Being interrupted is among the most frustrating communication experiences. 

It is important to let others finish their thoughts completely unless you have something urgent to say. 

Interrupting expresses a lack of interest or respect and stops people from sharing the end of their story. 

Realizing you have an issue is a long way from a solution, but it’s a good start.

It provides you with an opportunity to learn how to stop interrupting and modify your behavior in able to better connect with others.

Is Interrupting Someone Disrespectful?

Except for a few circumstances, when you interrupt others that are talking, you come across as disrespectful.

Whether you do it consciously or not, most people will feel as if they are being disrespected when they are not allowed to finish what they are saying.

• You prevent the person speaking from making their point, delivering their punchline, or finishing their story.
• You ask a question that the speaker would have eventually answered.
• Interrupting implies that you believe your words are more worthwhile than what the other person has to say.
• Interrupting makes people feel tense and anxious when they speak to you.
• It makes you appear egotistical, as if you believe the other person is inferior.

How to Stop Interrupting People: 11 Strategies to End the Behavior

Connecting and communicating well starts with considering the other person’s perspective.

Waiting until a person has finished what they have to say before you add to the conversation makes it clear that you are listening and not simply waiting for your turn to talk.

1. Slow Down

If you usually ramble with urgency to say what you’re thinking, try to slow the pace of the conversation. People interrupting seems to occur more when the conversation is rushed. 

Speak slowly and take pauses to keep the conversation at a comfortable pace, allowing everyone involved to have their say. 

While long silences that last for several seconds can be a little uncomfortable, slowing down as you speak and allowing brief pauses will help everyone take turns talking more naturally.

Listen Deeply

Be fully present and attentive as the other person speaks. Instead of just hearing the words as you wait your turn to talk, give the speaker your full attention. 

In most cases, the courtesy will be repaid when it is your turn to speak. When everyone feels heard, the conversation is much more enjoyable for all. 

Focus completely on the person talking. Pay attention to their body language and listen to the meaning behind their words. It is also good to nod, smile, and make eye contact to assure them you are giving your full attention.

3. Fight the Urge

As you learn to interrupt less often, you’ll notice during some conversations that you get a strong urge to interrupt. 

Learning to recognize these urges without acting on them is vital to breaking the habit. 

Bite your tongue and pull back when the urge to interrupt hits you unless it is vital to speak at that moment. Recognize the urge in your body and take slow, deep breaths until it passes; then count to five before you speak. 

The more you do this, the weaker such urges will become in the future.

4. Wait for a Pause

The main thing to remember is not to talk when someone else is talking. Instead, wait for a short silence or pause in the conversation to prevent overlapping conversation. 

Some examples would be waiting until someone finishes telling their story, asks for questions at the end of a meeting, or finishes making a point. Wait at least two seconds after the person stops talking before you reply to allow them to gather their thoughts.

5. Ask to Speak

You may need to ask for a turn to talk in some situations. The specific situation will dictate how you should do this. 

For example, in a formal group setting, you may need to raise your hand and wait until you are acknowledged before speaking. 

You could also make eye contact with the speaker to make them aware that you have something that you want to say. 

Ask if it is okay for you to make a comment or share an announcement.

6. Pay Attention to Conversational Cues

Keeping an eye out for conversational cues can help you determine when talking is okay during a conversation. 

A common way to detect your turn to talk is impending is when the speaker starts to slow down, indicating that they are running out of things to say and encouraging you to pick up the conversation. 

Another signal is a momentary pause when they stop to think of what to say next or give you a window to speak. 

There are also many non-verbal indicators that it is your time to talk. For example, the other person raises an eyebrow when they look at you or changes their body language to a more closed position.

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7. Make Your Words Count

For some people, it can be difficult to know when it is inappropriate to talk. Challenge yourself to say what you want to say while using fewer words. 

Make every word count and limit the time you speak before someone else has a turn. For example, set a goal to not say any more than three sentences before asking a question, pausing, or trying to include other people in the conversation. 

When you use fewer words to express yourself, it helps to create additional space in the conversation, makings it possible for others to have a turn to talk.

8. Write Down What You Want to Say

Sometimes you will feel that you may forget what you want to say if you do not interrupt. 

In these situations, it will be helpful to have a notebook to write down key points so you do not forget essential ideas to add to the conversation when it’s your turn to speak. 

If you plan to be in a formal setting, it is a good idea to take the time to write down a few points that you want to address ahead of time. 

This way, you will have a list of things you want to say without being pressured to speak at the wrong time.

9. Encourage the Other Person to Speak More

The best conversations include a good balance between listening and talking. Be mindful of the amount that you are talking. 

If you feel you are doing most of the talking, try to get the other person to contribute more to the conversation. 

