First of all, thank you for having the courage to be here. 

It’s not easy to Google “How to be less toxic,” but it’s a great way to do some inner reflection.

This is a safe space with self-improvement in mind, not judgment or criticism. 

It’s safe to assume that if you always find yourself at the center of the drama, attracting toxic people, and always in a fight or flight mode, you might be contributing to the toxicity in your life. 

What Does It Mean to Be a Toxic Person?

Toxic means something different to each person.

The dictionary defines toxic as “very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.” 

The truth is, toxic doesn’t always mean “bad,” “evil,” or “broken.” Heck, even too much oxygen –  something we need to survive – can be toxic when misused. 

Characteristics of a toxic person include: 

• Selfish: They always need you but rarely show up when you need them.
• Manipulation: They will get what they want at all costs – guilt, bargaining (to their benefit), lies (from little white to big little lies), and bullying are common tools.
• Negative: If the sun doesn’t come up the right shade of yellow, these people will complain about it all day. They always find something to complain about. 
• Judgy: You become afraid to open up to toxic people because you know they will act as judge, jury, and prosecutor in what should be a safe space. 
• Passive Aggressive: These people might smile to your face when you cancel plans but then post a meme about “loser friends” on their social media accounts. 
• Angry: They lose their temper over the little things – traffic, long lines, you purchasing something they wanted, etc. 

How Do I Know If I’m Toxic?

For some of you reading this, you already know.

That’s why you’re here. Maybe you’re looking for a scapegoat, but you aren’t going to find it here. 

This tool can help you learn how not to be toxic. For the others here, you know you’re toxic:

• If you are always surrounded by drama. 
• If your friendships are fleeting. 
• If you genuinely feel nothing is ever your fault and the world just “seems to be out to get you.” 

There are key indicators in daily life that might help you determine if you need to stop being toxic or if you’re just going through a rough patch. 

• Competition: If everything feels like a competition, whether spoken or internal, you might be fueling a toxic environment. Friends and significant others celebrate the success of the people they love. They don’t try to “one up” them at every turn. 
• Attention Seekers: It’s one thing to love attention when you’ve won accolades; it’s another to turn a bout of the flu into a drama show about medical issues. Parents can also create a toxic environment around sick children. For example, a child has a cold, so they miss a day of school, but the mom constantly tweets about how “deathly ill” the child is, so people will offer comfort. 
• Sarcasm: In a world of memes and hilarious social media commentary, sarcasm has become its own language. People brag about their wit and quick thinking, but if everything generates sarcasm from you, put it on pause. There’s a difference between sarcasm and sadism. Remove “I told you so” from your vocabulary entirely. 
• Annoyed: You know deep down when this happens. Your friend reaches out to you with a “friend emergency,” and you groan to yourself and agree to meet up, only to half listen and nod your head while being disconnected from the conversation. Extra credit toxicity? Repeatedly only saying “That’s crazy” to people via text while they are pouring their hearts out to you. 
• “You Can’t Sit With Us!”: If your friends have gatherings where you aren’t invited, or they meet in splintered groups, they might just be trying to avoid the drama or self-centered features you bring. 

How to Stop Being Toxic: 13 Steps You Can Take

Can toxic people change? Absolutely! 

You must make a concerted effort to find your toxic fault lines and re-adjust your thinking and reaction to the situation. 

If you don’t know how to stop being toxic in your relationship, there are great ways to start the conversation and move forward with a hazmat spill of emotions or hurt feelings. 

1. Do Some Soul Searching

Toxic people don’t just pop out of the woodwork. The habits are usually formed early in life, based on interactions with family and friends. 

Maybe your mom always made a big deal about you being sick, so that trait has carried on to how you react when your children are sick. Identify “where things went toxic” to better understand how you got here. 

Allow yourself grace during this process. This isn’t a session to beat yourself up or list all your regrets. This is a way to focus on being a better you. 

2. Talk to Your Friends, Family, and Partner

This one can be tricky because if your friends already think you have toxic traits, they might not want to be honest with you. These conversations are better in one-on-one environments than in group gatherings. Some conversation starters might be:

• “I feel like I’m not always a good friend to you as you go through this divorce/breakup/job loss. How can I better support you?”
• “I know every time we go out, I end up in a dramatic situation, and I feel like the way I treated the valet attendant was really out of line. From your perspective, tell me where the night goes wrong.” 
• “I have been very dismissive of your opinions during the recent discussions, and I apologize. I want to be a better listener, and I’d like to hear more about your thoughts on the topic we discussed last night.”

3. Remove Toxic Language from Your Vocabulary

Maybe it IS the 10th time your bestie has talked about the breakup from a year ago, and you continue to tell her, “Just get over it.”

Friends don’t tell friends to “just get over it.” Other language that you should nix from your vernacular:

• “You’re Too Sensitive” – Some people are more sensitive than others. Some people are better at math than art. Everyone is different, and accepting people for who they are will go a long way in the toxic cleanup. 
  • INSTEAD: “I can tell this is an emotional topic for you, and I want to respect your space. Do you want to pause this and think about it overnight? We can regroup in the morning.” 
• “Whatever” – Lord help the person on the receiving end of a “Whatever.” This is a dismissive and cruel tactic to use, as it invalidates anything else the other person is saying. Always remember, the person you disagree with believes what they believe with the same conviction of your beliefs. 
  • INSTEAD: “I feel like we’re chasing our tails here. Let’s just agree to disagree and go get that brunch.”
•  “You are just like your mother/father/brother” – This is taking proprietary information, like how much your friend gets frustrated by her mom and shoves it right back in her face.  
  • INSTEAD: Just don’t say it. Even trying an “I know how much your mom frustrates you, which is why I’m confused about why you are acting like her “ is the same dang thing. 

4. Turn Your Thoughts Around

We aren’t just learning how not to be toxic to our loved ones; we have to stop being toxic to ourselves. 

Start the day with an affirmation of positivity if you know you are prone to be negative. Stop looking at everything that went wrong in your rush to work and celebrate the things that went right, like when you hit a green light. Yes, this holds even if every other light was red. 

When we speak in a kinder voice to ourselves, we’re better mentally prepared to handle the things that come up in the environment of people we love. 

5. Make a Permission Pact

Make an agreement with your friends that any “emotional vomiting” needs to come with permission. 

A sentence like “Do you have the headspace right now to talk about a situation that is bothering me?” will show respect for the other person’s time and any demons of their own they might be fighting. 

6. Don’t Gaslight

This concept is also in the words of the “How to Be Less Toxic” invisible handbook. 

When you tell someone they are overreacting or not experiencing something valid, you make that person feel crazy. Any lover of the Real Housewives franchise sees this happening repeatedly. 

Gaslighting isn’t just toxic; it’s psychological abuse that leaves deep scars. It’s used to gain a power position over the other person, but in the end, nobody wins. 

