Turn Again to Life, Mary Hall

If I should die, and leave you here a while,
Be not like others sore undone,
who keep long vigils by the silent dust and weep.
For my sake, turn again to life, and smile,
Nerving thy heart, and trembling hand to do
Something to comfort weaker hearts than thine,
Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine,
And I, perchance, may therein comfort you!

Loss and Gain, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

When I compare
What I have lost with what I have gained,
What I have missed with what attained,
Little room do I find for pride.
I am aware
How many days have been idly spent;
How like an arrow the good intent
Has fallen short or been turned aside.
But who shall dare
To measure loss and gain in this wise?
Defeat may be victory in disguise;
The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide. 

Excerpt from Starlings in Winter, Mary Oliver

Ah, world, what lessons you prepare for us,  
even in the leafless winter,
even in the ashy city.
I am thinking now
of grief, and of getting past it;
I feel my boots
trying to leave the ground,
I feel my heart
pumping hard. I want
to think again of dangerous and noble things.
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing, 
as though I had wings.

Coat, Vicki Feaver

Sometimes I have wanted
to throw you off
like a heavy coat.
Sometimes I have said
you would not let me
breathe or move.
But now that I am free
to choose light clothes
or none at all
I feel the cold
and all the time I think
how warm it used to be.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep, Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there; I did not die.

Don’t Run Away from Grief, Rumi

Don’t run away from grief, o’ soul
Look for the remedy inside the pain
Because the rose came from the thorn 
And the ruby came from a stone.

Nothing Gold Can Stay, Robert Frost

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower; 
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.

I So Liked Spring, Charlotte Mew

I so liked Spring last year
Because you were here; –
The thrushes too –
Because it was these you so liked to hear –
I so liked you.
This year’s a different thing, –
I’ll not think of you.
But I’ll like the Spring because it is simply Spring
As the thrushes do.

For Grief, John O’Donahue

When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you becomes fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.
Flickers of guilt kindle regret
For all that was left unsaid or undone.
There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
Onto the black tide of loss.
Days when you have your heart back,
You are able to function well
Until in the middle of work or encounter,
Suddenly with no warning,
You are ambushed by grief.
It becomes hard to trust yourself.
All you can depend on now is that
Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.
Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time. 

The Uses of Sorrow, Mary Oliver

Someone I loved once
gave me a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand that
this, too, was a gift.

One Art, Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.
—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied.  It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

I Have Lost You, Edna St. Vincent Milay

Well, I have lost you; and I lost you fairly;
In my own way, and with my full consent.
Say what you will, kings in a tumbrel rarely
Went to their deaths more proud than this one went.
Some nights of apprehension and hot weeping
I will confess; but that’s permitted me;
Day dried my eyes; I was not one for keeping
Rubbed in a cage a wing that would be free.
If I had loved you less or played you slyly
I might have held you for a summer more,
But at the cost of words I value highly,
And no such summer as the one before.
Should I outlive this anguish, and men do,
I shall have only good to say of you.

In Blackwater Woods, Mary Oliver

To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

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You are not alone in your sadness and loss — these are universal experiences. That’s why these poems of grieving were written and shared by so many. 

Write down your favorites to read in times of deep sadness, or share one with someone you care about who has recently had a loss. 

Allow the words to provide comfort and support as you move through the difficult days ahead.

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“Sugar is addictive”

“Cut out all sugar!!”

“Sugar feeds cancer”

Whoa, those are some strong statements. Are any of them true or is cutting out sugar necessary?

The short answer is not really.

Metabolically, all of the carbs in the foods you eat – grains, fruit, and starchy vegetables included – break down into sugar molecules called glucose in your gut. This is because your body’s most efficient source of energy is glucose. While large amounts of added sugar in your diet can cause diabetes and displace more nutrient dense whole foods, a little sugar in your life keeps things sweet.

“Sugar is addictive”

Humans are evolutionarily wired to like high-energy foods; that desire has kept us alive. Some studies show that eating sugar lights up the pleasure centers in your brain, similarly to how a drug might. This makes sense – finding pleasure in a high calorie substance will help us prioritize what to eat to survive. Now, we aren’t cavemen anymore, so sometimes this can get out of hand. But guess what also gives us a dopamine response? Music. Hugs. Laughter. Real addiction is serious, and involves dangerous withdrawal symptoms and behavioral changes. The current science does not support the idea that sugar is actually addictive.

“Cut out all sugar!!”

What might make sugar feel addictive is actually its’ restriction. Cutting out dessert can lead to increased sweet food cravings, which might lead you to binge on more cookies or ice cream than you ever would have eaten in the first place. Allowing yourself to mindfully enjoy dessert will help your brain realize that this food is not “forbidden” and therefore there’s no need to seek out as much sugar as possible all in one sitting. Balance is possible!

“Sugar feeds cancer”

Cancer metabolism is highly complex; you should seek the support of an oncology dietitian during your treatment, but the truth is that any food will “feed” cancer. Metabolic changes occur that increase the supply of glucose to the cancer regardless of what type of food you eat. More importantly, any food will feed YOU. Clinical outcomes are much better when a cancer patient is well-fed before and during treatment. Food that tastes good is really important with metabolic shifts, nausea, and taste changes during cancer. There are ways to alter your diet to prevent or treat cancer that include sugar in a balanced way.

Find the sweet spot

In my practice, I use Intuitive Eating to help my clients work towards balance with their food cravings and being able to enjoy ALL their food, even if they do have pre-diabetes or diabetes.

Do you need help finding this balance? Do you have more specific questions about sugar?

Schedule a FREE 15 minute call with me to see how we can work together towards helping you build some healthy habits that still give you room to enjoy your food.

Looking for my take on artificial sweeteners? Stay tuned for another blog post all about sugar substitutes!

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