There are a few natural ways to encourage people to talk more, like asking open-ended questions, honing in on the topics that interest them, and being friendly and warm to help them feel more comfortable.

10. Be Sure to Stay on Topic

Changing topics during the conversation can be a form of interruption, even if you are not talking over anyone. 

People may become offended if you cut off a conversation, change the subject, or move quickly to a new topic of discussion. 

If you change the subject during a conversation with a lack of transaction or connection to the topic you were just discussing, it can make the person you are talking to feel as though you are ignoring them. 

Use phrases like “speaking of…” or “that reminds me” to suggest that the conversation reminded you of something related. To avoid making other people feel as though you are interrupting, change topics in a deliberate, gradual, and slow way.

11. Acknowledge and Apologize

While a conversation with no interrupting would be ideal, there will be times when you simply cannot help but interrupt when someone else is talking. 

In this instance, you can quickly recover simply by acknowledging that you spoke out of turn and apologizing to the other people involved in the conversation. 

When you are actively participating in a conversation with another person, you may need to speak up even if they have not yet completed their thought. 

Perhaps you realize that you have missed something central to the conversation. Or, by the time they finish talking, the conversation topic may change. 

In this case, you would start with an apology for the interruption and then go on to say what it is you need to say.

Why Do I Keep Interrupting Others?

Usually, interrupting a conversation is not meant to be insulting. It’s actually quite the opposite. 

Interrupting shows that you are actively engaged in the conversation and want to contribute. 

Recognizing that interrupting is not serving you or the other person well is the first step toward changing rude behavior. 

Once you understand why you keep interrupting others, you will be well on your way to becoming a better communicator.

• Thought Process: Some people interrupt because it’s the way that they process and interpret information. We process thoughts much faster than we form words. All too often, we discover a solution, come to a conclusion, or find inspiration before the other person has finished expressing themselves.
• Short-Term Memory: We feel as though if we do not get our thoughts into words fast enough, we will lose them.
• Personality: Certain personalities have a natural tendency to interrupt. These people are usually outgoing, great conversationalists that are comfortable in a variety of social situations.
• Lack of Self-Awareness: Some people simply do not realize they are interrupting others.
• Desire to Belong: You want to be included in the conversation, but when you try, someone else speaks or is monopolizing the conversation.

It all begins with the way that you think. Be respectful toward the other person because they deserve to be heard as much as they listen. 

When everyone involved in the conversation is respectful, the dynamics completely change.

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The road to recovery is rarely smooth. Many individuals make multiple attempts before getting clean for good. Having a relapse isn’t indicative of failure. It simply calls upon you to reassess your strategy.

However, it helps to know what to do to get yourself back on track. Here are six strategies for how to cope with a relapse.

1. Exercise Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the ultimate weapon in your battle for mental wellness. You can use these techniques to identify your triggers, turn your awareness inward, and get acquainted with the maladaptive beliefs and thoughts – the “stinking thinking” – driving many of your behaviors. Gaining insight into what made you relapse can help you avoid similar situations in the future.

For example, use mindfulness to identify when you feel the urge to drink or use drugs. When it strikes, ask yourself what’s going on in your world at the moment. Did you get bad news at work? Did the sound of your co-workers clinking glasses at happy hour, combined with the barroom sights and smells, fill you with longing?

Please note that triggers aren’t always external. You could argue that they always stem from inside you. For example, a belt buckle may mean nothing to one person but terrify another who was beaten with one as a child. However, something as simple as having a similar mental state as the last time you drank or used can bring the urge to pick up the habit again.

Approach these urges with a spirit of curiosity, not condemnation. Pretend you’re a scientist, charged with fixing yourself and taking notes on these occasions to determine what is compelling your addictive behavior.

2. Try A New Method

There’s more than one approach to getting clean. For example, people have long turned to Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous for free peer group support. Attending regular meetings and following the 12 Steps works for many, including those who experience occasional relapses.

However, if you have repeatedly relapsed on your current treatment protocol, you might consider a different approach. For example, the Sinclair Method involves taking Naltrexone to rob your brain of the euphoric effects it gets from drinking. Unlike other methods that rely on making you physically ill when you imbibe, this technique works on your brain’s receptors, robbing you of the temporary reward you feel when you suck down a brewski.

3. Reach Out For Help

A relapse can make you feel ashamed, driving you to isolate yourself. However, depriving yourself of positive social support can trigger further substance abuse.

Please remember that others who have struggled with substance abuse understand what you’re going through and have likely experienced relapse a few times themselves. Therefore, they aren’t looking to judge you. They may offer advice to help you prevent future episodes, but they do so out of love.

4. Recognize The Different Types Of Relapse

Relapse generally happens in three stages, but it doesn’t always lead to a return to substance use. The first type is emotional relapse. You’re not thinking about using your substance of choice during this period. However, you participate in emotion-driven behaviors that set you up for relapse later.