More Related Articles

27 Of The Most Glaring Traits Of A Female Narcissist

12 Of The Worst Negative Personality Traits That Are Truly Nasty

35 Disturbing Signs of Gaslighting In A Relationship

7. Dig Deep

“If you start up with Big again, I don’t want to know anything about it.” Those scorching words from Miranda to Carrie during Season 3 of Sex & The City shocked fans to the core. 

Miranda just had enough of hearing about the same person causing the same hurt to her beloved friend. 

Sometimes you just have to dig deep inside yourself and find the ability to listen. Don’t try to offer help or solutions. 

Don’t judge the person. Actually pay attention, even if you’ve heard the same stories repeatedly. Your friends listen to your repetition. Pay in kind. 

BONUS: If you can say, “Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen? I’m here for you either way.” 

8. Empathy Doesn’t Mean What You Might Think

Just because empathy means you understand what the person is going through doesn’t mean it’s time for you to steal the stage and tell your tale of a similar experience. 

Of course, it does feel natural to say, “I understand. I went through the same thing ten years ago and…” 

The problem with this is – suddenly, the issue is all about you and not about your friend.

Only speak about your experience if they ask you. While experiences can be similar, no two people have the exact same reaction or adaption to life changes or grief. 

9. Leave the Jokes to Jimmy Fallon

There’s a time to infuse humor, and there’s a time to avoid all urges to make a joke. 

The problem with humor is that only stand-up comics use it as a way to be funny. Regular humans use it to mask emotions, avoid confrontation, or speak their truth without saying it directly. 

An example of this might be meeting a friend for happy hour, and they say, “I had a terrible day.” You respond, “Well, you look like a truck ran over you, so there’s that.” 

Even the closest friendships and the most understanding of loved ones will cringe a little when they hear that. 

10. Stop Saying It on Social Media

Toxic traits spill over onto social media at MACH 3. 

Even friends who aren’t directly impacted by whatever your drama is are going to tire of the barrage of memes about your inner struggles. (C’mon, you know you’ve unfollowed someone who did that!) 

You also don’t know if a friend who isn’t on your mind might take a passive-aggressive post as a dig at them. You could be hurting more people than you even realize with your posts. 

11. Don’t Seek Counsel in Other Loved Ones

There are three reasons why going to friends for mental health help isn’t a good idea when you really want to learn how to be less toxic.

• They are scared of you. Your inner Regina George might have your friends bowing down to anything you feel and unwilling to help you because they fear being ostracized from the group. 
• They aren’t unbiased. Your friends see your beauty and skills from a very biased perspective. You might have been completely rude to a server, but they will take your side because you DID ask for ketchup, and she brought ranch dressing. She must be an idiot, right? 
• They aren’t skilled enough to help. Your friends can help you through a lot, but you wouldn’t want them to do heart surgery on you. A mental health professional is trained to deal with your issues in a safe zone while being honest. Even if your friend is a therapist, a conflict of interest will prevent them from treating you anyway. 

12. Stop Being Critical

You call it “wanting the best for your partner,” but they see it as nothing they do is good enough. The fact that they did load the dishwasher is a good thing, yet you’ll list off the ten ways they did it wrong and throw in another no-no phase of “If I want it done right, I have to do it myself.”

Now, it’s one thing to tell a friend she spilled coffee on her white pants. It’s another to tell her five reasons why white pants are just not cool and then suggest you go through her closet for appropriate clothing. 

See if you can go one day without criticizing anything about a loved one or yourself. Exchange criticism for thankful words of what did happen. 

13. Learn To Say Sorry… and Mean It

One of the best ways to stop being toxic in your relationship is to offer a wholehearted “I’m sorry.” 

For toxic people, those words taste like you-know-what coming out of their mouths. 

Apologizing doesn’t mean you are weak or invalid. It just means you made a mistake. Forgiveness is the root of improvement in our daily lives.  

Why Am I Toxic and How to Change

These characteristics of a toxic person aren’t going to go away immediately. 

The traits didn’t develop overnight. They come from a lifetime of experiences and relationships that fueled defense mechanisms or selfish behavior. Some people stop being toxic after a stressful life event. 

You can change if you take some time to focus on yourself and practice some basic mental health support techniques. 

• Journaling: This will help you get thoughts out of your head and onto paper instead of spewing venom at your tribe. 
• Remove Other Toxic Forces: You can’t just say sayonara to your toxic mother, but you can limit triggering situations with her. If you have a colleague who is giving you toxic energy and fueling your own emotional hazmat container, take up a fitness class on the night you usually go to happy hour with him or her. 
• Know Your Triggers: List off all the situations that trigger your venomous side. Take a beat before you react to or address those situations and make a brief affirmation of being kind, attentive, or present.

Final Thoughts

There’s a great line in the song Apex Predator from the Mean Girls musical. It goes, “So I’m kinda friends, but you’re kinda prey. Jesus, what a day with the Apex Predator. Will she braid your hair, will she eat your heart?” 

Nobody wants to be in a relationship or friendship with someone who constantly brings a negative vibe and cold heart. At best, your friendships will suffer. At worst, your relationships will end.

Learning how to be less toxic is actually much easier to clean up than you might think. The hardest part, which you’ve already done, is accepting you need to make some changes.

Source link

The post How to Stop Being a Toxic Person: 13 Steps To Take appeared first on Heal your health yourself.

Being interrupted is among the most frustrating communication experiences. 

It is important to let others finish their thoughts completely unless you have something urgent to say. 

Interrupting expresses a lack of interest or respect and stops people from sharing the end of their story. 

Realizing you have an issue is a long way from a solution, but it’s a good start.

It provides you with an opportunity to learn how to stop interrupting and modify your behavior in able to better connect with others.

Is Interrupting Someone Disrespectful?

Except for a few circumstances, when you interrupt others that are talking, you come across as disrespectful.

Whether you do it consciously or not, most people will feel as if they are being disrespected when they are not allowed to finish what they are saying.

• You prevent the person speaking from making their point, delivering their punchline, or finishing their story.
• You ask a question that the speaker would have eventually answered.
• Interrupting implies that you believe your words are more worthwhile than what the other person has to say.
• Interrupting makes people feel tense and anxious when they speak to you.
• It makes you appear egotistical, as if you believe the other person is inferior.

How to Stop Interrupting People: 11 Strategies to End the Behavior

Connecting and communicating well starts with considering the other person’s perspective.

Waiting until a person has finished what they have to say before you add to the conversation makes it clear that you are listening and not simply waiting for your turn to talk.

1. Slow Down

If you usually ramble with urgency to say what you’re thinking, try to slow the pace of the conversation. People interrupting seems to occur more when the conversation is rushed. 

Speak slowly and take pauses to keep the conversation at a comfortable pace, allowing everyone involved to have their say. 

While long silences that last for several seconds can be a little uncomfortable, slowing down as you speak and allowing brief pauses will help everyone take turns talking more naturally.

Listen Deeply

Be fully present and attentive as the other person speaks. Instead of just hearing the words as you wait your turn to talk, give the speaker your full attention. 

In most cases, the courtesy will be repaid when it is your turn to speak. When everyone feels heard, the conversation is much more enjoyable for all. 

