Every single human adult on the planet lies.

Some would even argue that living a lie-free life is impossible.

We lie to spare feelings and avoid conflict, and sometimes, in complex situations, fibbing is the lesser of two evils.

But being lied to by someone you love about something important often crosses the ethical Rubicon.

When a friend lies to you, it hurts.

When a lover lies to you, it can downright burn.

So today, we’re looking at what to do when someone in your life lies right to your face.

Why Do People Lie to Your Face?

People lie for many reasons, and in many instances, we do it because the instinctual survivor sludge inside every human still holds sway over our actions.

Over decades, psychologists and social scientists have whittled the human tendency for lying down to nine motivations.

1. Avoid punishment or judgment
2. Obtain a rare reward
3. Protect someone else from punishment
4. Protect oneself from harm or punishment
5. Cultivate admiration
6. Escape an awkward situation
7. Avoid embarrassment
8. Maintain privacy
9. Exercise power over a situation

How Do You Respond When You Know Someone Is Lying?

Sometimes, we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that someone is prevaricating right in our face.

So the question becomes: what should you do when it happens?

Learning how to react when someone lies to you is a worthwhile endeavor that will come in handy throughout your life.

Ultimately, there are three main tacts you can take when it comes to fielding lies.

• Avoidance
• Aggressive confrontation
• Calm and gentle confrontation

Every situation is different and calls for a nuanced response that fits the scenario.

When Someone Lies to You and You Know the Truth

“OK,” you say, “I get it. Everyone lies; some lies are worse than others, and there are three overarching reactions to dealing with them. But specific examples of how to confront a liar would be helpful!”

For you, we’ve curated this list of 11 ways to respond when know someone is lying to your face.

1. Let It Go If You Can

Yes, lies hurt. But before growing irate, assess the situational specifics. Did the person lie for a “good” reason? What is the impact of the lie? Have you told a similar lie in the past? (Be honest with yourself.)

At the end of the day, not every battle is worth fighting. Life is short and stressful enough. If the lie in question is not a big deal, consider just letting it go.

Walking away doesn’t mean you must forgive or forget. By all means, use the information to decide how you interact with the person in the future.

But it’s perfectly acceptable to save yourself the energy and just let it go.

2. Play Dumb and Dumber

Playing dumb is another way to handle a bald-faced lie. Pose questions the lying party will have difficulty answering without tripping up. This is a great tactic to use when you don’t want to address the pink elephant directly.

3. Deflect With Humor

A little laugh can go a long way — especially in awkward situations.

If the lie in question isn’t severe, turning the situation into a joke can deflate the tension lying creates. For example, you could quickly move away from someone who speaks an untruth. When they ask, “Why?” say something along the lines of: “Are you kidding me!? I don’t want to get struck by lightning!”

4. Call Their Bluff

The most straightforward way to deal with someone lying to your face is to call their bluff.

This can be exceptionally difficult for conflict-averse people. If that’s you, consider practicing. Stand up for yourself in the mirror! Get used to how it feels. That way, when the moment arrives, you’ll be ready.

If you’re going to confront the person directly, it may not be the best idea to do it in a crowded place, especially if you’re uncertain how they’ll react. Are they an aggressive person who will cause a scene? 

Are they a narcissist who may feel threatened and cause bigger problems? Or is it safer for you if the confrontation takes place in public? Weigh all these considerations before acting, and prioritize your safety!

5. Share About a Time You Lied

As we mentioned above, everybody lies. It can be hard to admit — and we humans have a funny way of justifying our own prevarications while judging other folks for theirs.

So with that in mind, why not try a bit of empathy?

Instead of pointing fingers and attacking your adversary with moral rage, lead with a confession. Lay the table with your faults, which will make the other person feel more comfortable, causing them to open up and hopefully apologize for lying straight to your face. 

From that point, a more honest relationship can sprout.

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6. Kill Them With Kindness

Have you ever seen the Disney classic “The Sound of Music”? It’s about a plucky, upstart governess named Maria who shakes things up at the house of an austere Austrian captain at the start of World War II. There are seven children to care for, you see, and 99% of them are a bit naughty.

So on Maria’s first night, the kids prank her badly. We’re talking reptiles in pockets, people. But instead of ratting out the little urchins at dinner, Maria gives a long speech about how “grateful” she was for the “present” they’d left her.

By the time Maria was done, all the kids were weeping tears of guilt, and Maria gained the children’s trust and respect.

If you ever can use the “Maria Method,” give it a try. It also works on adults.