For example, you may stop attending meetings and begin isolating yourself. Although you may initially skip because of pressing work deadlines, it becomes harder the longer you stay away. You might also neglect self-care like diet and exercise.

The second type of relapse is mental relapse. During this stage, a part of you desperately clamors to use again while the rest of you resists. It’s here that “stinking thinking” tends to strike, making you rationalize: “It won’t hurt me to have just one or two,” or “It’s only over the holidays.”

Finally, physical relapse occurs when you begin using your substance of choice again. Your first sip or line often occurs when the opportunity presents itself and you feel secure that you won’t get caught. That’s why it’s so crucial to engage in mindfulness, recognize the triggers that begin the emotional and mental relapse cycle, and practice healthy interventions.

5. Consider Inpatient Detox

Detoxing from drugs and alcohol isn’t something you should go through alone. For one, it can be physically dangerous. Some people have died when withdrawing from alcohol when their liver and brain functions go haywire from the lack, causing seizures or cardiac arrest.

Even if you feel fine, seeking inpatient care can help. For one, it removes you from temptation, at least temporarily – long enough to get your bearings. It can also give you a safe space to reacquaint yourself with positive coping skills and practices before re-entering the world.

6. Practice Your Coping Skills

You need coping skills to stay clean for the long haul. Some of these may take the form of replacement behaviors. For example, moderate exercise releases endorphins, natural chemicals that make you feel good. Some people in recovery experience success going for a walk or a run when urges to use strike.

It also helps to have techniques to press pause anytime and anywhere. For example, deep breathing exercises can interrupt the panicky feelings that make you feel like taking a drink.

Strategies To Cope With A Relapse

It’s not unusual to relapse on the road to recovery. Beating yourself up won’t help you avoid future slips, but taking the right steps can minimize your chances of the same thing happening.

Use the six strategies above to cope with a relapse. Discovering the underlying cause and determining the best approach will help you stay clean.

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Life can feel fast-paced at times, and it’s easy to get swept along and forget to nurture your health. Neglecting yourself is not a wise choice though, because it can zap both your energy and your motivation. So instead, try these top self-care strategies to look and feel your best.

Get Your Sleep

The top item on your self-care list should be getting enough quality sleep. Inadequate sleep can damage your health in a myriad of ways, including:

• Increasing your risk of cardiac disease
• Elevating your inflammation levels
• Reducing your immunity
• Causing issues with weight control
• Lowering your level of energy
• Impairing your focus
• Increasing your chances for depression and anxiety

To ensure you get the sleep you need to feel your best, try to schedule at least 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Make your bedroom as conducive to sleep as possible by ensuring the room is dark, cool, and relaxing. Also, try to avoid exposure to blue light later in the day, and limit your intake of caffeine and alcohol, as well. Finally, consider taking a magnesium complex supplement to help you relax and get the sleep you need to feel your best.

Stay Physically Active 

When your job involves staring at a computer all day, your physical health and mental wellbeing can suffer. A sedentary lifestyle increases your odds for cardiac disease, chronic illness, arthritis, and weight gain. It can also take a toll on your mental health, increasing your odds for both depression and anxiety.

To feel your best, consciously choose to exercise on a regular basis. Experts recommend that you aim for at least 75 minutes of vigorous exercise or 150 minutes of moderate exercise each week. As long as you can reach your target rate, the type of exercise is not critical. Instead, it’s more important to choose something you love so that you can successfully maintain a regular workout routine.

You can also integrate movement in small ways throughout your day. For example, use a standing desk and make a point of walking whenever you are on the phone. Also, sneak in steps by parking further from your destination and opt for the stairs rather than riding an elevator.

Take A Breath And Relax

It is becoming increasingly clear that taking time to calm your mind can have a plethora of advantages for your health. One option is to spend a few minutes each day doing breathing exercises, such as belly breathing, alternate nostril breathing, or resonant breathing.

Alternatively, consider starting a meditation practice. Meditating helps you gain control of your breath and your mind. Not only can it help you feel more centered and peaceful, but it can also help you become more mindful and better able to control the direction of your thoughts.

Being deliberate about self-care can go a long way towards helping you feel your best. By making sure you get enough sleep, scheduling regular physical activity, and using relaxation techniques, you will find yourself better equipped to tackle anything that life throws your way.

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Building a business is about more than sales, marketing, and flexing on social media. While those things tend to draw attention, they attract the wrong type of clients and are not how you build a sustainable and freedom-focused business.

It takes more than you feel is possible to have enough energy to do the growth work consistently. Successful businesses are more than the laptop lifestyle or all the other misleading things you see in social media ads. It’s more than the cute memes. 