Focus completely on the person talking. Pay attention to their body language and listen to the meaning behind their words. It is also good to nod, smile, and make eye contact to assure them you are giving your full attention.

3. Fight the Urge

As you learn to interrupt less often, you’ll notice during some conversations that you get a strong urge to interrupt. 

Learning to recognize these urges without acting on them is vital to breaking the habit. 

Bite your tongue and pull back when the urge to interrupt hits you unless it is vital to speak at that moment. Recognize the urge in your body and take slow, deep breaths until it passes; then count to five before you speak. 

The more you do this, the weaker such urges will become in the future.

4. Wait for a Pause

The main thing to remember is not to talk when someone else is talking. Instead, wait for a short silence or pause in the conversation to prevent overlapping conversation. 

Some examples would be waiting until someone finishes telling their story, asks for questions at the end of a meeting, or finishes making a point. Wait at least two seconds after the person stops talking before you reply to allow them to gather their thoughts.

5. Ask to Speak

You may need to ask for a turn to talk in some situations. The specific situation will dictate how you should do this. 

For example, in a formal group setting, you may need to raise your hand and wait until you are acknowledged before speaking. 

You could also make eye contact with the speaker to make them aware that you have something that you want to say. 

Ask if it is okay for you to make a comment or share an announcement.

6. Pay Attention to Conversational Cues

Keeping an eye out for conversational cues can help you determine when talking is okay during a conversation. 

A common way to detect your turn to talk is impending is when the speaker starts to slow down, indicating that they are running out of things to say and encouraging you to pick up the conversation. 

Another signal is a momentary pause when they stop to think of what to say next or give you a window to speak. 

There are also many non-verbal indicators that it is your time to talk. For example, the other person raises an eyebrow when they look at you or changes their body language to a more closed position.

More Related Articles

51 Fun And Painless Ways To Meet New People

175 Intriguing Questions To Ask Your Best Friend

75 Weird And Random Things To Say To Entertain Your Friends

7. Make Your Words Count

For some people, it can be difficult to know when it is inappropriate to talk. Challenge yourself to say what you want to say while using fewer words. 

Make every word count and limit the time you speak before someone else has a turn. For example, set a goal to not say any more than three sentences before asking a question, pausing, or trying to include other people in the conversation. 

When you use fewer words to express yourself, it helps to create additional space in the conversation, makings it possible for others to have a turn to talk.

8. Write Down What You Want to Say

Sometimes you will feel that you may forget what you want to say if you do not interrupt. 

In these situations, it will be helpful to have a notebook to write down key points so you do not forget essential ideas to add to the conversation when it’s your turn to speak. 

If you plan to be in a formal setting, it is a good idea to take the time to write down a few points that you want to address ahead of time. 

This way, you will have a list of things you want to say without being pressured to speak at the wrong time.

9. Encourage the Other Person to Speak More

The best conversations include a good balance between listening and talking. Be mindful of the amount that you are talking. 

If you feel you are doing most of the talking, try to get the other person to contribute more to the conversation. 

There are a few natural ways to encourage people to talk more, like asking open-ended questions, honing in on the topics that interest them, and being friendly and warm to help them feel more comfortable.

10. Be Sure to Stay on Topic

Changing topics during the conversation can be a form of interruption, even if you are not talking over anyone. 

People may become offended if you cut off a conversation, change the subject, or move quickly to a new topic of discussion. 

If you change the subject during a conversation with a lack of transaction or connection to the topic you were just discussing, it can make the person you are talking to feel as though you are ignoring them. 

Use phrases like “speaking of…” or “that reminds me” to suggest that the conversation reminded you of something related. To avoid making other people feel as though you are interrupting, change topics in a deliberate, gradual, and slow way.

11. Acknowledge and Apologize

While a conversation with no interrupting would be ideal, there will be times when you simply cannot help but interrupt when someone else is talking. 

In this instance, you can quickly recover simply by acknowledging that you spoke out of turn and apologizing to the other people involved in the conversation. 

When you are actively participating in a conversation with another person, you may need to speak up even if they have not yet completed their thought. 

Perhaps you realize that you have missed something central to the conversation. Or, by the time they finish talking, the conversation topic may change. 

In this case, you would start with an apology for the interruption and then go on to say what it is you need to say.

Why Do I Keep Interrupting Others?

Usually, interrupting a conversation is not meant to be insulting. It’s actually quite the opposite. 

Interrupting shows that you are actively engaged in the conversation and want to contribute. 

Recognizing that interrupting is not serving you or the other person well is the first step toward changing rude behavior. 

Once you understand why you keep interrupting others, you will be well on your way to becoming a better communicator.

• Thought Process: Some people interrupt because it’s the way that they process and interpret information. We process thoughts much faster than we form words. All too often, we discover a solution, come to a conclusion, or find inspiration before the other person has finished expressing themselves.
• Short-Term Memory: We feel as though if we do not get our thoughts into words fast enough, we will lose them.
• Personality: Certain personalities have a natural tendency to interrupt. These people are usually outgoing, great conversationalists that are comfortable in a variety of social situations.
• Lack of Self-Awareness: Some people simply do not realize they are interrupting others.
• Desire to Belong: You want to be included in the conversation, but when you try, someone else speaks or is monopolizing the conversation.

It all begins with the way that you think. Be respectful toward the other person because they deserve to be heard as much as they listen. 

When everyone involved in the conversation is respectful, the dynamics completely change.

Source link

The post How to Stop Interrupting People: 11 Strategies That Work appeared first on Heal your health yourself.

Have you ever made a mistake that you just can’t stop thinking about?

Maybe you bombed an interview for the dream job you’ve always wanted.

Or you decided to call it quits with your partner, and you’re stuck replaying all the things you did wrong in your relationship.

Whatever your situation may be, dwelling on the past is a waste of your energy.

At the end of the day, what’s done is done, and the best thing you can do is move forward.

Is It Possible to Stop Living in the Past?

If you find yourself constantly stuck in the past, you may feel like it’s impossible to adjust your focus.

Perhaps you are naturally anxious and dislike change, so you find comfort in the past.

Breaking bad habits is never easy, but it is possible to manage your thoughts on past events and focus your sights on the future.

To stop living in the past, you first need to accept that it isn’t healthy and figure out why you are stuck ruminating on it.

Why Should We Stop Living in the Past?

No matter why you find yourself pondering the past, it’s not a healthy habit to have. Finding a way to move on is important for your well-being and emotional state.

The following are a few reasons why you should stop living in the past:

• By living in the past, you prevent yourself from soaking in and enjoying the present moment.
• You cannot change the past, so it’s a waste of your mental energy to think about it too much.
• Being too harsh on yourself for past decisions can lower your confidence and feelings of self-worth.
• You will be forcing yourself to re-live negative emotions such as sadness, anger, and grief.
• It isn’t fair to the people in your life currently if you are constantly stuck reminiscing on the past.

Why Am I Stuck Living in the Past?