7. Ask if They’re Mistaken

Give the liar a chance to correct themselves. Look them in the eyes and ask if they’re sure they’re not mistaken. Use this approach when you have the “goods” to follow up with facts that disprove their statement. 

Also, try to make it clear from the start that you’re giving them one more opportunity to come clean before exposing the truth.

8. Give Them an Out

Occasionally, a situation will arise where you know someone is lying but don’t necessarily want the perpetrator to get in trouble. Maybe it’s a justified lie; perhaps the punishment would far outweigh the untruth. Whatever the case, you’re on the liar’s side.

When someone lies to you in these situations, and you want to be an ally, you can plant an alternate scenario in their head and lead them to go along with your version.

Make it evident that you’re on their side by tilting your head and using an inflection that implores them to go along with whatever you say.

9. Use the “Columbo” Method

Between 1968 and 1989, Frank Columbo, of “Columbo” fame, was America’s favorite TV detective. A disheveled workaholic, Columbo was a master of disarming people. 

He’d lull suspects into a state of overconfidence by framing himself as a bumbling fool — and then he’d hit them with tough questions or undeniable evidence that exposed the killer’s lies.

Granted, the Columbo method is super dramatic. But sometimes, a little spectacle is warranted.

10. Appeal to Emotions

Everyone has emotions, and appealing to them is an excellent way to crack another person’s proverbial shell. If a loved one is telling you bald-faced lies, let them know that it crushes your feelings when they do it.

Understand, however, that this method only works if the lying person truly loves you. After all, if you don’t share an attachment to someone, it’s much easier to lie to them. Think about it: would you care if someone you didn’t like was mad at you?

11. Ask For Time to Think

Sometimes, it pays to ask for a bit of time to think something over. If someone lies to your face, and you’re not sure what to make of the situation, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell the person you must think about things and that you’ll contact them at a later date.

This is an excellent option for people who are confused about a situation. It also gives the lying party time to come clean on their own.

What to Say to Someone Who Lies to You

We’ve reviewed the various ways you can deal with someone who lies to your face. Now let’s dive into some opening salvos — the specific phrases to use when you want to tell someone you know they’re lying.

• This is uncomfortable because I have proof that you’re lying to me.
• It hurts my feelings when you lie to my face.
• I’m unsure why you’re lying; you may have a good reason; however, I know the truth.
• Well, this is awkward because I talked to [insert name] the other day, and she said [insert story].
• It’s a shame that you feel you can lie so easily. You’ve betrayed my trust.

Lying isn’t a virtue — but it’s also an inescapable part of life. So when someone hands you a bald-faced prevarication, think before you react. Weigh the situation and choose an appropriate response based on the lie’s impact.        

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If you’ve broken things off with a narcissist, you probably know what happens when you don’t respond to a narcissist text.

They might even double down on the toxic behavior just to punish you for breaking free. 

They’ll use texting (and other means) to either provoke you or draw you back in whenever possible.

So, it pays to know what to look out for and how to respond. 

After reading this post, you’ll also know when not to. 

Is It Worth Replying to a Narcissist? 

Whatever role they still play in your life, you’re under no obligation to let the narcissist drag you into one pointless, agonizing argument after another. 

Sometimes, the best response is none at all. 

• When they criticize something about you or something you’ve done; 
• When they use a passive-aggressive dig to get a reaction from you; 
• When they try to love-bomb you back into the relationship. 

That last one is especially pernicious. It’s easy enough to ignore petty barbs and critical comments. It’s another to steel yourself against the narcissist’s attempts at rekindling something with you—especially if part of you still yearns for the good times you had. 

We get it. Maybe, at their best, the narcissist was the human incarnation of erotic love and romance. They knew what buttons to push. It’s tempting to let them have their way with you now and then. 

Except now, you know the cost of letting them have their way. And your freedom is worth more to you than a moment’s bliss. 

That said, in some situations, a few choice words will do you more good than silence:

• When they disregard your request to do something for your (shared) children; 
• When they try to guilt you into doing something that’s not in your best interests;
• When they text you at all hours and need a (brief) reminder of your waking hours.

If blocking them isn’t an option (e.g., you share custody or parenting time with your kids), you can still make it more rewarding for the narcissist to respect your boundaries — and less rewarding to violate them. 

How to Respond to a Narcissist Text: 11 of the Best Comebacks

So, what’s the best way to respond to a narcissist text message? By now, you’ve got some sense of their patterns, and you can use that to your advantage. Use the tips described below to guide you. And make a note of the ones you find most helpful. 