Reaching new revenue milestones and achieving higher growth levels happens when you’re strategic about what you consume, who you connect with, and what you decide to implement. 

If you study any successful leader, you’ll see a person committed to their personal optimization. They spend time, energy, and resources focusing on creating healthy habits. They are the CEO of their life, leading to more focus on the growth of their business. Here are four essential growth strategies every leader should consider adding to their life and business as they’re building an empire. 

1. Be a Boss and Give Off Boss Energy

An entrepreneur tends to wear many hats, especially as you’re in the initial stages of building a business. You’re the salesperson, fulfillment specialist, onboarding team, tech support, and everything in-between. When you’re frantically doing all the work, you’re not giving off boss energy. When you don’t look at ways to leverage yourself, you’re not a CEO.

Finances may not be where you’d like them to be, but there are opportunities to outsource cost-effectively. If you aren’t there with your resources, ask yourself how many sales you’ll need to make today to afford outsourcing options — then, get to work. 

Your energy does all the talking before you ever do. Believe you’re a boss CEO and make decisions from a place of strength. Give off that strong energy that tells potential consumers you are someone they should pay attention to. 

2. Stop Chasing Opportunities 

Have you scrolled social media and seen a post that says something to the effect of, “I’m looking for X expert to help me do Z”? What you’ll notice next are hundreds of “pick me” commenters trying to get business. 

Too often, business leaders chase opportunities. The chasing vibe turns away high-end clients and is revealing. Those “pick me” posts are mainly for attention, and when you show up on one of them, it tells prospects you’re hurting. The chasing chases away business. 

Instead of chasing, nurture, and draw in potential business through solid content marketing and modern visibility strategies. When you show expertise through content, cold prospects want the next steps and invest with you. When you show up powerfully where your ideal consumers are, they want to know more. 

Boss level doesn’t chase. It’s strategic about the strategies and moves that need to happen for consumers to come to you. Think of any successful CEO; you don’t see them chasing. Believe in what’s possible and focus on nurturing instead of pursuing growth opportunities.

“Your big opportunity may be right where you are now.” – Napoleon Hill

3. Continue to Optimize Your Time

If you’re going to do everything it takes to build a business, you’ll need to optimize how you go about that. Your time is a precious resource that should be treated accordingly and have clear boundaries. You’re the CEO — your time should be spent on the high-level growth tasks that build a business over time. Don’t get caught in the busy work because that’s one of the quickest ways to stunt growth. 

The reality is that you probably don’t need more time. What needs to happen with your time is using it more effectively. Take full advantage of the time you do have by saying NO to distractions and focusing. 

4. Charge Based on Value and Deliver 

Charging more for products and services is an area that often frustrates too many business leaders. If you plan to deliver clear value, you can’t be afraid to charge according to that value and by respecting your time. 

Whatever your prices are, it’s a safe bet they’re low — your time is valuable. Often, entrepreneurs think the key to growth is more clients. Your next level of development can come from fewer clients but with higher prices. 

Once you do charge accordingly, make sure you deliver. Too often, entrepreneurs are better at selling than fulfilling. Don’t be that entrepreneur. 

Nothing stops you from living an unlimited life and building a business that creates freedom and financial security. You’ll get there with a strong mindset that’s ready to put in the consistent growth work. Use these four strategies and claim the business you deserve.

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The balance between life and business is an interesting conundrum. There are articles, books, podcasts, and videos that talk about the need for work-life balance. The reality is that the balance has to be specific to your situation, and it’s a lifelong process to attain. Business leaders should be more focused on optimization strategies that create freedom in an enjoyable way.

Your goal isn’t to have your business turn into a job. While at the same time, you’d like your business to create financial freedom and an avenue for you to live an optimized life. The path to achieving your goals happens with the right habits and consistent action daily.

The good news is that you can create a happy life while also building a business that scales. For growth to be a reality, you have to employ growth strategies that are realistic to maintain. Here are three business optimization strategies that create time, freedom, happy life, and help you achieve your success goals.

1. Use systems to scale without your constant and direct involvement.

Today’s tools and software allow you to get more done without requiring a lot of your time. The issue becomes the business leader feels as if they have to wear all the hats. Too many leaders handle client onboarding while also managing sales, fulfilling the work, creating content, and everything in between. They are the jack of all trades, and they can never make any progress towards their goals because they have too much going on.

You can create more growth enjoyable when you use software and automation to systematize your efforts.  That can be using software to automate a lot of the client process. It can mean hiring a virtual team to help with various aspects of the business, even if it’s on a project basis. The point is to leverage modern growth options without having to add more responsibility to your plate.