Maybe you find yourself constantly dwelling on the past, and you’re not sure why. If you want to stop living in the past, it’s crucial to understand why you’re so trapped by it.

This unhealthy habit can stem from a variety of reasons, such as:

• You haven’t entirely accepted a situation and wonder how it could have gone differently.
• You made a bad decision that you feel ashamed about, or you fear will happen again.
• You experienced a traumatic event such as a divorce or car accident and are unsure how to move on from it.
• You feel that you peaked in your past, so the present pales in comparison.
• You are viewing your past through rose-tinted glasses, and it is preventing you from remembering the difficult moments too.

How to Stop Living in the Past: 13 Actions to Let It Go and Live in the Now

If you wonder how to stop living in the past, you first need to change your mindset. It takes time and patience to train your mind to focus on the present, so be kind to yourself throughout the process.

Here are 13 actions you can take to let go of your past and start living in the here and now.

1. Take responsibility for your mistakes

Maybe you made mistakes in your past that caused your life to take a different turn. Perhaps you even hurt others with your actions. If you sweep your mistakes under the rug, you are doing a disservice to not only those you hurt but also yourself.

Acknowledging and accepting that you played a hand in your situation is the first step towards letting go of the past. Maybe that means reaching out to someone you wronged and apologizing or somehow making it up to them.

Once you can take responsibility for your previous faults, you will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.

2. Forgive yourself and others

If you made a mistake in your past, you have probably spent a lot of time ruminating and beating yourself up over it. Maybe your decisions caused hardship in your own life, or you hurt someone you cared about.

As much as you may wish you could, you can’t go back and change it, so the best thing to do is forgive yourself.

If you were the person who got burned, try to forgive the other person. It may be difficult, but it will feel great to rid yourself of the anger you feel.

3. Focus on the things in your control

The past is gone, so as much as you might wish you could change things, cogitating on it is a waste of your time and energy.

The here and now is all you really have. Focus on what’s in your control, which is the present moment. Maybe you messed up in the past, but you can take steps today to right your wrongs and turn your life around.

Your time is much better spent finding ways to improve your current situation. Focus your energy on personal growth and working on the things about yourself that need improvement.

4. Find a healthy outlet for your emotions

Often the reason we ruminate on our past is that we haven’t processed our emotions. When you bottle your feelings, they often appear in not-so-great ways.

Finding an outlet is crucial to process your emotions healthily. Maybe you’re an artist, and you let your thoughts tell a beautiful story on the canvas.

Or you might prefer a more personal approach, such as journaling. Writing down your thoughts is an excellent way to process difficult emotions. You can even burn or tear up the pages afterward as a symbolic way of releasing them.

5. Gain clarity on your attachment to the past

To stop dwelling on your past, you need first to understand why you are so attached to it. People typically get stuck in the past for two reasons: they either had a challenging experience or an amazing one.

If you fall into the first camp, you probably experienced a traumatic situation of some kind, such as an accident or even a breakup. You might be wondering what you could’ve done to change the outcome.

However, you may be thinking of a fantastic experience from your past. If you feel like you’ll never reach that level of happiness again, that could explain why you are so attached to that moment.

6. Identify lessons you took from the experience

Do you find yourself dwelling on what you could have done differently? One way to move on from your past experiences is to identify lessons you learned.

For example, perhaps an ugly breakup taught you what you don’t want in a partner. Now you’re more likely to catch red flags early on.

Or, maybe you screwed up and missed an important deadline and were fired from your job. This challenge taught you an important lesson about time management and setting priorities. Whatever the outcome was, there is bound to be a lesson that you can take away from your past.

7. Let go of your victim mentality

If you experienced abuse in your past, whether physical, mental, or emotional, there is no doubt that you were a victim. However, as painful as those experiences were, it can be helpful to view them from a different perspective.

Instead of thinking of yourself as a victim, think of yourself as a survivor of your circumstances. Acknowledging the strength it took to get out of the situation can be an empowering experience.

It will be easier to let go of those difficult emotions once you learn to view your past through this new lens.

8. Express gratitude for the present

When you’re stuck in the past, you neglect the present moment. You can be present when you’re preoccupied. A gratitude practice is a great way to reset your focus. Each morning, write down three things you are thankful for.

Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses now and then! Take in the beauty of the world around you and appreciate the people in your life.

Appreciating your life and enjoying simple pleasures is key to letting go of the past and savoring the here and now.

9. Take off your rose-colored glasses

The truth is, the past was never quite as great as we envision it. Perhaps we are wearing rose-colored glasses that alter our perception of previous events.

Maybe you had a partner that you felt was perfect for you, and now you compare every potential date to them. None of your relationships seem to work out because they don’t meet your expectations.

Once the past is well behind you, you may become sentimental and forget the challenges and difficult emotions you had at the time. Reminding yourself that your past wasn’t as perfect and magical as you might be remembering is crucial to letting go.

More Related Articles

21 Ways To Meet New People In A New City

28 Fun Things To Do By Yourself

List Of 600 Personality Traits

10. Remember that you’re the author of your story

Think of your life as a story and each chapter as a different era of your life. Some chapters will be good, and others will be not-so-good.

You have probably read books with chapters that had a bad ending. However, maybe you read on to the next chapter, and things got much better.

It’s the same with your life – perhaps a chapter in your past didn’t have the outcome you hoped or expected. The only way to move on from it is to turn the page. You have the power to keep writing your story, but not if you continue reading the same page over and over again.

11. Surround yourself with positive people

Surrounding yourself with negative individuals can be harmful in more ways than one. Not only are you more likely to stay stuck in a negative mindset, but you also won’t have the necessary support system to help you build a better future!

Find supportive friends and like to look on the bright side of life. It’s a great feeling to be surrounded by like-minded individuals.

An added benefit is all the wonderful new memories you can create together to take your mind off the past.

12. Grow from your mistakes

It’s one thing to own up to and accept your mistakes – it’s another thing entirely to grow from them.

Use your mistakes as motivation to do better in the future. Examine them and learn from them. Maybe you’ve realized you are always late and need to work on getting your priorities straight, or perhaps you’ve learned you have some toxic traits that you need to eliminate before getting into another romantic relationship.

You are less likely to beat yourself up over past mistakes once you learn to grow from them.

13. Set your sights on the future

When you find yourself stuck in the past, it can be helpful to shift your focus to what lies ahead.

Letting go of the past is easier said than done, but the beautiful thing is that better things await. By releasing emotions that no longer serve you, you make space for new things to enter your life.

However, be careful not to focus too much on your future and ignore the present. That is another unhealthy habit that you want to avoid!

How Do I Stop Living in the Past in My Relationships?

Maybe you and your partner argued, and you are replaying the events over and over in your head. Perhaps you recently went through a breakup that left you wondering: How could I have handled the situation better?

Here are some ways you can put a stop to this mindset and refocus on the present:

• Accept your mistakes – you did the best you could with what you had at the time.
• Recognize that no one is perfect, and beating yourself up over the situation serves no useful purpose.
• Apologize and make amends if necessary. Is there any way you can make it up to them?
• Feel your emotions and then let them go.
• Forgive yourself and the other person and make a vow to do better moving forward.