1. Identify their reason for texting you. 

The more aware you are of the narcissist’s motives for texting you, the easier it is to know whether and how to respond. 

Get clear on why they’re texting you and what they’re after before deciding if you want to text them back. Use what you’ve learned from your time with them. 

What are their usual tactics to get your attention? What do they typically want from you? And what has worked for them in the past? 

2. Determine whether to reply at all. 

It’s not always wise to reply to a narcissist text message. 

Often enough, responding does more harm than good—even if you manage to keep your cool and deflect their petty arrows. It still drags you into a mental space that’s exhausting and contributes nothing to your well-being or anyone else’s. 

Whenever possible, leave the narcissist to their own toxic musings. You’ve got better uses for your time, energy, and headspace. 

3. When they’re looking for a fight, do not engage.

The narcissist may try to draw you into an argument using petty criticism, passive-aggressive digs, or blatant insults. Resist the pull. 

Unless you need to respond, ignore their attempts to get your hackles up. 

Lock those hackles down. The narcissist isn’t worth it. And you know they’ll do whatever it takes to win an argument or, at the very least, drag you down into their personal hellscape. Because how dare you have a good day unless they’re the ones responsible for it? 

4. When necessary, respond—don’t react. 

The narcissist will undoubtedly remember what’s worked in the past to get a reaction from you. And sometimes, silence only adds fuel to the fire. Or it emboldens them to do worse.

So, if you need to respond to their provocative texts, keep it simple and to the point. Don’t react in the way they (clearly) expect you to. 

Keep your calm, and let them know you’re not the easy mark they still assume you are. 

5. When possible, stick with “yes” or “no” answers. 

Keep your answer short, clear, and concise. Get to the point quickly, and don’t let the narcissist drag you down any tangents that have no bearing on your answer. 

Whenever possible, give a simple “yes” or “no” answer and leave it at that. Resist the urge to elaborate or launch into a tangent of your own. 

That brings us to the next tip. 

6. Resist the urge to explain everything. 

No means no. You don’t have to justify every yes or no answer. And you gain nothing by trying to make them understand. 

If the narcissist demands an explanation, and you know they’d only use it to pick apart or dismiss your reasoning, calmly decline. You’ve given your answer, and while they may want an explanation, they don’t need one. 

When you let go of your need to explain yourself, they have one less lever to pull. 

7. Don’t be fooled by the love bombs. 

If love-bombing has worked in the past, the narcissist may try it again to see if they can get what they want from you—or if they can get you back under their control. 

If they try luring you into a shared recollection of your best times together, calmly resist. 

It helps to remember the moments that led to the break-up and the narcissistic traits that are still very much behind their behavior toward you. 

8. Set and enforce firm boundaries. 

Unless there’s an emergency, your ex has no business texting you during your sleeping hours or when you’re at work and expecting a prompt response. 

Granted, when children are involved, and you’re navigating shared custody or visitation rights, there will be some scheduling adjustments on both sides. 

But if your ex is expecting you to do most (or all) of the adjusting, it’s time to make your boundaries and expectations clearer. 

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9. Use the leverage you have. 

Simply asking your ex to pick up one of your kids or meet you for something you have to do together might not get the gratifying response you’re hoping for. 

If you know your child enjoys their time with your ex, use that. Let the narcissist know how much your child looks forward to seeing them. Maybe you’re not keen on your ex’s company, but the child who loves you both certainly is. 

And that may be just what the narcissist wants (or even needs) to hear. 

10. Stay positive or neutral. 

We’re not saying you should always be positive or spin everything into sunshine and rainbows. That’s not realistic, and you’ll just end up annoying everyone, including yourself. 

When positivity feels inauthentic or forced, neutrality is your best option. 

It is better to assess a situation with “It is what it is” than to force yourself to find a silver lining when there isn’t one. Sometimes, the best you can do is acknowledge the truth of the situation and describe it in neutral language. 

11. Keep your emotions close. 

I know it can be brutally difficult to stuff all those emotions into a little box and respond to your ex as if you’ve flipped a switch and feel nothing. It’s something we often wish we could do around people who hurt us. The less you feel, the less they can hurt you. 

But when you’re texting (rather than talking face-to-face), it’s at least easier to keep emotion out of your response. Use that to your advantage. 

Now that you know how to respond to a narcissist text message, what tips stood out for you? Your situation is unique, so some points are more likely to resonate than others. 

Still, you’re not alone in what you’re going through or the hoops you have to jump to keep your sanity and to protect any children you might share with your narcissist ex. 

What will you do differently today? 

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