“To be successful in business and in life, spot the possibilities while others look for problems.” – Robina Sharma

2. Focus on revenue over looking successful. 

Growth in life and business happens when there’s real growth. The world of social media gives us flashy images of success that tend to be built on a house of cards. Have you ever noticed that the most successful people in life aren’t flashy and don’t talk about wealth? The ones you see talking about six or seven figures end up being the ones trying to sell you on a program. You have to buy into their flash; otherwise, they won’t sell any of their programs. They’re selling you on a lifestyle.

The goal is to model the old saying, “make power moves in silence.” There is an important aspect of sharing what’s going on with your community, but a part of the growth process happens in private. Your goal should be to generate revenue instead of looking like you’re generating revenue. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks; they’re not paying your bills. Focus on doing the things that grow revenue, and let the results you’re getting for other people do the talking for you. 

3. Only work on the things you want to be doing. 

We spend so much of our time and effort working on what we think we should do in life. It may be societal programming or things our parents have taught us, but we don’t spend enough time doing what we actually want to do.

We create a business model that is not enjoyable to us. We take on clients we know are not a good fit and let too many people cross our boundaries. We wake up every day, look at our schedule, and start to feel dread because our day isn’t filled with the things we want to be doing.

It’s time for us to take a step back and think about how we want to show up and spend our time. The key to growth and a happy life is building a business doing the things that we want to do, which brings us joy. You use a growth model that has all of the elements that help you accomplish your goals.

Stop chasing a false image of success, and things you think will make you successful. Take time to think about the life you’d like to create and the path to get there. Think about the things that will bring you joy, and that’s how you should be spending your time.

You have some thinking to do. It’s time to have an authentic conversation with yourself about what sort of life and business you’d like to be creating. It would help if you did not spend a single moment doing things that don’t bring you joy.

Use these business optimization strategies to figure out what changes need to be made and make those changes. Get consistent in the action you’re taking to build your wealth and create more happiness in your life. Stop chasing a social media image of success and focus on creating success starting from within.

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Self-appreciation is about valuing who you are and what you do. It’s about how you take care of yourself, mentally and physically. It sounds easy but it’s often more of a challenge to do so.

If you experience imposter syndrome, it’s downright near impossible to have self-appreciation. Why? Well, self-appreciation is about seeing yourself in a positive light and taking steps to do good things for yourself. Yet when you experience imposter syndrome or a negative mindset, you see and focus only on the errors, faults and negatives and in-turn do not feel you are worthy of good things.

Self-appreciation is important to bolster your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and self-efficacy.  It helps you to create a more positive outlook and increased confidence to overcome obstacles in your life on a daily basis. It doesn’t mean you ignore the negativity or problems in your life, and don’t recognize the struggles, or even the mistakes, but instead you see them for what they are, the challenges, and learning moments to develop and grow in your life.

I struggled with self-appreciation because I didn’t see myself as worthy of good things. My imposter syndrome always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I would not see the value in my past accomplishments, or the worth of my own qualities, or even treat myself just because I should. But I learned to see the good in me and grow in my self-appreciation. Even now as I’m working toward my PhD in psychology, I recognize my effort, growth and accomplishments that have helped me achieve the success I have to date.

When you’re struggling with a negative mindset and only see yourself in a negative light, these 5 strategies will help you grow in your self-appreciation and develop a stronger acceptance of who you are and what you are capable of.

1. Understand where the criticisms originate from

You are shaped by the positive and negative views and comments from others. Eventually it becomes part of your inner voice and self-narrative. You internalize what others say. It’s especially impactful when you are younger, but even as an adult, the more negative talk you hear, the more it will become part of your inner critic. 

When those negative words, phrases and thoughts pop up, recognize them for the negative words and phrases they are and reflect on where they originate from. This is important to break down your negative mindset. When you understand the words originating from others, you can understand their words reflect their fears. Their fears are then projected on you. But they are not true and factual of who you are. They are just the fears of others. 

2. Reflect on all your previous accomplishments

To begin to see who you are and appreciate what you’re capable of, you need to start noticing what you have already achieved. In your day to day life, it’s easy to only see the current challenges and dismiss or forget about your previous accomplishments and successes. When the negative talk about “You aren’t good enough”, “You’re just going to fail like always” pop up, reflect on your previous accomplishments and successes. No matter how big or small, they all are important and show your skills, abilities and knowledge at overcoming challenges and reflect your true capabilities.

To see them for yourself, on a document, create two columns and in the left one, write down all of your accomplishments and in the right one, what it took to achieve those successes. You can directly see all you’ve done and what it took to get there. You can begin to appreciate your effort, time and talent to achieve your successes.