No matter what regrets you may have, it’s possible to stop dwelling on the past. All you need is a mindset shift and determination to move forward. Instead of ruminating on what’s gone, look toward the future and the beautiful experiences ahead for you.

Source link

The post 13 Ways to Stop Living in the Past appeared first on Heal your health yourself.

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”
Confucius

This article is about a few mistakes I’ve made.

About a few destructive habits that can make life quite messy and unhappy.

And it’s about what you can do instead to replace those mistakes and habits with something better.

This article is all about uncovering simplicity if you find yourself having overcomplicated your life.

1. Stop overthinking things.

Few habits and mistakes are as common as getting stuck in overthinking.

I used to do it all the time.

And it led to a lot of analysis paralysis, to little action being taken on what I deep down wanted and to so much time and energy wasted.

What to do instead:

Set short deadlines.

When you have all the time in the world to consider something then that can often wind up in you spending a lot of time thinking about the situation at hand from every conceivable angle.

I have found that learning to set short deadlines is really helpful for this, although it take a bit to practice.

So for small decisions like if should go and do the dishes or go and work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.

For somewhat larger decisions that in the past would have taken me days or weeks to think through I set a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.

Say stop in a situation where you know you can’t think straight.

I know that I’m more vulnerable to negative thinking and overthinking things when I’m hungry or when I’m close to my bedtime.

And so I have learned to stay away from thinking about anything important during that time.

And if such thoughts with a negative twist still pop up then I tell myself: No, no, we’re not going to think about this now.

Because I know that I will be back to thinking clearly and optimistically again if I just get some food or sleep.

I highly recommend finding your own situation(s) when you are more vulnerable to overthinking or pessimism. And to catch yourself and redirect your thoughts at such times.

2. Stop making your daily work busier and more complicated than it needs to be.

It’s very easy to get stuck in the same old rut at work or in school. To spend your hours there like you usually do and like most of the other people do too.

With a lot of time spent on busy work, procrastination and on being stressed on weekends or just before a deadline.

What to do instead:

Breathe and find what truly matters in the long run.

First, sit down and take a couple of deep breaths to relax and to focus your mind.

Then ask yourself: what is the most important thing I can do today?

Think about what would matter most in the long run when you ask yourself this question. Find just that one task.

Get started with that one task.

If you have trouble taking action and are slipping into procrastination then go smaller.

Tell yourself: I will work on this task for just 2 minutes.

Make getting started so easy on yourself that there is very little or no inner resistance in your mind.

Because if you just get started then it’s in my experience pretty easy to keep going for a while longer and to make a real dent in the task or even completing it.

3. Stop overcomplicating your relationships.

The fun, excitement and joy in a relationship of any kind can often be greatly reduced by simple and common thought mistakes.

Two such mistakes I’ve made too often in the past are to try to read minds and to go full in with creating drama.

What to do instead:

Ask.

Trying to mindread usually winds up in creating nightmare scenarios in your own mind.

Because reading minds is pretty much impossible and so it is very easy to project your own worst fears onto what this person might be thinking.

So instead start cultivating a habit of being a bit more direct. Cultivate a habit of asking and more clearly communicating to better understand each other.

Question your own drama.

There can be a sort of temporary pleasure or excitement in creating drama and making something bigger or more negative than it is.

In the short run and even more so in the long run it tends to be quite destructive though.

So start questioning your own drama.

Ask yourself:  

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

Ask it before you start creating and spreading drama to the people in your life.

Sure, the issue at hand may still have to be addressed but simplify it to what it truly is before you do that to avoid unnecessary conflicts, anger and hurt feelings.

And don’t forget to question other people’s drama too by asking yourself the same question.

Just because they want to create drama doesn’t mean that you have to get drawn into it.

Source link

The post 3 Things You Need to Stop Doing to Live a Simpler Life appeared first on Heal your health yourself.

“Comparison is the death of joy.”
Mark Twain

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”
Lao Tzu

One of the most common and destructive daily habit is to constantly compare your life and yourself to other people and their lives.

You compare cars, houses, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and so on.

And at the end of the day you pummel your self-esteem to the ground and you create a lot of negative feelings within. And perhaps also outside of yourself.

So what can you do? How can you get a handle on this habit?

Well, today I’d like to share 3 steps that have helped me to move away from this – it does take some time though so be patient with yourself – and towards a healthier outlook and view of myself and life.

Step 1: Just realize that you can’t win if you compare yourself to others.

Just consciously realizing this is helpful.

No matter what you do you can pretty much always find someone else in the world that has more than you or is better than you at something.

Yes, you may feel good for a while when you get a nicer car than your neighbor.

But a week or two later you’ll see someone from the next block with an even finer car than yours.

Step 2: Compare yourself to yourself.

Instead of comparing yourself to other people create the habit of comparing yourself to yourself.

See how much you have grown, what you have achieved and what progress you have made towards your goals.

This habit has the benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation and kindness towards yourself as you observe how far you have come, the obstacles you have overcome and the good stuff you have done.

You feel good about yourself without having to think less of other people.

You can make this habit stick by for instance taking a few minutes each day or just each Sunday (or any day that fits you) to use a journal to write down how you have grown, how much closer you are to your dreams and goals now and what you have overcome and learned.

By doing so your thinking will over time shift and your thought patterns will automatically become more focused on comparing you to you rather than to other people.

Step 3: Be kinder towards other people.

In my experience, the way you behave and think towards others seems to have a big effect on how you behave towards yourself and think about yourself.

Judge and criticize people more and you tend to judge and criticize yourself more (often almost automatically).

Be kinder to other people and help them and you tend to be kinder and more helpful to yourself.

So focus your mind on helping people and being kind.

Focus on the positive things in yourself and in the people around you.

And appreciate what is positive in yourself and in others.

This way you become more OK with yourself and the people in your world instead of ranking them and yourself in your mind.

You are OK and so are they.

Source link

The post 3 Simple Steps to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People appeared first on Heal your health yourself.

I was in grade 10 at the time. My mom dropped me off a block away from the movie theater. I got out of our car, straightened my coat, took a deep breath, and slowly walked toward the group of friends I was meeting that night.

I wasn’t a popular girl growing up. Like most teenagers, I was gangly and awkward, spending most of my days trying to avoid embarrassment. But like most teenagers, I also wanted to have groups of friends and a yearbook full of fun memories. I wanted to be invited out and have a crush on the captain of the football team. I wanted to belong. And on this particular night, that feeling was waiting for me in a row of uncomfortable chairs and new experiences.

Ten of us found seats in the middle of the theater, and I happened to be sitting next to the boy I liked. Tall and handsome, he made me weak in the knees. My “supercrush” and I were having a conversation about our most recent English class assignment when another person from our group boldly interrupted, looking straight at me and saying: “You know what? You have the gummiest smile I’ve ever seen.” And right there, under the darkness of the dimming theater lights, I changed.