“The greatest obstacle for me has been the voice in my head that I call my obnoxious roommate. I wish someone would invent a tape recorder that we could attach to our brains to record everything we tell ourselves. We would realize how important it is to stop this negative self-talk. It means pushing back against our obnoxious roommate with a dose of wisdom.” – Arianna Huffington

3. Embrace your qualities and character

Along with your previous accomplishments, you may not realize what great skills, and unique character you possess and bring into the world. Think about what you do well. What you have passion for and how it has a positive impact. Understand your character and personality and how it has helped you get to where you are today and it’s helped you grow and develop.

This is not a focus on being selfish, but learning to see your qualities and character. You’re focusing on the good things about who you are and what you do and are capable of in the future. Write this down as well, as it will help to bring your qualities and character to life for you to visually see and learn to appreciate what makes you amazing and impactful. 

4. Stop the harsh self-judgement

Stop worrying about mistakes and failure. Mistakes happen. Failure happens. But instead of seeing them as crushing defeats, see them as learning moments. Embrace those challenges and constructive lessons learned for future growth. 

Forgive yourself. Forgiveness goes a long way in helping you to grow and appreciate your growth. Recognize the mistakes that were made, but then understand why they occurred and forgive yourself for doing so, knowing you have now learned more than you knew before and will have improved for the next opportunity.  You can appreciate your growth and know that you are not the mistake, but have learned from your mistakes for future opportunities.

5. Reward your efforts

Treat yourself! Don’t wait until you’ve achieved the grand end-goal before you feel you deserve to appreciate your effort and work. Start earlier with small accomplishments and steps. Each step gets you closer to your goals. Each step is about growth. And each step is sometimes just appreciation of how you value yourself.

It’s all about self-care. Treat yourself to that coffee drink, step away for a walk, or treat yourself to a movie, or whatever helps you to recharge and feel good. You know you’re taking care of yourself and appreciating what you accomplished for your day, and for who you are.  Think about it this way, you would show your appreciation for a loved one or amazing friend by buying them a special treat or gift for just being who they are. Well, do the same for you. Buy that special treat or gift or take that time to enjoy it for that loved one…YOU!

Self-appreciation is not selfish, it’s smart! You are not being self-centered, you are not putting others down to elevate yourself, but instead you are valuing your own health, and qualities, and making sure to take steps in caring for yourself. If you put yourself second, or feel you don’t deserve appreciation, or just haven’t taken the time to do so, now’s the time to start. As you start to build self-appreciation and start valuing yourself for who you are and all you do, you will start to see amazing results in all aspects of your life.

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“When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fear.

It’s so easy to get stuck in it. To let it hold you back.

I have been there many times in my life.

The fear has, for example, held me back from:

• Trying new things. It has held me back from trying something new for lunch or a new hobby because I feared I would have a bad experience or fail. And so I stuck to my usual routine and choices.
• Asking someone out for a date. Because I didn’t want to risk being rejected or looking like a fool in eyes of other people.
• Living my life like I deep down wanted to. The fear has held me in its grip and calmly explained to me that it would be best and most comfortable for me to stay where I am and to do nothing new. And many times I have sadly believed the fear and gotten myself stuck in a place where I honestly deep down didn’t want to be.

The fears we have are based in how we think about things. Destructive thought habits can create a lot of fear that is really unnecessary and damaging.

But there are also ways to handle these habits when they pop up and to – over time – replace them with healthier habits.

So today I’d like to share 6 destructive and fear-inducing thought habits and what to do instead of letting them roam free in your head.

1. You keep the fear foggy and undefined.

As long as your fear of doing something is foggy and undefined and just floating around in your head it will hold you back and often grow stronger with time.

What to do instead:

Ask yourself this question: what is the worst that could realistically happen?

And don’t just take a second or two to answer it.

Sit down with a pen and piece of paper. Take time to really think about it and to write out the realistic worst-case scenario.

This will:

• Bring a lot of clarity to what you truly fear.
• Defuse quite a bit of fuzzy fears or disaster scenarios that may have been bouncing around in your mind.
• Help you to realize that you can often bounce back pretty quickly even if the worst-case scenario somehow becomes reality.

2. You keep the fear to yourself.

When you keep the fear to yourself then in my experience it can easily take charge of your imagination and build a horrific and paralyzing nightmare in your mind.

Just being alone with the fear makes it is easy to lose touch with reality.

What to do instead:

Writing it out as mentioned above can certainly help. Another step you can take is to share your fear with someone else.

By sharing and getting some level-headed input from a friend or family member that nightmare can often be quickly deflated and seen for what it really is.

And just talking about it to someone who truly listens will release a lot of your inner tensions.

3. You focus on aspects that will keep you stuck.

If you just focus on the negative things that could happen if you face your fear then it will be very hard to start moving forward.

What to do instead:

A change in perspective is needed.

You can get it by talking to your friend or family member and by exchanging ideas and experiences about what opportunities lie ahead if you move forward.

You do it by focusing on the positive and on why you want to move towards what you fear.

A few questions that have helped me to find the more constructive and positive perspective when I have faced a fear are:

• What are the potential upsides that I want and can have by taking these actions?
• What are the potential upsides in one year if I start moving on this path? And in five years?
• And how will my life be in five years if I continue on the fearful path that I am on today?

Talk these questions over with someone. Or take out a piece of paper and write down the answers. Or do both.

4. You misinterpret the often little information you have.

It is easy to take very few experiences – maybe just one – and start seeing them as evidence of something permanent and frightening in your life.

What to do instead:

Question your fears and what they are based upon.

Again, sit down with that pen and a piece of paper. Think back to what evidence you have in your memories for a fear and a belief of yours.

Try to see the situation(s) that created your fear with fresh eyes today. Instead of the way you may usually see them.

Doing this helped me to for example reduce my fear of social rejection.

I looked back at a few situations from my past that formed and fueled that fear.

And I realized that:

• Honestly, I may have just misinterpreted being rejected in some of those situations.
• I often wasn’t rejected because it was something wrong with what I did but simply because we weren’t realistically a good match for each other. Or because the other person had a bad day or because he or she simply wanted to push me down to feel better about himself or herself in that moment.

This was an eye-opening experience and also helped me to understand that everything is not about me and what I do. And that our memories can often be pretty inaccurate and unhelpful if not reexamined later on.

And that our minds love to create patterns and conclusions based on very little evidence or few experiences.

5. You try to push the fear away.

When you try to deny a fear in your life, when you try to push it away or not think about it then it can often grow stronger.

What to do instead:

I have found in recent years that pushing the fear away can certainly work and help you to not be paralyzed from taking action. But I have also discovered that it can sometimes be more helpful to accept the fear.

To accept that it is there instead of for example trying to tell yourself to focus on the positive like a laser-beam.

That may sound a bit vague so here’s how I do it.

• Breathe. Take a few breaths and focus only on the air going in and out to calm and center yourself a bit.
• Tell yourself something like: “Yes, the fear is here. It simply is at this point in time.”
• Take that feeling of fear in and just let it be there in your body and mind. It will be uncomfortable. But just for short while.

Because if you do let it in then after a while – often just after a few minutes of discomfort in my experience – the fear starts to lose steam. It becomes a lot smaller or just seems to float away.

And it becomes a lot easier to think clear and constructive thoughts again.

6. You make it harder than it needs to be to take action.

If you think that you have to take action in a big, heroic and risky leap to overcome your fear then that may often lead to more fear and to not taking any action at all.

What to do instead:

A more helpful way to go about things is to not go all in at once. But to instead just dip your toes in. To take a small step forward but to do it today or as soon as you can.

And to take that first step slowly if you like.

The most important thing is that you start moving. That you start building momentum forward so that you can take more small and perhaps slow steps forward.

Doing things this way will not only build momentum but also self-confidence and expand your comfort zone. And all of this will make it a lot easier to take a bit bigger steps later on too if you’d like to.

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Many of us have heard of the 7 deadly sins. It’s safe to say that everyone has had some experience with each of these negative traits. Ask anyone – a neighbor, co-worker, stranger on the street, or even your spouse, and they will tell you they’ve had some personal struggle with at least one of these unfavorable offenses.

What are the 7 Deadly Sins?

1. Lust, an uncontrollable and inappropriate desire, usually for sex, but can also include a desire for power, money, or fame.
2. Gluttony, a need to consume excess amounts of food and drink, and wasting what others need.
3. Greed, a great desire for wealth or material possessions.
4. Sloth, an avoidance of work, excessive laziness, and a failure to use one’s natural gifts and talents.
5. Wrath, an uncontrollable anger and hatred towards another person that can result in an unwillingness to forgive.
6. Envy, a strong wrongful desire of what someone else has, including possessions, status, and advantages.
7. Pride, a superior opinion of oneself, an “I’m better than you” attitude, which places one-self above all others.

These deadly sins represent all that is negative and offensive with the human race. It seems impossible that anyone can use these as a way to bring happiness into their lives. Let’s take a look at each deadly sin, and see how we can create our own “Happiness Strategies” to boost productivity.

1. Self-Control vs. Lust

Self-control helps to keep our wildest desires in check. When we practice self-control, we use that unbridled energy to benefit others, rather than spending all of that energy on ourselves. It’s about being on a selfless mission rather than a selfish mission. To be honest, self-control is not easy, especially when you have a habit of not reigning in those primitive desires. It needs to be practiced on a daily basis until it becomes your new normal. 

When you find yourself desiring a passionate night with a beautiful woman or handsome man who you hardly know, turn that into a desire to find out more about that person. Ask them about their career, their family, their favorite places to visit. Make it your personal mission to learn what it is that makes this person beautiful on the inside.