While everyone laughed and I pretended to pass it off as funny, a piece of me broke that night. And for the next two decades, I would be extremely self-conscious of my smile, hiding it away for fear of what others might think.

At that moment, a piece of someone else’s story about me became my story. And this is something that happens to all of us to some degree — we’re all impacted by the narrative that others create about us. Maybe it’s something seemingly more subtle, like a comment someone makes in passing about your accent, your body, or your skills. But it also might be something far more significant, like a parent who was never pleased, a bully on the playground, or a great love that broke your heart. The crossover that occurs between ourselves and other people always leaves a mark.

For most of us, this starts as far back as we can remember — during our youngest days and our most impressionable years. More importantly, it starts before we have the ability to write our own stories. So we navigate the world by absorbing what others tell us about ourselves and the experiences we live. Together, they create an identity.

“We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves.” – Tony Robbins

Reframing the Stories We Tell Ourselves

Some of us were raised in environments that emphasized a supportive narrative: “You’re capable, you’re strong, you’re lovable.” But others grew up in more critical ecosystems built around entirely different stories: “You’re a burden, you’re a failure, you’re not good enough.”

Essentially, we leave our formative years with chapters of our lives already written. The problem is that someone else was holding the pen. And we often continue down this road well into adulthood, allowing external voices to shape and mold who we become in life. This is all carried out without us ever questioning if that’s who we really are or want to be.

In our defense, that’s not entirely our fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s simply how we’re wired as human beings — to take in and process feedback from other people. If we’re not careful, though, it’s easy to forget that we’re actually the main character of our story, a story that is entirely in our hands. So how do we find a way out of the shackles of others’ narratives about us? Start with these tips:

1. Determine what’s true.

When it comes to narratives someone else might be expressing about you, the most important thing to do is question the stories. Push back on the narrative and ask yourself: “Is this true?” There’s a significant difference between what we do and who we are. Sure, we might be late for meetings every now and then, but that doesn’t mean we are unreliable. Question the story you’re telling yourself — or that someone else is telling you — and be intentional about finding evidence supporting the contrary.

Learning about how stories are built is one of the most fun and interesting ways to begin living your life through a different lens. Joseph Campbell’s book “The Hero With a Thousand Faces” outlines the fundamental structure that occurs within all great stories — and more importantly, how it relates to all great heroes. And it’s not just for stories such as “Star Wars” and “Harry Potter.” It’s a structure that can be applied to all human experiences, including yours and mine. That means we all have the ability to uncover and embrace the heroic nature of our own stories.

3. Reframe the narrative.

There are two sides to every coin. Likewise, there is a gift and a shadow side within every experience. Maybe getting bullied on the playground made us less trusting of the people around us and caused us to feel an immense degree of loneliness growing up. That experience can be incredibly damaging to our hearts and sense of self. The hidden gift of that experience, though, is the ability and desire to be as inclusive as possible. Every person I know who has been bullied in school also has grown up to have an acute sensitivity to those who might feel left out. They’re gifted at bringing people together and go out of their way to ensure everyone feels a strong sense of safety and belonging.

Stories have the power to become our connective tissue as human beings. We are woven into them, and they weave their way into us. We are born into stories, we breathe air into stories, and we give life to stories. But it’s never too late for any of us to pick up the pen and write the story that we want to hear most. Although it’s true that we might not get to control all of the “what” within the stories of our life, we do get to control the “who.”

So let’s write the story of a person who chased their dreams or the story of a person who never gave up. Let’s write the story of a person who gained superpowers from their trials and a deeper sense of humanity from their challenges. Let’s write the story of a person who lived their life and chose to be a hero. Speaking of which, one of my superpowers is going out of my way to tell people how much their smile lights up a room!

Source link

The post Are You Truly You? How to Stop Seeing Yourself Through Someone Else’s Eyes appeared first on Heal your health yourself.

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
George Eliot

Getting started with doing what you deep down want to do in life can be hard.

No matter if what you want is to start exercising, create your own business on the side, write a book, see other parts of the world, improve your relationship with yourself or something entirely else.

But often we make getting started a lot harder than it needs to be by standing in our own way.

So today I’d like to share 3 things you need to stop doing to step out of your own way and make it so much easier to actually get started instead of just keep dreaming about it.

1. Stop making it a huge and vague thing in your mind.

The more you think about whatever you want to get started with the bigger it tends to become in your head.

And as you keep thinking about the various ways this could go it tends to become scarier and scarier.

So do this instead:

Get knowledge from the others who have been where you want to go.

To defuse vague fears about what could happen if you got started and about the unclear unknown, get information from people who have already gone where you want to go.

It is easier than ever to find them today.

Look them up online and read what they have written and said or send them an email.

Or go ask someone you know in real life that has done what you want to do.

Ask yourself: Honestly, what is realistically the worst that could happen?

Take a couple of deep breaths to calm down your mind a bit.

Then ask yourself this question.

You’ll realize that in most cases the worst thing that could realistically happen is not that bad.

It may sting for a bit. But it is something you can handle. And it is a situation you can find something to do about if this worst case scenario were to happen.

The clarity you get from this question can – in my experience – reduce fears quite a bit.

2. Stop trying to control everything.

Being prepared and knowing some things certainly helps.

But it can become a trap when you try to control it all or think things through 50 times to be on the safe side and to not risk making mistakes, fail or look like a fool.

What to do instead:

Realize: you will stumble and that is OK.

It happens to anyone who steps outside of his or her comfort zone. It has happened to everyone you may admire and who have lived a life that is inspiring.

It is simply a part of a life well lived.

And if you reflect on what you can learn from a mistake then that will be invaluable to help you grow and improve.

Learn to set time-limits for small decisions at first.

If you have trouble with overthinking then set a time-limit for when you have to make a decision. This might seem a bit scary though.

So start small and set a 30-60 second time-limit when trying to decide if you are going to work out or reply to an email.

Do that for a while and then move on to slightly bigger decisions. And then even bigger ones after that.

3. Stop thinking that you have to get started in a big and spectacular way.

If you have a big goal or dream or even a medium sized one then it is easy to think that you have to take an action of the same size to get started or to get where you want to go.

That is most often not true though.

What to do instead:

Go small.

Just ask yourself: what is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling with my goal/dream?

Then take just that small action.

And tomorrow or later on today you can do the same thing again. If that question still lands you in procrastination then ask yourself:

What is one tiny step I can take to get the ball rolling?

Single-task each little step.

Focus on just the one step you are taking. Nothing else.

Otherwise it is easy to get lost in thought, to go off track or to feel uncomfortable or fearful. So keep your attention on just this one action and step forward.

And after that, the next one.

Let these actions build day after day into something bigger.

And before you know it you’ll have gone quite a distance on your journey.

Source link

The post 3 Things You Need to Stop Doing to Get Started appeared first on Heal your health yourself.