Happiness Strategy #1 – Choose one of these strategies to practice the next time you are faced with a situation where you need to practice some major self-control.

“If you lose self-control everything will fall.” – John Wooden

2. Temperance vs. Gluttony

Temperance involves self-discipline and moderation, typically when it comes to food and alcohol. It teaches us to use food and drink as a way to be healthy. It’s not that we can’t enjoy food, with all of its flavors and textures and delicious aromas. If we are unhealthy due to the amount of food or drink we consume, then we physically and mentally cannot be at our personal best nor can we be available for the important people in our lives. Being healthy not only gives us an advantage in our own life, but also allows us to be healthy enough to serve others. 

Happiness Strategy #2 – Find one way to make a healthy choice.

3. Charity vs Greed

Charity is about placing others above yourself, making sure others are taken care of first, and using your own resources to accomplish both of these things. This is a great example of how doing for others is a key to happiness for yourself.

Giving, in any form, creates a sense of inward happiness. “I am happy because I have the resources available to make someone else happy.” The more often you give of yourself, the more happiness you will find. It becomes a circular pattern. I’m not talking about giving out of guilt or obligation. The attitude with which you do practice charity will have lasting effects on your own personal happiness. 

Happiness Strategy #3 – Find an opportunity to give of your time or resources to someone in need.

4. Diligence vs. Sloth

Diligence is a desire to use our energy, our talents, and our gifts to serve others rather than live a life of ease and laziness. Energetic and hardworking is a great way to describe a diligent person. They are working towards a purpose, not simply working to check a task off of a list. Being diligent, though, is more than being a hard-worker. It’s also about responsibility and reliability. Others need to know they can rely on you to do what you said you would and be responsible enough to complete it to the best of your ability. 

Having a goal outside of yourself is often what keeps us going until the end. Knowing we’ve accomplished that goal despite our desire to quit, give up, or only do what needs to be done, gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment, and inevitably a sense of happiness. People without a vision or objective in life that they can diligently throw themselves into are inevitably unhappy.

Happiness Strategy #4 – Find a purpose bigger than yourself to use your time and talents to benefit others.

5. Patience vs. Wrath

Patience is taking the time to understand others and being willing to forgive when mistakes or offenses are made. This is not an easy task whatsoever. It is so easy to be upset or criticize the person who offended you, rather than being willing to forgive them.

Forgiveness and understanding are not the norm in our modern culture. There is an underlying attitude of “Eye for an Eye”, or “They got what’s coming to them!”. This will not bring you peace, joy, and least of all any type of happiness. 

Living in anger and unforgiveness will destroy you from the inside out. A popular quote about refusing to forgive describes perfectly what living like this truly does to you. “Refusing to forgive is like taking poison but expecting someone else to die.”

Happiness Strategy #5 – Practice patience and forgiveness daily.

6. Kindness vs. Envy

Kindness is a desire to help others, rather than the need to be better than them. We are envious of our neighbors because they have a brand new car. We are envious of our friends because they went on a tropical vacation. We are envious of our brother-in-law because he received a promotion at work. Envy does nothing but cause major rifts between you and the people you are close to. Does this sound like something that can bring you true happiness?

Kindness, especially in spite of the way we feel, will cut you free from the chains of envy and jealousy. It can be practiced daily in simple ways. Kindness can come in many forms. Text your wife a love note while she’s at work. Bring in the mail for your neighbor. Make cookies for your child’s teacher. Smiling at those you pass by will brighten not only your day but theirs as well.

Happiness Strategy #6 – Find one way to practice kindness each and every day.

“Our envy of others devours us most of all.” – Alexander Solzhenitsyn

7. Humility vs. Pride

Humility is actively letting go of your own false ego and replacing it with an attitude of service. This is definitely not an easy task. Pride allows us to believe we are not in need of help, we are better than everyone else, and we know everything there is to know. Pride also has an uncanny ability to demonstrate in our own lives, the need for humility.

Humility places the emphasis on someone else, besides myself, and their needs. What can I do to help them through this time of struggle? How can I best use my co-workers talents to improve on this presentation? When we practice humility, we begin to see the positive aspects of another person’s life, which in turn helps us see the positive aspects of our own lives.

Happiness Strategy #7 – Practice humility by living a life with an attitude of “others first”.

Now you have seven strategies you can practically implement and use each and every day. Practicing these strategies will create long-lasting habits of self-control, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility. 

Looking at all of these in its entirety can make you feel very overwhelmed. To best implement these strategies, choose one to follow each week. Begin by focusing on the one that you struggle with the most.

Steady and consistent practice of these seven happiness strategies will have you feeling better. Those around you will take notice that you are now a happier and more contented human being.

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