If you’ve been certain that your metabolism began to slow down years ago, well… you’ll definitely want to read this. A new study suggests your metabolism stays steady for a way longer range of time than you’ve previously thought. Check out why your fifties really are the new forties… and thirties… and, even twenties.

A study published last month in Science examined how humans’ energy expenditure changes over our lifetime. The concept of “energy expenditure” translates in large part to calorie-burning—so this study’s question was, from birth through adulthood, how does the body’s efficiency change in its use of input (food) for energy?

RELATED: 15 Underrated Weight Loss Tips That Actually Work

An international team of more than 80 researchers in biology, anthropology, nutrition, and other fields investigated by analyzing 40 years of data from 6,500 participants (males and females) who ranged from eight days old to 95 years. To measure variations in metabolism, the scientists employed a technique that estimates the amount of carbon dioxide the body eliminates.

You might be thinking they found what we’ve known all along: That metabolism starts to decelerate around our late twenties and just continues to taper off from there. Actually, that wasn’t the researchers’ discovery at all.

They found that our metabolism actually stays the same from around age 20 until our early sixties! And, even though the scientists had hypothesized that menopause would cause metabolism to slow for women, that period of hormonal changes that typically occurs in the late forties into the fifties wasn’t a huge factor—said the study’s lead author Herman Pontzer, PhD, an evolutionary anthropologist: “We just didn’t see that.”

So stay healthy, stay active, and stay encouraged: As it turns out, your age may not be the biggest predictor of your body’s ability to maintain balance and stay trim.

This same metabolism study revealed lots more compelling discoveries—be sure to check it out.

Sign up for the Eat This, Not That! newsletter for wellness news you need.

Get more:

Source link

The post The One Major Lie About Your Metabolism Women Need to Stop Believing, New Study Says appeared first on Heal your health yourself.

When you fail, make a mistake or things simply don’t go as well as you had hoped then how do you feel?

Do you feel sorry for yourself? Well, that’s natural in some situations and too an extent.

But do you get stuck in that mental state too often and for far too long?

If that’s the case then this guide is for you.

Because in it I’d like to share 10 steps that have helped me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Simple habits and techniques that have helped me to reduce and overcome this issue in my life and to stop spending so much time and energy on it.

Now, let’s get started.

1. Breathe.

First, calm your mind and body down a bit to think more level-headedly and clearly.

This simplest way to do that?

Just sit down. Close your eyes.

And then breathe through your nose and with your belly.

Focus only on the air going in and out. Nothing else.

Do that for 1-2 minutes (I like to set a timer on my smart phone so I don’t try to finish early).

This will center you and make you feel more focused again.

2. Zoom out into the world (and then tap into gratitude).

Ask yourself: does anyone on this planet have it worse than me right now?

This question helps me to see things from a wider perspective.

I often follow it up with asking myself:

What are 3 things I can be grateful for but often take for granted?

Well, I can be thankful for many such things.

Thing like:

• Fresh water.
• Three steady meals a day.
• A roof over my head.

Just these first two steps is often enough for me stop feeling sorry for myself and not get stuck in self-pity.

If not, then I move on to…

3. Zoom out in your own life.

Ask yourself this about the situation that has caused you to feel sorry for yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even 5 weeks from now?

The answer is most usually for me that it actually won’t.

But I’m sometimes a bit hasty to make a mountain out of a molehill.

4. Find one opportunity or lesson in the situation you’re in.

This can help you to see what happened to you in more optimistic and constructive light.

That doesn’t mean that it’s all of a sudden a great situation that you’ve found yourself in.

But it’s in my experience important to do not only to add a dash of optimism.

But also because the toughest situations that I’ve felt the worst about have helped me in the long run.

They have taught me one or several very important lessons that have been game-changers or at least been quite valuable things to keep in mind.

5. Set a time-limit for yourself.

One thing I do from time to time when I’m in a negative emotional state like feeling sorry for myself or seeing things through a negative lens is to be OK with that.

To embrace it.

But with a deadline and for just a little while.

Because we have to process what has happened. Take in all the emotions, thoughts or shock that a situation caused.

Pushing that aside right away can lead to those thoughts and feelings popping up later in unexpected situations and ways.

So take for example 10 minutes to just feel sorry for yourself. But then, as those minutes are up, move on into a more constructive headspace and focus forward once again.

6. Get out of your own head by helping someone else out.

To avoid getting stuck in a downward spiral of self-pity focus outward. On someone else. Focus on giving one or more people in your life value.

This will get you outside of your own head and you’ll feel good for helping out in some way.

And then feel even better as you see the other person’s face light up thanks to what you did.

A couple of good ways to give value and to help out are:

Helping out practically.

Maybe someone needs help moving. Or setting up things for his party this weekend. Or with finding information for a decision that he’s making.

Listening.

Just be there fully and listen to someone as she vents about a situation in her life.

And if she asks then offer some advice or a discussion about what can be done to improve upon the situation she is in.

Be kind to someone in your everyday life.

Be kind to a stranger by holding up the door, letting him or her into your lane while driving or helping out with directions if he seems lost in your city.

7. Look into your possible future.

Ask yourself: what will the consequences be if I keep this up?

How will my life look in 1 year if I too often fall back into feeling sorry for myself for too long? And in 5 years?

How will it affect my relationships?

How will affect my chances of reaching my goals and dreams?

Write down your answers and use them as a motivation to move forward once again the next time you feel that you’re starting to get lost in those negative thoughts.

8. Create a reminder and keep it close by.

I used one that said “no victim thinking for 30 days” on my smart phone. It popped up every morning with the help of the free Google Keep app.

Another good way to use a reminder is to write your message to yourself down on a piece of paper and put it in your bedside table. Then it’ll be one of the first things you see each day.

A couple of suggestions for what to write could be:

• It’s OK to feel sorry for yourself for 10 minutes. But then move forward and into action again.
• What are 3 things I can be grateful for in my life but I too often take for granted?

9. Draw up a small plan (and take just one step to move forward with it).

One of the best ways to move on from a mental state where you don’t feel like you have much personal power to change your situation is to take one small step.

And to create a small plan – or the start of one – for how you can improve or move away from the situation that have made you feel sorry for yourself.

So just sit down with a pen and a piece of paper. And brainstorm for 3-5 minutes to find one or a few small steps forward.

Then get the ball rolling right away.

Take just one of those small or tiny steps forward to put your plan into action. This will make you, in my experience, feel empowered and better about yourself and your life.

10. Ask yourself: how can I prevent getting stuck in the same trap in the future?

Finally, after you feel more empowered and constructive and have gotten the ball rolling with your plan take a couple of minutes and ask yourself the question above.

Think about what you can do differently the next time something goes wrong or when you start feeling sorry for yourself for too long.

A couple of the things that have helped me the most with this are:

• Reading through the note with the future consequences written on it.
• Reminding myself to talk to someone about it as soon as possible to be able to vent and figure things out for myself. And if I need it then to also have a constructive discussion with this person about what I can do to improve upon the situation I’m in. Or sometimes I simply let this person help me to ground myself again and to not make a mountain out of a molehill.
• Reminding myself that just a start of a plan and taking one small step forward to get going with it can change how I feel and my mental state in a big way.

Source link

The post How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself: 10 Steps That Work appeared first on Heal your health yourself.

Stuff is everywhere.

It’s calling out to you wherever you look, saying, “This will make your skin look better than ever!” or “This will give you the energy you need!” or “This will look so good in your home!” 

They sound so believable in the moment.

But advertisers greatly exaggerate a product’s usefulness while playing on your insecurities.

And you pay the price. 

So, how do you stop buying stuff you don’t need?

And why do you do it?

How to Stop Buying Stuff You Don”t Need: 11 Effective Steps

We know how addictive shopping can be.

But if you’re ready to stop buying unnecessary things, these 11 tips can help you move in a healthier (and less cluttered) direction. 

1. Know Your Triggers. 

Those stress-shopping purchases add up. And a big part of avoiding those expenses is to remove the triggers that make them more likely. 

Think about the last few times you bought something you didn’t need and ask some questions:

• What were you feeling before and after the purchase?
• What were you trying to escape or to avoid thinking about?
• How long did it take for you to return to your baseline emotional state?
• When you get there, how desperate are you for another high?
• What are your go-to apps, stores, or products?

Only when you know your triggers can you take steps to minimize them.

2. Purge Your Inbox

One of those triggers might be emails with special deals, especially if you’re a bargain shopper. Ask yourself when you’re most vulnerable to promotional emails for products you’re most likely to buy. 

Then unsubscribe from all retailer emails — especially those that tempt you with things that look good but that you don’t really need. 

3. Go for Quality Over Quantity

Those special “deals” in the seasonal aisle of your local supermarket are usually low-quality items. Chances are, it’s a matter of weeks before they’ll end up in the trash or in a donation box. 

Instead, if you really need an item like what you see on those discount shelves, do some research and look for something of higher quality. Instead of trying to get a carload of semi-useful items for less money, focus on finding a few high-quality items that will last.

4. Get Clear on Your Values and Goals

When you know what’s important to you, you’re less likely to shop brands or stores that don’t share your values. Otherwise, it’s too easy to justify taking advantage of every “mega sale” or bargain that shows up in an ad, an email, or in your mailbox. 

Get clear on what you want to accomplish this year or in the next three years. Then make it a priority to only support businesses that share your values and support your goals. 

5. Find a Support System

Talk to someone about your spending habits and what’s behind them. Get your friends and supportive family members in the loop. Some of them might have some helpful insights on how to stop buying things you don’t need. 

Enlist their help in controlling your urges to spend money on things that look tempting in the moment, but that will ultimately end up in the trash bin (or donate pile). 

6. Set a Budget and Track Your Spending. 

The more conscious you are of the money coming in and going out, the easier it is to see whether you can afford something you want. Unless you’re comfortable with mounting debt, you need to spend less than you earn. Budgeting can help with that. 

At the very least, it gives you a detailed breakdown of what you’re earning, what you’re spending, and how you’re spending it. And seeing the impact of your spending (e.g., the mounting credit card bills) can motivate you to take corrective action.

7. Plan Your Shopping

Unplanned shopping is an Achilles heel for most of us, especially when we’re tired, stressed, or in need of a pick-me-up. 

If you have a budget set up and know how much you can afford to spend each month, you can plan your fun shopping around the things you want most. Give yourself enough time to consider thoughtfully what items will bring you the most enjoyment. 

Set specific days, times, and spending limits, and you’re less likely to go overboard.

8. Find Other Ways to Boost Your Mood

Shopping shouldn’t be the only way you know how to make yourself feel better. Whatever the reason you’re feeling low, consider the following no-cost pick-me-ups: 

• Go for a walk. 
• Make yourself a favorite food or drink
• Play music that soothes or energizes you
• Take a power nap (not always possible, we know)
• Call or text a friend or supportive family member. 

More Related Articles

79 Self-Care Ideas For Stressed Out People Pleasers

11 Best Personal Philosophies To Guide Your Life

37 Of The Best Creative Project Ideas For Fun And Relaxation

9. Impose a Waiting Period

When you find something you like but don’t really need, force yourself to leave it in your shopping cart for at least three days.

Close the tab or leave the store to get away from temptation. Set a day and time to revisit your cart after those 72 hours are up. 

Chances are, your interest in that item will diminish somewhat in favor of new discoveries. If those aren’t necessary, either, impose the same waiting period. 

10. Pretend You’re Moving

Take inventory of what you have and separate the stuff you don’t need, use, or love. Use the Marie Kondo method, if that works for you, or take it room by room — as long as you go through everything. 

When you finish, take a moment to appreciate your newly decluttered space. And decide what it really needs (if anything) before doing any more shopping. 

11. Be Honest About Why You Buy Things You Don’t Need

Most times, when you’re buying things you don’t really need, you’re not thinking about the items in your cart. 

You’re thinking about specific changes you want to see in your life or in yourself — whether that’s clearer or younger-looking skin, the attention of your crush, or a chance at a better life.

The more clearly you see what you really want, the easier it is to see how lousy all that stuff is at providing it. 

FAQ About Buying Stuff You Don’t Need 

Now that you have a better idea of how to stop buying stuff you don’t need, let’s tackle some of the questions you might have. 

Why do we buy things we don’t need?

Most of us buy stuff we don’t need for one (or more) of the following four reasons: 

• We’re trying to escape something. 
• We’re surrounded by other shoppers (it’s contagious). 
• We’re not aware of how much we’re spending and what it costs us. 
• We’re trying to fix something we don’t like about ourselves. 

It doesn’t help that “shopper’s high” is a real thing. So, which of these reasons sound most familiar to you?

What is it called when you can’t stop buying things?

It’s called a shopping addiction. Yes, it’s possible to become addicted to that shopper’s high — the dopamine rush you get when you buy something or when it arrives. Five to eight percent of Americans suffer from shopping addiction; 80 percent of those are women.

This online shopping addiction scale can give you a better idea of how strong your shopping compulsion is.

If you’ve ever struggled with an addiction, you know easy it is to replace one with another. And what you call it has a huge impact on what you do about it. 

What happens when you stop buying stuff you don’t need?

Stuff stops showing up in the mailbox. It’s depressing, at first, because you miss that dopamine hit when a package arrives. 

But when you see your credit card debts going down and find it easier to pay bills and buy things you need, you find a more meaningful (and sustainable) high. And you get good at finding mood-boosters that don’t endanger your financial well-being. 

Are you ready to stop buying stuff you don’t need?

The marketers behind all the unnecessary stuff you buy want you to believe their product will satisfy your deepest desires. But they don’t know you. 

Then again, they don’t have to. What they do know is why so many of us buy into their message: you need this to get what you want. They think they know you well enough to get you hooked on whatever they’re selling.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to prove them wrong. 

Source link

The post 11 Ways To Stop Buying Things You Don’t Need appeared first on Heal your health yourself.